


Willing Host

by Anifan1



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Gen, Humans, Infestation, Voluntary Controllers, Yeerks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 55,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15305073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anifan1/pseuds/Anifan1
Summary: Who is the girl that Cassie briefly controlled during "The Sickness"?  This is her backstory, and what happened to her after the war.





	1. Chapter 1

"I powered over to the girl whose head was in the water. A Yeerk was just about to enter her ear. I shoved it out of the way and slithered in myself...This girl-she was a voluntary host. A collaborator. I couldn't let her get anything from me. No thoughts. No emotions. Nothing even the tiniest bit Cassie. My feet slammed against the metal pier as I launched myself at him. The only thing my host girl was going to get from me was commands like (Run. Now. Fast. Go.) I rammed into Visser Three as hard as I could. He spun toward me, tail blade raised. But he was too shocked and amazed to react. I snatched at Aftran...Aftran dropped. I snatched her out of midair and ran. Ran with nowhere to run. I did the only thing I could do. I dove back into the Yeerk pool."-The Sickness, pages 118-120.

My name is Rachel Horvath. I live in southern California, which is where I grew up and where I live to this day. I don't think I will ever leave. The weather alone makes the cost of living there worthwhile.

I was twenty years old when I joined The Sharing. Since you're reading this, you already know how everything turned out, or at least, what the Animorphs want you to know. The books that were published after the war ended were memoirs, which means that they added and withdrew events from them as they saw fit. When my Yeerk and I read them, mainly out of curiosity, we laughed at some of the things the supposed saviors of the human race included. We were annoyed, but not entirely surprised, with what had been left out.

I was shocked when I read the book that contained a portion of my story.

Hallit was not, but Yeerks have always been more logical than humans. As she pointed out, while it would have been possible to tell the story of the rescue of Aftran without including Cassie's brief forced infestation of another human at the Yeerk Pool, sometimes it was easier to tell the real story.

So, unnamed, I had a few lines in the Animorphs memoirs, but like most voluntary hosts, I went unnamed. Dismissed as a vehicle, because even Cassie didn't want to spend the time telling the story of a truly voluntary host.

I wasn't planning to tell the story, but Sorren thinks I should, and even though she would not force me to do so, she can be incredibly insistent.

Also, having lived with me for the better part of a decade at this point, it's safe to say that she knows me reasonably well.

The first thing I should clarify, since you probably assumed all Yeerks became nothlits at the conclusion of the war (except, of course, for Visser Three), is that The Sharing is still very much alive. Oh, it exists under another name, and it mostly consists of already existing voluntary humans who, like me, did not wish to leave their Yeerks after the end of the war. The true purpose of the war, to defeat the Yeerk Empire and eliminate involuntary infestation, was successful. Maybe it was easier to believe that no one would fight to stay with their Yeerk, or worse, no new humans would seek out Yeerk companionship after a war had been fought against the alien race.

But both are true. Maybe the Animorphs didn't know. But given the help that Cassie provided, her assistance in allowing this to happen, it's more likely that they simply didn't want to include that part in their memoirs.

Given all that Cassie did for the Yeerks, I probably should let go of my anger and hurt that she briefly infested me and nearly got me killed.

She was fighting a war for humanity's survival, after all.

Maybe, writing this will help me to forgive her completely.

Anyway, I was twenty when I joined The Sharing. I was one of those that The Sharing attracted. Growing up, I had been physically and emotionally abused by both of my parents, and sexually abused by an older cousin. I had an older sister who went through the same abuse as I did-at least, with our parents-and she became a sort of surrogate mother to me. Leah. She was seven years older than I was, and tried to protect me, but after she left to go to college, there was not much she could do when she was no longer living at home.

I think that, maybe, she tried to obtain custody of me, but my parents wouldn't hear of it. It would look too bad. Since they were respected members of the community, people tended to turn a blind eye to that sort of thing.

Unlike Leah, my grades had never been very good, and my parents hadn't wanted-as they put it on numerous occasions-to waste their money sending me to college. I moved out of the house when I was eighteen, living with Leah in her apartment while I looked for a job so I could, if not live on my own, at least help pay the bills.

Everything went well enough until Leah got engaged a year later. She let me stay with her until she got married and moved in with Mark, her now husband. He's really nice, and I was glad that she had found someone.

I had saved up enough money to move into a cheap but safe apartment a few miles away from their house, but I was lonely. Depressed, even. My jobs in retail didn't exactly give me a lot of happiness, and aside from Leah, I didn't have any friends. We had both kept away from people, growing up, in order to protect ourselves. Now, I guessed that I was paying the price for my anti-social behavior.

I casually mentioned to Jill, my manager at work, that my sister had just gotten married and I was feeling lonely by myself. We weren't exactly friends, especially since she was my boss, but it seemed like the kind of thing it was not inappropriate to tell someone. At least, not as long as it wasn't all you talked about. At the time, I didn't know why I had even said anything. I guessed I half expected her to joke about meeting a guy at a bar, but, instead, she told to see her after my shift ended. Then, she handed me a flier for this new group called The Sharing.

"I've been going for a few weeks," she told me. "It's really fun. All ages. Great for families, but also for people like you. Why don't you check it out?"

I accepted the flier and decided to give it a try. While I found the formal meetings to be a little boring, the social events were fun, and, most importantly, it got me out of my apartment when I didn't have a shift at work. I considered telling Leah about it, but decided against it. She and Mark were busy being newlyweds, and besides, I liked having something of my own. So, I quietly continued to go to the meetings, and after a month or so, a full member asked me if I wanted to become one as well.

I didn't know, exactly, what the difference between associate members (like myself) and full members were. But I was concerned that if I said no, I would be asked to leave completely. That maybe being an associate member was just a step to becoming a full member, and if you said no to that, they didn't want you wasting their time.

Not that they told me this, but there are some things you don't need to ask to know the answers to.

I agreed, and that afternoon, a couple of people took me into a separate room. They gave me a brief description of Yeerks, and told me that becoming a full member would mean allowing one to live inside my head.

"For the rest of my life?" I asked.

One of them-a tall blonde whose name I had already forgotten-nodded. "They have to leave your head every three days to feed, but otherwise, they're there."

"Feed?"

"They receive their nutrients by swimming in a pool for a few hours. They have to leave your body in order to do that. While they're feeding, you go to a lounge nearby and watch TV, get something to eat, read a book...that kind of thing. When they're finished feeding, you'll hear your name in the intercom, and you go back to the pool."

I tried to digest this, but it seemed like something I wouldn't understand fully until I had experienced it.

"So, the Yeerk is there when I'm sleeping, or going to the bathroom?"

The same blonde smiled at me. It wasn't a fake smile. "I know, it seems weird, but most people get used to it pretty quickly. Most Yeerks don't start out with humans, and virtually every species has to rest and relieve themselves-er, eliminate their waste products. It's completely normal for them, and it will soon feel that way to you."

I had some doubts about that, but not enough to want to run away in the opposite direction. Besides, a new concern had entered my mind...

"Do I..." I paused, running a finger through my hair. "Can it hear my thoughts? Can I talk to it?"

The other one, a red haired girl who was probably a teenager, answered this. "It will hear your thoughts, and you can certainly talk to it. Lots of people find them to be good company." She paused for a minute before adding, "My own host likes to tell me that I know what she's thinking before she can even say it."

I nodded, trying to digest this. "What about my memories?"

"Your Yeerk can see all of them," the redhead told me. "But we don't look at things the way humans do, so even if there's something that you've done that you're ashamed or embarrassed by-"

"-And really, that's pretty much everyone," the blonde interrupted, smiling at me.

"Right. It's not like it's going to judge you the way a human would. In fact, seeing the memory in context will help the Yeerk better understand you," the redhead finished.

"That's...kind of reassuring," I said.

I'd always believed in God. A being who was omniscient, omnipotent. Someone who saw everything, and knew everything. It had been reassuring, when I was a kid. And while I could tell that Yeerks were nowhere near that in their level of power, their ability to view all of my memories and know me completely was, as I said, reassuring. Comforting.

I remember that I asked a few more questions before agreeing to become a full member. Since I'd been voluntary, I later learned, they hadn't needed to use the handcuffs that were in the same room. The redhead held my head gently, since first timers were likely to get startled and jump as soon as the Yeerk touched their ear, but they didn't use any force.

"You'll feel a little pain at first," the blonde told me, as she held my Yeerk in her hand. "But it goes away as soon as the Yeerk releases the painkiller. You just have to remember to hold still, so that your Yeerk can make the connections to your brain more easily."

"How long does it take?" I asked, now starting to feel a little nervous.

The redhead stroked my head. "The first time's the longest, especially if they never had a human host before. So...maybe five minutes? Just try to relax, and hold still. It's scary, at first, but it gets easier once you know what to expect."

I nodded. "Okay. I'm ready."

I felt, rather than saw, the blonde put the Yeerk to my ear.

I jumped as I felt the Yeerk touch my ear, and was glad for the redhead's hands keeping my head steady.

"Sorry!" I apologized.

She just laughed. "Don't worry-it happens to almost all new human hosts."

As soon as she had finished speaking, I felt a sharp pain, and flinched, but as soon as I did, the pain ceased. I let out a deep breath.

"Yeah, I know. But the worst part is over," the blonde reassured me, taking my hand in hers. "Just try to relax while your Yeerk connects with your brain."

"Okay," I managed, taking another deep breath.

I didn't feel any loss of control, yet, but I knew that I would, soon. I hoped that by the time I lost control of my lungs, my Yeerk would be connected enough to my brain to take over. But that had to happen, because otherwise, I would die, and the Yeerks didn't want a dead human to worry about.

Too much paperwork, I thought sardonically, and tried not to laugh.

The loss of control came slowly, as they had told me. It seemed to be completely random, too. Like, it wasn't one arm, and then another. More like, one arm, my left eye, my right foot, my neck. That kind of thing.

But I'd felt a loss of control in so many other ways before, and at least I was prepared for this.

And suddenly, I was powerless. I fought the urge to panic, because really, what good would that do? Only show my Yeerk that I was uncooperative. I didn't know if the Yeerk would leave my head and I'd be expelled from The Sharing, if that happened, so I just fought to keep a hold on my mind.

(Hello?) I asked, unsure if the Yeerk had connected enough to my mind to hear me.

(Hello,) came the response. I could feel a sense of unease as the Yeerk answered, but the voice felt like it was coming from far away.

(Are you all right?) I asked. (Is anything wrong?)

(No. It's just that...I'm not fully connected to your mind yet...if you could just give me a minute?)

(Oh, okay. Sorry.)

I waited, wishing I could take a deep breath or drum my fingers on my chair or something. Not being able to move at all made the waiting feel much longer. But it was probably less than a minute later, that the voice spoke again, stronger. (My name is Hallit five-six-two. You can call me Hallit.)

(Um, hi, Hallit,) I said, a little shyly.

I felt her access my memory. Not that she opened everything then and there, but-as I would later learn-just opening the surface memories to see who I was and what had transpired in the time shortly before she had infested me.

I could feel her relief that I had agreed to infestation.

(You're a voluntary host, then,) Hallit commented. (That's good.)

(Uh-what's that?)

(You agreed to my living in your head,) she explained. (They didn't have to take you against your will.)

I felt a spark of fear at this new information. (They do that?)

(They have to. Can you imagine what would happen if we let every human go, just because they didn't agree to infestation in the beginning? Your government would completely massacre our race. It would go beyond mere genocide. It would mean the extinction of an entire sentient species,) Hallit explained. (And we need to have hosts in order to defend ourselves against those who would kill us.)

She sent me an image of what looked like a blue horse, except it had four eyes and a deadly looking blade on its tail.

(Andalites,) she explained, before I could ask. (And they're far more intelligent than human horses. They don't live on our planet, or at least, they didn't originally. But they found us, and after giving us technology in order to explore space, they promptly decided that we were too dangerous to exist, and decided we must be destroyed.)

I let out a mental shudder. (And you can't exactly defend yourself without a host. I mean, I saw you before you entered my head, and...)

I didn't want to say it, but Hallit knew what I was thinking.

(Yes. We greatly resemble your Earth slugs. We're vastly more intelligent than they are, of course, but that hardly matters if we can't defend ourselves.)

I let this all sink in. Clearly, the other Yeerks (well, Controllers, as I learned later) hadn't told me everything. Still, Hallit seemed nice enough, and as I had already agreed to become a Controller, I didn't think now was a good time to decide to resist.

It seemed awful to think that Yeerks like Hallit lived in the constant threat of being destroyed by Andalites. Especially without host bodies.

I resolved to cooperate with Hallit, and we quickly became friends.


	2. Chapter 2

As I said in the previous chapter, it didn't take long for me to decide to cooperate with Hallit. In part because she would have full control of my body whether I wanted it or not, but also because I could understand how she felt about being helpless. Yeerks needed to have hosts, not only to have a better life than the one they would have in their natural form, but because they were fighting a war with terrible creatures who wanted to destroy them entirely.

I wanted to be on Hallit's side.

Still, there was one thing I was uneasy about. I had known, prior to infestation, that she would have full access to my memory. This would be necessary because she would live my life as I would, and she needed the information my mind contained in order to do so. I hoped that she would give me control on occasion, especially since I was voluntary, but I also recognized that she still needed to know who I was.

There were some memories I had tried-with relative success-to force back into the back of my memory. I still had the occasional nightmare of my uncle touching me, or my father using his belt on me past the point of mere "discipline"...but I never brought up these memories on my own accord.

Hallit would see all of them when she searched my mind, and I assumed that I would see them as well.

(It's all right,) she told me, briefly, as we sat in the chair, facing the two Controllers.

But she didn't extrapolate further, because I could feel her focus on the Controllers in front of her.

"I have full control," she said, using my voice.

"Any resistance?" The redhead asked. I noticed that all warmth from her voice was gone.

Hallit shook my head. "She's fully cooperative."

The blonde allowed herself a laugh. "You lucked out, Hallit five-six-two. Less than half of the humans who agree to become full members are voluntary."

"Some change their mind after a few days," the redhead contradicted. "After they get used to their new life as a host."

The blonde nodded, her face reddening slightly, but said nothing else.

"Do you require assistance to return to your host's place of residence?"

Before Hallit could search my memory for the information, I spoke up.

(It's walking distance from my apartment. Less then a mile.)

"No, thank you." She stood up, and I mentally started at the sudden movement, but didn't say anything directly to her.

(It gets easier over time,) Hallit told me, her tone gentle.

(Yeah, okay. Thanks,) I murmured, glad that she cared enough to say something.

I felt a shift in her emotions. Uncertainly, perhaps. Her mood had darkened a little. I worried if I had said something wrong, or worse, thought something wrong.

(No, it's...) Hallit trailed off, mid sentence. (Don't concern yourself if I seem...just, don't worry unless I tell you to.)

That was hardly reassuring. (Will I be doing a lot of that?)

She sighed. (We're at war with a species out to destroy us.)

A pang of sadness hit me. I remembered the picture of the Andalite Hallit had shown me. (I'm sorry,) I told her.

I felt her mind touch mine briefly, and the effect was almost that of a hug. Or a hand on the shoulder.

(Just trust me to do my job.)

(Okay.)

We were out of the room now, out of the building, and she crossed the street in the direction of my apartment.

I was glad to see that Hallit didn't open my memory entirely just then. Oh, she accessed the information from my head, but it was in a detached sort of way. She was checking my mind for specific information, and it was readily available enough that she didn't have to search very far to find what she was looking for. It was also, I realized, a good way for me to get used to her going through my head for what I began to think of as "an information purpose". I was a little scared that she would start rummaging around my mind for all of my memories, which I imagined she would have to do sooner rather than later, in order to play my role in life. I was relieved that she was waiting-at least, for now-before performing this invasive search.

My thoughts on Hallit's behavior, of course, were readily available to her. She could tell that I had some memories I wanted to keep hidden. That my life was not entirely happy, even now. She was showing me some consideration by waiting a little, but how long could she wait? Perhaps, as soon as we entered my apartment, she would begin a full scan of my mind. She had to, I knew, but the idea made me feel ill.

(You don't have to return to work until tomorrow,) Hallit observed, turning the key in my door.

(No, today was an early shift,) I replied, even though she already knew this.

Had I been in control, I would have been taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

(You're correct that I will have to view all of your memories,) she told me, (but since there's no need to leave your apartment until tomorrow morning, I can access them while you're asleep.) After waiting a minute for me to register this information, Hallit continued, (By viewing them while you sleep, you will not see them, which seems to be a concern for you.)

(Oh.) The realization was like wrapping myself in a warm blanket. (Thank you, Hallit. Thank you so much.)

(It's no trouble,) she told me, but her emotions indicated that she was pleased by my response.

She walked around my apartment slowly, inspecting everything with the air of someone who had some knowledge of it, but had never been there before. Both of which were true, I supposed.

When I had lived with Leah, I had occupied the smaller of the two bedrooms. In addition to those, we had one bathroom, a small kitchen, and a combination of a living room and dining room. Plus, a small outside patio. The house where we had grown up had been much larger, but Leah could hardly accord something half that size on what she made as a paralegal assistant. I had contributed half of my earnings to the rent, utilities, and food bills, but I made far less than Leah, and I knew that she let me live there because the other option would have been a far more dangerous neighborhood.

My apartment was maybe half the size of Leah's. One bedroom, a kitchen, and a small area for recreation. I had managed to fit a small table into the kitchen to eat there. The living area contained a couch that could fold out into a bed, but I had never needed to use it for guests.

Most of the money I took home from my job went towards my expenses. I was lucky if I had a hundred dollars after everything each month. Fifty was the norm. It wasn't because I had expensive habits. With the exception of The Sharing, I rarely went out of my house, except to attend church on Sundays. Most of the time. I had a TV, but no cable. I almost never purchased new clothes. The fact was that my job didn't pay me enough to live exceptionally well, and I was too scared to look for new work that may pay better.

Hallit observed all of these thoughts as she looked around my apartment. Her feelings were neutral, but I felt nervous. Maybe it was silly, but I suddenly cared about what she thought of me and how I lived.

Not having any control over my body certainly didn't help matters.

(I can give you control, if you'd like,) she told me, as soon as I'd had that thought.

(Would you?) I asked. Well, practically begged.

(Not permanently. I need to be in control for a good deal of the time, and always when I'm with my brother Yeerks,) she cautioned. (However, as they aren't here and it's just us...)

Control returned to me, suddenly. I practically gasped as I realized I could breathe again on my own. I moved my hands, tentatively, and was amazed that they responded to my commands. I took a few steps in one direction, thrilled that I could do this. I laughed a little, quietly, even though the walls were thick and I didn't think anyone would hear of take much note of it if they could.

Hallit chuckled within my mind. (It was that terrible, my controlling you?) she asked me.

It felt like she was teasing me. Not in a cruel way, though. Not mocking me.

(I guess it takes getting used to,) I told her, a little shyly. I felt my face redden, suddenly angry that I let myself feel so happy at having my body back.

She gave me a mental nod. (Even with voluntary hosts, there's an adjustment period. It's perfectly normal.)

(Voluntary hosts...you mean, other humans?)

I sat down on the couch, then reached over and pulled the blanket around me, and curled myself up in a ball. My favorite way to relax.

(Yes. Hork-Bajir rarely want us there, but their minds are so limited that it's like trying to reason with a human toddler. They hardly have the intelligence to know what they want. As for Taxxons, their hunger is so extreme that they are always relieved when one of us is there, because when we're in control, they hardly feel it. Humans are more intelligent than both, so even when they recognize our need to inhabit their body, they often are uneasy about it in the beginning. Like you,) Hallit explained.

(I don't mean to be,) I told her, staring at the blanket I was wrapped in.

(I'm not blaming you, Rachel,) she told me, her tone gentle. (If anything, you're adjusting rather quickly.)

(Thank you,) I told her. I yawned, suddenly. I had worked from four in the morning until after noon, it being my morning to assist with setting up the store. I'd gone to The Sharing to agree to become a full member immediately afterwards, skipping my usual nap that day. It was only a little after three in the afternoon, but I was suddenly exhausted. (Hallit? Do you mind...?) I trailed off, knowing she knew what I was asking.

(No, go right ahead,) she told me, still using the gentle tone.

I closed my eyes, and almost immediately, fell into a deep, sound sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel adjusts to her first day of being a voluntary host.

I woke up a few hours later to my tabby cat, Susie, staring down at me. She was used to my irregular sleeping schedule, especially on the days when I worked the early shift, and it was one of her assets that she has yet to attempt to wake me up.

Susie had come to live with me a few weeks after I moved into this apartment. I thought that she had been a stray, and had ignored her when she began following me around my neighborhood. Out of kindness, I made the "mistake" of buying a can of cat food and leaving it out for her, and she interpreted this as my given consent to share my home with her. Somehow, she managed to get into my apartment that night, and when I woke up the next morning, she was perched on my stomach, not unlike how she was now.

Resigned, I took her to the vet after work that day, and received the good news that she must have had a decent home at one point. They placed her at about three years old. She was up to date on all of her shots, and had even been spayed. No flees, ticks, or other health problems. All that was left was for me to purchase cat food, a few toys, a carrier for taking her to the vet (I had transported her that day in an old backpack), cat litter, and a cat litter pan.

All of these had been available at my place of work, and my 20% employer discount made a considerable difference in the total.

I named her Susan after my one time best friend who had moved to the midwest when we were ten. We hadn't kept in touch, but I still had good memories of her. I called the cat "Susie" for short. It wasn't the same as living with Leah, not by a long shot, but it was nice to have some type of companion living with me.

Now, of course, I had another one.

Remembering Hallit gave me a mental start. I recalled the events from earlier in the day, and was relieved to find that I was in full control of my body. Not that I had done much with it, since waking up, except for opening my eyes.

Still, I knew that I was in control as soon as I tried to move an arm and it responded to my command. I moved my head, just to check, and it responded accordingly. Relief flooded through me.

Well, Hallit had said that she would give me some control, and I was glad that she was keeping her word.

I remembered, then, that she could also hear my thoughts, and my face reddened as I realized that she would have "heard" that one.

(There's no need to worry,) she reassured me. (I'm not the type to punish my hosts for their thoughts. Especially ones they can't control.)

Her tone was warm, and I felt myself calm down a little. Things were certainly new, but they would not necessarily be painful or unpleasant. Both of which I had experienced enough in my life. Hallit was just an alien, in need of a host to experience life more fully and to protect herself against the brutish Andalites who wanted to eliminate her and the rest of her species. She'd given me no reason to fear her.

(It's all really new to me,) I told her, even though she had to know this.

Really, if she could hear all of my thoughts, was it necessary to speak to her?

(I can read your thoughts easily enough, but it's more...polite...to have a conversation. And this way, you won't feel like I'm being as intrusive,) Hallit explained. (Besides, when we're at your job or with my other Yeerks at The Sharing, I may be distracted and not pick up on your thoughts as readily as I'm doing now. Addressing them to me will ensure that you receive my attention.)

(Okay, that makes sense,) I allowed.

I reached over to stroke Susie, and after a few minutes of petting her, made myself get up from the couch.

(I guess it's time for both of us to eat,) I told Hallit, who sent me a mental smile.

Dinner for Susie meant pouring some cat food into her empty bowl, and refilling her water dish. It would be a little more difficult for me, because I had to decide (or Hallit did? If she wanted to tell me what to eat?) what to make, and go through the process of preparing it.

(How about soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?) she asked me. (With some ice cream for dessert.)

I laughed out loud, and began to take out the ingredients. (You know me already.)

It occurred to me that Hallit may have gone through some of my memories while I slept, if not all of them.

(I did,) she told me. (You haven't had an easy life.)

I gnawed on my lip to distract myself. (It's been better after I moved out.)

She sighed mentally. (You only heard about The Sharing in the last few months, but we could have helped you as a kid. Well, at least within the past five years.)

I tried to imagine going through the abuse again, this time with Hallit. She was right-it would have been a lot easier. Besides, she might have been able to infest my parents, and then, things would have stopped completely.

I froze, thinking of Leah. Would they take her?

(Not likely anytime soon,) Hallit reassured me. (She's newly married, and according to your memories, she's trying to reproduce. We avoid infesting pregnant women at nearly all costs.)

I snorted. (Because of the hormones, or the process or giving birth?)

(Both, I imagine,) Hallit chuckled. (I suppose that pregnancy happens on occasion, when a female has been infested. Especially if she's married or actively engaged in sexual activity with a male partner. But it's also dangerous, and messy for us, so it's simply not worth the risk. Can you imagine what would happen if a female went into labor on the third day of her Yeerk's feeding cycle? Especially if she was involuntary? It's just not worth the risk.)

This all made sense, and I was relieved to hear it. I had no idea if Leah would be voluntary if given the opportunity, but her status as potential new mother meant that it wasn't something that was likely to happen anytime soon.

Granted, that didn't mean that she would never become a host, but I didn't need to think about that now.

(Anyway, as you've never mentioned The Sharing to Leah, it would seem odd if you suddenly became very interested in her becoming a member. So, even if she does not become pregnant right away, there's that to consider.)

It was true. The Sharing had been something I'd wanted to keep for myself. Only Jill knew, and that was because she'd handed me the flyer.

(I wonder if she's a full member by now?) I asked, removing the soup from the microwave.

Hallit gave me a mental shrug. (We'll find out soon enough. She works with you tomorrow, unless her schedule changed.)

(Not likely,) I commented, sitting down with my dinner. (Will you find out if she's voluntary, if she's a full member?)

(Probably.) Hallit paused for a moment before continuing. (Less than half of the full members of The Sharing are voluntary, and even though it's ideal for them to be, we aren't supposed to care.)

Because if they let anyone go who didn't consent, the Yeerks wouldn't have to wait for the Andalites to kill them. We'd do it first. A few people going to the media about alien abduction was just run of the mill craziness. But hundreds or thousands? The government would get involved-no matter which party they represented.

(Before me, what kind of hosts did you have?) I asked. (Am I your first human?)

(The standard Gedd, as my first host.) She sent me a picture of what looked like a three legged alien monkey. (Very poor senses. They are native to our home world. Aside from us, the most evolved creature there. About as smart as human monkeys. Barely sentient-they know that we're there, but I would hardly be having a conversation with one to the extent to which we are communicating.)

(Aww, you're making me blush,) I told Hallit, which was true.

She laughed before continuing. (After that, a Hork-Bajir.) Along came another picture of a bladed monster. (They look fierce, but they evolved to eat bark on trees on their home world, and that's what the blades were initially used for. They were actually very gentle creatures, but about as smart as a human two year old. We were quite happy with them because we thought they would be excellent fighting machines against the Andalites, but War Prince Alloran-who later got himself infested by Visser Three-released a quantum virus to destroy most of the population. We have several thousand now, but that was less than 10% of what survived. And their descendants, but they don't reproduce very often, and their life spans are abysmally short. Most of them are involuntary, because they don't know better, but a few have managed to understand, and they are voluntary. My next host was a Taxxon.) A giant centipede creature appeared in my head. (They have quick reflexes, and when we landed on their planet, they were very happy to cooperate with us in exchange for food.)

(Were they starving?) I asked, transfixed.

(In a way. Their bodies evolved so that they have constant hunger. My Taxxon would often eat his weight in food while I fed, but five minutes after I returned, the hunger was back at full force. They don't need the amount of food they consume in order to live, but the instinct it so powerful that they are slaves to it. When a Yeerk is in full control, the Taxxon barely feels the hunger, but the Yeerk suffers it.)

(That's awful,) I mused. (Why use them as hosts, if the hunger is so bad?)

Hallit laughed, a little harshly. (Beggars can't be choosers, in part. If they weren't voluntary, we probably wouldn't have attempted to infest them, but a host mind that doesn't fight is hardly a gift to throw away. Besides, their reflexes are excellent, and we use them to pilot our ships. Still, I can't say that I miss having one as a host.)

I didn't blame her. (And after that, you got me?)

(I had two humans before you. A man in his forty's who worked in the computer software industry, and a female in her fifty's who was a teacher. Both were involuntary, and made it abundantly clear that I was not welcome in their head.)

I could feel Hallit's pain at this, and her resentment. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn't know what to say. Fortunately, she could read my thoughts, and seemed to soften at my unspoken words.

(Do you choose your hosts? Or do you get assigned to the first available one?) I asked.

(Well, in terms of species, most Yeerks with hosts go through the levels I did. Although, many try to avoid being assigned to a Taxxon, if at all possible. You can volunteer for a specific human host if there's no Yeerk assigned to them, and that's what I did with you. I was already between hosts, and when I heard that there was a young female who was seeking to become a full member, I thought, well, she can't be much worse than my others! And things are going pretty well so far, don't you think?)

(Definitely,) I told her.

And it was true. As I said, we had already started to become friends.


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of days passed as well as the first afternoon. Hallit treated me kindly, answering all of my questions-I had many, naturally-and giving me full control whenever possible. Since it was still unfamiliar, and even upsetting, for her to take full control, she suggested ways of coping with this. One method was known as "loose control", where she would be the one operating my body, but maintain a loose hold on my mind so that I could "intervene" when I wanted. Hence the term "loose control". She maintained that it would be too risky to do this when we were around her fellow Yeerks, especially at the Yeerk Pool or in the presence of any of her higher ups, which I understood completely.

(We can start this after I feed and after we have left the Yeerk Pool,) she told me, referring to implementing "loose control".

We were about to leave my apartment for her to feed for the first time since she had entered my mind. Yeerks, I learned, had to feed every three days, but seventy two hours was the maximum amount of time a Yeerk could last without Kandrona rays. Hunger set in around two and a half days, so that was when Yeerks scheduled their feeding. There was some flexibility for Yeerks whose hosts were part of "family units", because maintaining their host's cover was more important than adhering to their Yeerk feeding schedule. As a result, most Yeerks with these hosts ended up feeding closer to every two days.

This would hardly be a problem with me. I had never been in any romantic relationship with a man or a boy, and I had no plans to start one. Not that there was much opportunity in my line of work to meet decent guys-most of my coworkers were female, and dating a customer was an easy way to get fired. Even when I had joined The Sharing, it had been more to make friends than to find a suitable spouse.

Hallit seemed to agree with my conclusions. Certainly, my remaining single kept things relatively simple for her. Additionally, there was little chance of me becoming pregnant, which would ensure the following nine months of her life (plus the following few) would be as close to hell on Earth for a Yeerk as was possible to get. At least, that's what they thought of it.

Anyway, Hallit took control as she moved my body out of my apartment, then towards the mall which contained the McDonalds where she would state the password to obtain entrance into the pool.

I had, perhaps naively, believed that the Yeerk Pool was some sort of large swimming pool, much like the ones at fitness centers. No markings to designate the depth of the pool or anything like that, but still, a large swimming pool. Likewise, I imagined that everyone would be waiting along the sidelines, perhaps sitting in chairs, as their Yeerks swam. Again, like a fitness center pool, except the only occupants of the pool itself would be Yeerks.

(It's not quite like that,) Hallit told me now, after crossing the first of several streets.

(How's that?) I asked her, hoping that she would send me some pictures.

(Well, the pool itself is circular, and it's very large, because it needs to provide for thousands of Yeerks. Additionally, there is a recreation area for hosts such as yourself, but it's in a separate location. Behind doors. I've never had hosts in the main area, and I won't show you the area that the Taxxons feed in, because it would give you nightmares. So, when you're in the human area, it will be the first time that I will "see" it. Through your eyes in your memory, of course.)

I recalled that both of Hallit's previous hosts had been involuntary. Which, as she had told me, had been a foolish choice on their part. Hallit treated me well, and gave me control when it was possible, but this was because she knew I wouldn't rebel. Still, even if I had been involuntary, she wouldn't have hurt me-just tried to keep me in check so as to maintain her cover. That being said, there were Yeerks who resorted to harsh means when they needed to keep an involuntary human in check. The ones who did it for recreational purposes were few...but there was only so much a Yeerk could do when their host was determined to fight.

I knew that Hallit had been relieved, very relieved, to receive me as a voluntary host. After dealing with two humans-and ones that were considerably older than I was-who refused to accept and try to understand her, it probably felt like a small miracle to have a host who did not object to her being there.

(So, the voluntary hosts are separated from the Yeerk Pool,) I confirmed. (And the involuntary ones?)

Hallit sighed. (We have to contain them, keep them from escaping and spreading lies about us to your government. We don't hurt them, but the Hork-Bajir guards keep them in cages while their Yeerk feeds. Most of them use the time to make a lot of noise. Screaming, crying, swearing, that sort of thing. A few accept this without saying much, but they're still not voluntary, and could not be reclassified-because they would still attempt escape.)

I let out my own mental sigh. The way things were handled was not exactly surprising, after all. The Yeerks had to keep their existence a secret, and it wasn't like they could just let the involuntary humans go and wipe their memory. Even they didn't have access to this kind of technology. Besides, freeing the Hork-Bajir would be impossible, because humans would be sure to notice a seven foot bladed creature walking around the highway. No matter how gentle they were without their Yeerk.

(You'll hear and witness the involuntary hosts while we wait in line, and then again when you wait in another line before I reinfest you,) Hallit told me, gently. (For the rest of the time, you'll be in the recreation area, and I imagine that the door is thick enough to block out the noise. You'll be able to relax, perhaps read a book or watch TV, while you wait for me.)

(How long does it take you to feed?) I asked her.

(Roughly two hours, but longer if it's been more than sixty-five hours since I last fed.) She sent me a mental smile. (Which will be highly unlikely, with you as me host.)

(Okay.) I would have taken a deep breath, had I been in control, but of course, I wasn't. (And we do this every three days?)

(Yes, Rachel. You'll find it overwhelming at first, but I imagine that you will soon adjust to it.)

I sent a mental nod. (Okay,) I said, again.

We walked in silence for the rest of the way. I could feel Hallit's hunger growing, even though she was trying to hide it from me. If this was what it was like after just sixty hours, I didn't want to think about what it would be like after sixty-five...

We entered the mall, and then the fast food location. Hallit spoke the necessary phrase, and I did a mental double take at hearing her use my voice. I was relieved that she was in control of my face, because my eyebrows probably would have shot up, or something.

The staircase to the Yeerk Pool was long and dark. I could hear the screams shortly after Hallit began the descent down. They were awful, and we both flinched mentally, but we could hardly go back without her starving.

As I'd said before, we'd become friends at this point.

The screams grew as we approached the bottom of the stairs, and once we were in line, I could see firsthand how massive the place was. Cages were all over the place, filled with humans and Hork-Bajir. It was hard not to feel sick when I saw how young some of the people were. I'd expected adults, and maybe some teenagers, but there were also kids. Kids!

(How...?) I asked Hallit, feeling sick.

(I know,) she told me, and I could feel her anger. (Most of them belong to parents who have already joined The Sharing. No one is happy about it, not even the Yeerks. Biologically, they're too young to be taken, because we need hosts who have grown and developed to an extent. These humans will probably be stunted, certainly mentally, but probably physically.) She sent me a hopeless shrug. (But we're at war with the Andalites, and we need to do whatever we can to protect ourselves.)

Her words didn't help much. I still couldn't get over the fact that kids as young as four were being taken, losing their bodies and their autonomy, for the rest of their lives. It was one thing for me or another adult. Even a teenager could understand it. But a kid?

(Most of them were assigned to decent Yeerks,) Hallit told me, gently. (Not traitors, of course, but ones who are known for being...soft...on their hosts.)

I hoped that she was right, and she focused my eyes forward, on the line. We could still hear the screams, of course, but we couldn't see the faces of the kids.

(If we succeed in securing hosts for everyone, it's likely that most involuntary hosts will be let go,) she told me. (With your population, it would take decades for us to reproduce enough to sustain it. And at the rate of your reproduction, you will outnumber us. So, there will be no need to take humans who object to us-and the ones we do with in will all be adults.)

I let out a mental breath. (So, this is all temporary.)

(Most likely, yes. If the Andalites don't kill us off.)

That made me feel a little better. Not a lot, since there were kids still being enslaved. But, it would end after the Yeerks won and the Andalites were defeated. If for no other reason than kids were far from ideal hosts.

Things would work out, in the end.

We were now the fifth from the front.

(Okay, now, keep your head still until you've seen my body go into the pool. I will tell them that you're a first time voluntary host, and the guard will direct you where to go. They will also send a message via intercom-inside the voluntary area-that there is a newcomer, and someone will show you around. When I have finished feeding, they will send a message via the intercom that you are to come and join the second line. If you like, another human can show you where to go, but it should be fairly simple. Anyway, there will probably be others joining you for that line. Then, lower your head to the pool and keep it very still until I have entered. You will know when you start to lose control. After that, I will take over...and we will be finished with the Pool for this cycle. Simple enough?)

(I think so,) I told her. (What happens if I'm in the bathroom or something, and I miss the announcement?)

(Don't worry,) Hallit reassured me, speaking gently. (That happens fairly often. They'll repeat it again in a few minutes.)

It was our turn now.

(Okay. Have fun feeding,) I told her.

(You, too,) she told me, laughing a little. (See you soon.)

"First time voluntary host," she told the guard. "She'll need a tour."

The guard said a few words in another language-which I later learned was Galard-and then switched to English. "Of course," he (or she?) said.

She knelt down, and I could feel her leave my head. I started to feel sad, even empty, as her grip on my mind loosened. Within a few minutes, I had complete control, but I missed her voice. Her kindness.

I told myself it would just be for a few hours, and hadn't I survived without her for the past twenty years?

Still, it felt like losing a close friend. Which, of course, was what she was.

I got up, slowly, and the guard pointed me in the direction of the the voluntary area. I saw the dark set of doors, with two panes of glass in the middle.

I nodded, wondering if he understood this human signal, and then thanked him before heading in that direction.

No other guards stopped me, of course, but there was a small part of me that was relieved not to be seized by one of them and dragged to a cage. The screams were deafening, and a few humans yelled insults at me as I passed them. They probably considered me a traitor. Frankly, I thought that they were just acting like spoiled toddlers. I could understand kids yelling, and maybe humans who had been tortured by cruel Yeerks, but I doubted that most of the people in the cages fit that description. Anger filled me. Yeerks just wanted to have access to our senses, to defend themselves against the Andalites, and my race was behaving like a bunch of spoiled children.

Maybe, there was a better way. Maybe, the Yeerks could have made their presence known, and asked for our help. But how were they to know that we wouldn't kill them all off, like the Andalites wanted to? Secrecy made the most sense for them. Even if, as I could see, they were not all innocent of cruelty.

Well, Hallit had been nothing except kind and gentle with me, and no one I cared about was in danger of being taken against their will. Besides, it was unlikely that involuntary infestation would last, long term, on our planet.

I entered the room with little guilt about being a voluntary Controller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: If you could please take a minute to leave a review or kudos, it would make my day. Thank you!


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as I entered the room containing my fellow voluntary hosts, a few people glanced up and looked at me. Not exactly in an unfriendly way, but more how you would expect someone to look had they been startled by an unexpected noise. Of course. With my entrance, they heard the screams from the involuntary humans and Hork-Bajir outside.

Still, most of the voluntaries seemed unaffected. Maybe, the ones who had looked up were new hosts, like me. Or easily startled. In any event, it made me a little uncomfortable, and I shut the door, quickly, smiling awkwardly. The noise from the outside gone, I took a look at the room itself. I noticed that it looked a lot like a Sharing meeting. Groups of people were scattered around the large room. Some were at tables, chatting or reading. Others were sitting in comfortable looking chairs and couches, watching TV. Just an all purpose social area for people to spend time while they waited for the Yeerk to feed.

A short, very slender woman with straight blond hair and striking brown eyes approached me. She looked to be in her mid 30's, several years older than Leah.

"Hello! I'm Ruby," she said, giving me a sincere smile.

"I'm Rachel," I told her, returning the smile-but mine was probably more awkward.

"First time here?" she asked me, extending her hand.

I shook it, and then nodded. "Yeah. I just became a Controller a couple of days ago."

She laughed. "It's a lot to get used to! I've been a host for a little over a year, and for the first month, I was scared out of my mind whenever Leetat came here to feed."

I managed a smile. "I guess I had expected a big swimming pool and people sitting in those beach chairs watching their Yeerks. But this" I gestured to the room around me, "seems pretty cool."

"Yeah, it's just the outside that, well, kind of stinks," Ruby told me, making a face. "But there's more to the place than just this room, if you want me to show you around?"

I nodded, and I was sure that my face reflected my gratitude. Well, relief, at least. "That would be great."

"Okie dokie, then follow me." She began walking towards the back of the room at a fast speed, and I practically had to run to keep up with her.

She pointed to the far door on the left. "Number one rule. Don't go through there. It's where the Taxxons feed, and well, you probably know about their hunger problem?"

"Yeah, Hallit told me."

"From what I hear, it's a way to the actual feeding area, and you'd smell it before you actually entered it, but for our safety, the whole thing is off limits. Even a Taxxon with a Yeerk is hard to control, but without one..." She shuddered. "Has your Yeerk ever had a Taxxon as a host?"

I paused, chewing on my lip, then nodded as the memory came back. "Yeah, once. She told me that she wasn't going to show me where they spent their Yeerk free time. Probably thought it would give me nightmares."

Ruby nodded emphatically. "Good call on her part. So, yeah, don't go down there."

A question suddenly formed in my mind. "But don't they go through the main room to get there?"

Ruby frowned slightly, clearly not having wondered this before. "I guess they take another door that leads directly to their feeding area. I'll ask Leetat, see if she knows. Well, actually, your Yeerk would probably know that better than mine," she added. "Leetat's never had a Taxxon as a host, so it's probably a fifty-fifty shot."

"Yeah, that makes sense," I agreed, although it seemed like a separate entrance made the most sense. I wondered why there was even a door to the main voluntary area. Maybe, there was a Yeerk in charge to check for problems or something. And, of course, they probably needed to be able to send out the messages on the intercom that the Taxxons' Yeerks had finished feeding.

From what I'd been told about Taxxon hunger, it was hard to believe that they would turn away from fresh meat. Even for infestation. Then again, if they got along with their Yeerk-and it seemed like most did-and they didn't have to experience hunger during the duration of their infestation, then going back to their Yeerk after feeding might seem like as good a deal as consuming several more pounds of fresh meat.

Good thing they fed apart from us. I figured that if I ever saw a Taxxon feed, it would be enough to make me turn vegetarian.

We walked towards another door, and behind that was a short hallway with two doors, each on the opposite side. "Believe it or not, we have bathrooms, but also an area for laundry and showers. There's a human area, which is marked, and a Hork-Bajir area. The Hork-Bajir will look at you funny if you accidentally go in their bathroom area, but you're not in any danger of death. You probably know that they're really gentle, and their blades were mostly just used for pulling apart tree bark for eating?"

"Yes, Hallit told me about that," I confirmed. "And they're not very smart."

Ruby shrugged. "They mostly have the intelligence of a human toddler. Most of them don't want their Yeerks to be there, but you have a few outliers, so they stay here while they wait. And they have to relieve themselves like we do, so the Yeerks created an area for that."

We continued down the hallway in silence, and the next door revealed a gym. "Self explanatory. Also, part of the reason we have human showers," Ruby added, with a grin. "If you use it, and you lose track of time and your Yeerk had finished feeding, just speak into here"-she pointed at a set of speakers-"and tell the sub-visser that you need to clean up. They'll relay a message. They're usually pretty understanding, especially if you're new, but you shouldn't do it that often. It kind of throws the whole reinfestation cycle off."

Since I couldn't imagine spending my free time exercising in a gym, I just nodded.

Ruby giggled, as though reading my mind. "Yeah, not my first choice of spending my time, right? I mean, our Yeerks are pretty careful about what we eat and keeping us healthy, so it's only a real gym rat that would do that on their own."

"Yeah, well, at least they want us to have the option."

"Oh, definitely. And believe me, it gets used. Mostly by the men." She shrugged, as though to say there was no accounting for taste.

We left the room, and the next one was relatively empty, except for some chairs, a couple of beds, and a bookshelf. About ten people were there, practicing something like Yoga or maybe Tai Chi.

"That's our quiet area," Ruby told me in a hushed voice. "Some people use it to meditate, or read. Or nap."

We left the room in complete silence, and then Ruby nodded towards the final door. "That's the sub-visser's office. Sub-visser Thirty-Five. She has a human host, who's voluntary, and likes to check in with the voluntary hosts from time to time. The new ones to make sure they're adjusting and getting along well enough with their Yeerk. Later, to find out if there's anything voluntary hosts need in this area that should be addressed. Rumor has it we're getting a frozen yogurt machine before the end of the year. Most of the snacks are healthy-you know, fruits, veggies, and sandwiches. But there are some decent crackers, and even though frozen yogurt isn't exactly a health food, it's way better for you than ice cream. So, we may make some headway on that."

"Is junk food forbidden among Controllers?" I asked, remembering that Hallit and I had eaten ice cream every day since my infestation. Was she breaking the rules, or maybe just indulging my sweet tooth for the time being?

She shrugged. "I mean, they have nutritional scientists who know what foods the human body needs, but at the same time, the Yeerk is supposed to act the same way the person does. If you eat a candy bar every day at lunch, and you eat with the same people, they're gonna notice if you suddenly stop. And, even if you're massively overweight, your Yeerk probably won't put you on a diet unless you're a recluse. So, we're supposed to eat healthy, and they aren't gonna stock up the snack area with junk food for us to eat on our own, but it's not like it's as important as maintaining your cover. You know?"

"Yeah," I said. Then, as the idea occurred to me, I added, "And they probably have the same likes that we do, when they're in our head?"

Ruby smiled. "Exactly. It's kind of an adjustment for them. Like, Leetat's first human couldn't stand spicy foods. Seriously, she needed to have a glass of water on hand whenever she ate doritos. Not the spicy kind. Just the regular ones. Me, I'm not like, I need to have hot sauce on everything, but I enjoy spicy foods. So, Leetat knew this right away, and she could eat them and enjoy them, but she was mentally doing a double take for the first week or so. Like, she expected to have her old host's reaction to them, but was relieved when it was mine, instead. They pretty much adapt to whatever their host likes to eat."

That made sense. Also, it explained why Hallit seemed to enjoy eating ice cream as much as I did. At those times, she let me have full control, but she still had full access to my senses, including my taste buds. That way, she had told me, she was able to enjoy the cold sugary treat as much as I did.

"So, Leetat's your first Yeerk?" I asked her. We were now in what I had begun to think of as the "main room", which was where most of the people were located. The screams from the outside had been completely blocked out by the door and walls separating us, and it was almost possible to pretend that I was at a Sharing meeting, exchanging pleasantries with another associate member.

I took a seat on one of the very comfortable looking chairs-it turned out to be even more comfortable than it looked-and she followed suit, relaxing into one the opposite of me.

"Yeah, but I'm her second human host. She said that she lucked out with getting two voluntary hosts consecutively. Over half of us are involuntary," Ruby told me, "but it's not like they always explain things completely to perspective members, so maybe that has something to do with it. I was told what was going to happen, had time to ask questions, and said yes because, really, I knew the end result would be the same either way. I found out later that they kept the fighters in cages, while I get to enjoy my time while Leetat feeds in a cool hangout area with others," she explained.

"Do you and Leetat get along?"

She nodded, grinning. "The beginning's always weird, because not only did she have access to my mind and my body, but you know, it was weird having someone operate my body and sound like me the whole time. Plus, showering and going to the bathroom really freaked me out. Which is normal, I guess. But she knew that I didn't object to her being there, and we got used to each other, and all of this became normal. You?"

I shrugged. "It's only been a couple of days so far, but Hallit's pretty nice. She waited until I was asleep to go through my memories, so it's not like I had to relive anything I wanted to forget. It's cool, also, having someone to talk to."

"Definitely. They're great company," Ruby agreed, smiling at me. "And you don't need to worry about misunderstandings or offending them by accident, because they know what's in your head. They'd have to work really hard to take what you say the 'wrong' way, you know?"

I nodded my agreement. "Do most people stick with the same Yeerk? Or, I guess, it's the other way around?"

"Well, Yeerks get their assignments, unless there's an opening they volunteer for. There was one Yeerk-I can't remember her name-who had been assigned to an involuntary human. Very involuntary. I mean, that Yeerk was never in my head, but she didn't seem like the type to torture her host, even when she misbehaved. So, from what I heard, the Yeerk got what they would consider to be the Yeerk equivalent of depressed, and she asked for a voluntary human as soon as the chance came up. It took a little time, but she got one, and it sounds like everything went well. Her old host went to a Yeerk with more experience with problematic humans-as they call them."

"Not a kid?" I asked, hoping this wasn't the case.

Ruby shook her head, strands of blond hair flowing over her shoulders. "No, pretty sure she was a teenager. I never met her, or the Yeerk. Different schedule, and she's definitely in the caged area. So, yeah, Yeerks can make requests, but it's usually all assigned. They work their way up, and usually, we're at the top of the list. Way better than Gedds or Taxxons," she laughed.

That still didn't completely answer my question, but Ruby probably didn't really know. Well, I might find out from Hallit. I guessed that it mostly had to do with how well the Yeerk was performing their job duties, what other humans were available, and maybe whether or not the Yeerk wanted a change. I'd never really considered myself to be ideal at anything, but just as a body for an alien to inhabit? I was fairly young, but hardly a child or teenager. (Frankly, I thought that I had to grow up way too quickly, given how I had been raised. Even though Leah often took the brunt of our parents' abuse, she hadn't suffered at the hands of our uncle. I knew this for a fact.) My single status meant that Hallit could perform her duties and get to her feedings without attracting major attention. While I was far from a social butterfly, this meant that-once again-Hallit could perform her duties to the empire without issue. Most importantly, I thought, I was voluntary. It sounded as though involuntary hosts could do real damage to their Yeerks, from what Ruby had told me. Maybe even grab control on occasion. It had to be stressful, to be a Yeerk with a host like that.

Maybe a corporate CEO or a politician would have given Hallit more status (especially a voluntary one), but as far as ordinary people went, I might be as good as it got.

I wondered a little about Ruby's family. Did she have parents that had been infested beforehand? Brothers or sisters? If so, it hadn't prevented her from being voluntary. Maybe, they had been the reason that she'd been infested.

After all, had Leah been a full member and asked me to go along to the meetings, would I have done so? Maybe, for her approval. But also, to spend more time with her.

These all seemed like too personal to ask someone who I had just met, so I settled on a safer topic.

"There sure are a lot of us, humans," I remarked, rather awkwardly. "How many Yeerks are there?"

"Hmm. Total, around fifty million. But that's including all the ones on the other planets, and the ones stuck on the home world. You know about the Andalites?"

"Yeah, Hallit told me."

"So, there's at least a million Yeerks on Earth, probably more, but it's not like the whole population is here. Visser Three was just given the role of overseeing Earth, so he'll be arriving pretty soon. He's the only Yeerk to have an Andalite host body, and the Andalites are so sour about this that they actually call him 'the Abomination'. Isn't that funny? Talk about sour grapes! Visser One's currently in charge, since she was the one who discovered this planet, but she's supposed to take on duties elsewhere, after Visser Three gets here. She's the one who created The Sharing, which is where most of the humans meet their Yeerks."

It was hard to imagine the Yeerks taking over the planet with a few million of them. Even if they just focused on the U.S. Were they planning on killing off 99% of us? That seemed equally unlikely, since the amount of us was a big attraction. It wasn't like we were covered in blades like Hork-Bajir. And while I had never studied military theory, I had trouble believing that the planet would consist solely of Controllers in the near future.

Well, it wasn't my place to worry about it. Or Hallit's, even. It seemed like the plans had been set in motion, and weren't likely to be changed by any one Yeerk or human.

Except, I would later learn, for the five humans and one Andalite who ended up destroying the Yeerk Empire, and nearly eliminating an entire sentient species.

But you already know all that.

Ruby and I continued to chat until she was called to reinfestation, and ten minutes later, I heard my name. I was looking forward to speaking with Hallit again-less so, seeing and hearing the involuntary humans in cages. As I left the voluntary area, I hoped that the line would move quickly.

It was easy enough to distinguish between the voluntary humans and the involuntary ones. The voluntary ones, like myself, waited in line without any fuss. Some looked bored, like they were at the DMV or the grocery store checkout line, and just wanted to reach the front so they could leave. The involuntary ones were held in line forcibly by two Hork-Bajir guards, each holding an arm. A few of the humans pleaded with the guards, a couple tried outright fighting, and a couple looked ahead expressionless. I saw one female, maybe five years younger than me, struggling to stay standing. She was directly in front of me, so whenever the line moved, I watched as the guards had to practically drag her the few steps forward. I couldn't see her face, just the back of her, and I wondered if she normally would have used a cane or something to get around, but her Yeerk thought it would be too dangerous. But, didn't Yeerks generally prefer healthy people? I'd see if Hallit knew anything about it.

Finally, it was my turn, and I remembered to hold my head still as I knelt in front of the pool. The smell wasn't exactly horrible, but it sure didn't smell like anything pleasant I could remember. I felt the slight sting in my ear before the painkiller took hold, and Hallit began to crawl into my ear.

I lost control the same way I had before-little by little, completely randomly-but I was prepared for it. Within minutes, I had lost control entirely, but heard Hallit's greeting to let me know that she was fully connected to my head.

(Hello, Rachel. Did you have a nice time?)

(Hi, Hallit. Yeah, it was fine, but I'm glad you're back,) I told her.

(I'm glad,) she said, and I could feel that she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you've read this far, please take a minute to leave a review or a kudos!


	6. Chapter 6

I felt Hallit lift my body up from its kneeling position, setting me on my feet again. Since I was voluntary, the Hork-Bajir guards hadn't needed to hold me down, and all she had to do was alert them that she was back in control. She walked me to the exit, keeping her eyes focused towards the stairway and not towards the other Controllers. I was glad.

We made our way up the stairs and back into the mall, then headed outside to wait for the bus that would take us back to my job. As we waited, a thought occurred to me.

(Hallit, how do the guards know when the Yeerk is back in their host?) I asked her.

She clearly understood my meaning-which was obvious, since she was privy to all of my thoughts-and took a minute to consider my question. (I've never been a pool guard, Rachel, so my answer would be speculative. Do you want me to continue?) At my mental nod, she went on. (I believe that they measure infestation by body movement. You see, involuntary hosts usually thrash around, and once their Yeerk is back, their body returns to-well, to normal. The guards help the host to their feet, or at least, don't interfere with the process. The Yeerk usually informs the guards that they have control, and leaves the pool area.)

(Okay, but couldn't someone just fake it? Pretend to be infested, and just leave?)

Hallit another took a minute to mull this over. (I suppose it's possible, but most involuntary humans don't behave very logically during the moment they are being reinfested. I am, of course, speaking from my experience with both of my humans before you, and generally observing the hosts while in line.) She paused again. (Granted, the guards certainly know that it takes a few minutes for the Yeerk to enter a host's brain and take full control, so were a human to claim that they were back in control too soon, they would realize the human was lying-and, of course, speaking for themselves. I suppose that there would be a short window of time if it took the Yeerk longer to reach the human head, but that's also unlikely. Besides, it's the sort of thing that if a host tried once and failed, the Yeerk would be alerted to it immediately, and would inform the guards to prevent something like that from occurring again.)

(Yeah, that makes sense,) I allowed.

(Besides,) Hallit continued, (the human-and humans are the only species intelligent enough to develop such a plan-would have to continue the ruse of being a Controller indefinitely. In addition to attending the regular Sharing meetings, they would have to return to the Yeerk Pool every three days to put in the appearance of feeding. Unless, of course, they attempted to flee the country immediately. Most humans have obligations that would prevent that, as well as lack of access to enough funds. I suppose it's not impossible, but as far as I know, it's never happened.)

Had I been involuntary, this information would have depressed me. Worse than that, really. Sent me into despair. But as I liked Hallit and didn't mind her having access to my body and my mind, this topic was purely one of curiosity for me.

After all, it wasn't like I knew any involuntary Controllers personally, and no one I cared about was at immediate risk of being infested. Besides, Hallit's two humans before me had been involuntary, and what had been the point of that? They could have tried to develop a friendship with her, like I had. Or, at least, an understanding. Cooperation.

We had taken a seat on the bus, and were on my way to my job. I was working what they called a "split shift" today, and they were nearly as bad as back to back shifts. I had arrived at 8:30 that morning and worked until 12:30. After a quick lunch, Hallit had utilized my few hours off to feed. It was almost 4:00, and we'd be working from 4:30 until 8:30. At least, the store didn't close until 10, so I didn't have to deal with closing up and kicking out straggling customers.

(Jill will be the manager on charge this evening,) Hallit told me as we made our way from the bus to the store. (She and Jackie switched, according to the schedule.)

(That's right. I'd noticed that we hadn't seen her since I became a full member,) I commented. (I wonder if she ever joined? You remember that she's the one who told me about The Sharing, but she had just started attending meetings a couple of weeks before me.)

I couldn't recall talking about The Sharing with Jill after telling her that I had attended my first meeting and liked it. Then again, I wasn't one to bring up personal stuff at work. Really, the fact that I'd even mentioned that I had been feeling lonely since moving out of Leah's apartment must have seemed pretty out of character for me. Or desperate.

(Not at all,) Hallit told me, responding to my thoughts, rather than my response to her. (It's perfectly natural for you to discuss those sorts of things with other humans. Even those who are your superior at your place of employment. You shouldn't feel bad about having said anything.)

I gave a mental shrug. (Well, the end result was good, even though I'd have thought you were crazy if you had told me that The Sharing was basically a front for a friendly alien takeover of our planet.)

Hallit snickered at my assessment of the past few days.

(So,) I pressed, (are you going to tell her? That I joined officially?)

I wasn't sure what would be best. Ideally, Jill had also joined and become a voluntary Controller. Not that I necessarily wanted us to share the same feeding cycle, but if she was voluntary and knew that I was voluntary, she would probably be happy for me. On the other hand, if she was involuntary and learned that I was voluntary, she might get this idea that I was a traitor to my species for not fighting Hallit every second of the day. Which would be pointless, because the most I would be able to accomplish was getting a few seconds of control, and looking like a crazy person.

Then again, it was also possible that Jill hadn't joined after all. Had stopped going to the meetings after the first few, deciding it was too much of a commitment. That happened a lot.

(I imagine that I will need to "read the room", as you humans say,) Hallit told me. (I won't say anything about your being voluntary or a full member unless I learn from her-or rather more accurately, her Yeerk-that she's a full member. And if she decided not to join on her own, I am hardly about to break down the doors of her home and drag her to the Yeerk Pool.)

The image got another mental laugh from me. (Okay, I trust you.)

(Speaking of the Yeerk Pool, I need to view your memories from when I was feeding.)

Had I been in control, I probably would have broken out into a sweat. Hallit had seen all of my memories, had known which ones I never wanted to relive, and had promised me that she would not replay anything that had hurt me in the past. Still, wouldn't opening my memory make her prone to seeing the bad ones-and me, as well?

(Do you need to?) I asked, half begging.

I felt her mind touch mine, reassuringly. (I can do a search of that time period alone. I won't see anything except that, and neither will you.)

While that was a relief to hear, I was still hesitant. (Couldn't I just tell you what happened, Hallit?)

(Rachel.) She spoke my name patiently, but there was a slight edge in her voice. (This is something I will need to do every three days. I assure you, it won't hurt, and I won't see anything except the events during that time.)

(But...why?) I asked, feeling like I might be close to tears. Had I been in control, of course.

Hallit's mind remained connected with mine, and the warmth that brought heightened. I felt a little calmer, a little more at ease.

She sighed. (It's my job, as a Yeerk. I know that it may seem odd, but it's my responsibility to see everything that happens to you. It's...) She paused, considering her words. (It's both for your well being as a host, but also my responsibility as a loyal Yeerk to the empire. It's essential that I know everything that goes on in your mind. All right?)

I gave a mental nod. (You promise that I won't see anything else, and that it won't hurt?)

(I promise.)

Still, I found myself prepared myself mentally, waiting for an onslaught of unpleasant memories to hit me, and then gave another mental nod. (Okay,) I said again. (Let's get this over with.)

Instead of the memories I'd feared, I found myself reliving the events of the couple of hours where Hallit was absent from my head in the span of a few minutes. I felt Hallit's emotions, mostly curiosity at what had transpired, and then relief as I made the trip back to the Yeerk Pool without any thoughts of regret or wanting to run away.

The whole thing felt as normal as if I had recalled the memories, but I suspected that Hallit could recall them in more detail than I would have been able to on my own.

Then, it was over. The memory loop, or whatever you wanted to call it, was done. I was back to the present moment, sitting on the bus with Hallit in my head, invisible to the rest of the world.

(Well, that was a little weird,) I admitted. (But not horrible. Not even bad, really.)

She let out a relaxed, gentle laugh. (Rachel,) she chided, (I told you that you can trust me.)

(I want to,) I told her. (It's...)

(I understand.) Her tone was still gentle, kind, with no edge to it. (I realize that there are parts of your life that you never want to relive or go through again. You're afraid of them returning, especially as I have access to your memory.)

(Yeah.)

There wasn't much else to say to this. I could see that Hallit did have full access to my mind, and she was treating me well, in part because I was cooperative, but also because I believed that she was, genuinely, a kind Yeerk.

I guessed part of the problem came from me having access to my memories, and I had known from past experience that events that I wanted to shut out could still enter my head, unbidden. No matter how hard I attempted to keep them out.

But, at least, the memory searches of my time free of Hallit while she swam in the Yeerk Pool wouldn't necessarily trigger the ones I wanted to be free of.

By now, we had arrived at the retail store I had worked since moving out of my parents' house. I am not going to name them in this story, in part to protect any potential voluntary Controllers that may still work there, but also because I don't want to be accused of giving them free advertising. Or worse, being accused of only being able to publish my story because of some sponsorship deal. Not naming them seems like the safest course of action.

Hallit clocked back in, and then reported to Jill for our assignment. Sometimes, I worked at customer service or at a checkout kiosk, but mostly, I worked directly with the inventory. Refolding clothes that shoppers had inspected and dismissed. Neatening the lines of products that had gotten out of order. Bringing supplies from the back to the front when we were low. Counting inventory to see if we needed to increase or decrease our orders of a particular product from one of our providers. Or rather, fill out the form for that and submit it to the manager-since making those kinds of decisions required analysis of past orders that was, frankly, above my pay grade.

Nothing that I did required a ton of skill, much less a college education, and it got to be boring at times. Having worked for three days with Hallit in my head, she helped relieve the boredom by making observations and sometimes remarks that would have sent me into peals of laughter-had I been in control of my body.

One of the questions voluntary hosts got asked a lot, mostly by other voluntary hosts at the Yeerk Pool, was how much control to ask for/expect. After the war, a lot of people saw us as collaborators, sympathizers, no better than Nazis-or at least, the people who carried out the orders from Hitler and his higher ups. Maybe there were some humans who wanted points from the Yeerks for being on the "winning side" after they conquered the planet, but I had never met anyone like that at the Yeerk Pool. Most of them, like me, wanted companionship. They liked the promise The Sharing made of being part of something bigger than yourself, and giving up your body to an alien-especially one who treated you well-wasn't necessarily something that would cause them to run screaming in the opposite direction.

Those, after all, were the involuntary humans.

Anyway, even though we were able to adjust to a Yeerk having access to our minds and our bodies, we knew that we could negotiate our voluntary status to receive some control that involuntary hosts could only dream of. In addition to not being shoved in a cage every three days during our two to three hours of Yeerk-free status, a lot of us asked for periods of time when we controlled our bodies.

Not everyone wanted this. Some humans preferred the Yeerk to maintain control, saying that it helped them, and that the few hours of being without their Yeerk every three days was plenty of "control". Still, those people were in the minority, and I suspected that at least some of them had been involuntary at one point and received less than pleasant Yeerks. When they finally got a decent one, they were happy to cooperate and be reclassified as voluntary.

To answer the question, most of us got at least a solid hour of continuous control each day, and then another hour of so broken up throughout the day. Our Yeerks couldn't give us control during Sharing meetings or at the Yeerk Pool-it was just too dangerous, especially if one of the higher up Yeerks was there. Some of us didn't want to have control during the more mundane parts of the day, like work or school, or waiting on a bus. So, we figured out with our Yeerks what times were best, and they honored our wishes.

And, of course, they were adaptable. If you decided that you wanted a full hour to be at 7:30-8:30 one night so you could watch your favorite TV show, and then 4:00-5:00 the next day so you could prepare dinner and help your kids with their homework, they wouldn't object to that. Nearly all Yeerks preferred having a voluntary human over an involuntary one, which meant that they would make concessions to keep us happy.

We, in part, enjoyed the companionship of our Yeerks, the complete understanding that few humans could ever give us, and the intimacy that came from sharing your head with another sentient being. Sure, there were times when we might want some privacy, but on the whole, we were happier being with our Yeerks than we had been before.

In the time before the Animorphs had "saved" the planet from the Yeerks, my average amount of free time was three hours a day. At least two hours of that was at once, after work and relaxing before bed, and the rest of broken up over the day. Sometimes, when Hallit and I were working by ourselves, we might split control. Like, I'd be free to use my facial muscles, but she'd operate the rest of my body. And, on occasion, even during the times when I was in control, she might "break in" for a moment or two. Like move my legs while I was watching TV to prevent them from falling asleep. Moving some loose hair out of my face. Laughing at a line she found particularly funny. Little things like that. I never minded, was never even startled by this, because by then, it felt more like we were sharing a body than she was controlling me and giving me periods of control as a small concession.

Anyway, Hallit still had full control during that shift, which I hardly minded. We checked the list of task assignment in the staff room, and settled on restocking the shelves with new inventory.

(It's good exercise, not that you need it,) Hallit told me.

Since I didn't have a car, I walked or took the bus everywhere. My job had periods, like now, that required me to be fairly active. And despite my fondness for sweets, my metabolism was pretty good, and they didn't cause me to gain weight. Granted, I was still in my early 20's, but I hoped that wasn't the case.

After all, Leah was able to eat what she wanted without gaining weight, and my mom had always been slender. Thinking about her hurt, and seeing this, Hallit attempted to direct my thoughts elsewhere.

(We can probably go without a grocery run until tomorrow,) she told me. (As we'll be pretty tired by the time your shift ends.)

I gave a mental nod. (Oh, look, there's Jill,) I said, watching our (well, my, technically) boss head towards her. She looked the same as usual, and I wondered again if she was being controlled by a Yeerk.

If she, like me, was voluntary.

For her sake, I hoped so.


	7. Chapter 7

Even though we had said a brief "hello" to Jill right after clocking in, it had been just that. Brief. She sometimes stopped by to check in on employees, partly to eliminate time wasting, but also to make sure there weren't any major problems. So, her stopping by was completely routine.

Still. I was glad Hallit was controlling my body. After all, she could keep my heart from racing, not to mention my voice steady, as she greeted my boss.

Okay, technically, Jill hadn't hired me. The district manager who worked at the corporate headquarters handled all of that, and I had only seen her on staff training days. I wasn't sure she even remembered who I was. For all intents and purposes, Jill-being role of a manager-was one of my supervisors. Yes, just one of them. Everyone here was held accountable to anyone with a "manager" in their title. And while they didn't do the hiring or the firing, any one of them could put a complaint she (or, in approximately 50% of the cases, he) had with me in my record, and that could lead to "disciplinary action".

All of this was theoretical. In the time that I'd been working there, I'd never had any problems with my coworkers, the customers, or any of the higher ups. Not that this was a major feat. I mostly just did my work quietly. Avoided contributing to any trouble making-which I knew existed. It helped that I was willing to filled in for anyone who asked me to-as long as it meant I didn't have to work on Sundays-even when it meant working more than forty hours, or back to back shifts, or extra split shifts. Not that I felt taken advantage of. After all, everyone was expected to pull their weight, and when I'd needed coverage for the few days surrounding Leah's wedding, there had been no problems or even complaints.

Still, if I had to be completely honest with myself and Hallit, I would say that I more than pulled my weight.

Granted, none of this would matter to the potential Yeerk in Jill's brain, but I liked to think that Jill knew.

"Hi, Jill," Hallit said, straightening up from the carton of shampoo she was unloading.

"Hello, Rachel," she said, giving me her standard smile. Pleasant, professional, what I privately called "work friendly". "Just got in?"

Hallit shook my head. "I'm working a split shift today, so I was in earlier and had a few hours off. I got back about an hour ago."

"Eight hour day, though?" Jill wrinkled her nose. "Not fun. Did you take your breaks yet?"

The way the rules worked, everyone was entitled to a fifteen minute break for every four hours you worked. So, you were actually working three and three quarters hours for every four. You could do whatever you wanted during that time, just as long as you stayed on the site. Meal breaks, in thirty minute increments, were unpaid (and optional) and could only be used after you worked four six consecutive hours. I never bothered with those, preferring to eat during my 15 minute breaks.

"This morning, yeah. Not this afternoon, but I'm in until 8:30, so I was thinking around 6:30 or 7:00."

Jill nodded. "Okay, just remember to take them. There's been some trouble with employees not taking their breaks and then filing complaints with corporate. Wanting to count it as paid days off, instead." She made a face. "Not something you'd do, I know, but all of the managers have been told to make sure their staff takes their breaks during their shift."

Hallit nodded again, and it looked for a minute like Jill was about to leave, but then she spoke again, her voice a few decibels lower than usual.

"By the way. You mentioned last month that you had started going to Sharing meetings?"

"Yeah, I'm still going. They're really fun," Hallit replied, and I could feel hesitancy in her voice. Even though I couldn't read her thoughts, I was pretty sure she was wondering if she should mention, then and there, that she just became a full member.

She nodded, rather more enthusiastically than necessary. "Have they told you about full membership?" Before Hallit had a chance to respond, she continued. "I became a full member last week. If you think being an associate member is cool..."

"Oh, I became a full member three days ago," Hallit said, nearly interrupting my boss' sales pitch.

She blinked at me, then smiled. A little knowingly.

"Well, then. I should ask for your name," Jill-or rather, her Yeerk-told me. Well, told Hallit, since at this point, it was Yeerk speaking directly to Yeerk.

"Hallit five-six-two," my Yeerk responded, with a slight nod. Possibly a sign of respect, although in all probability, she was speaking to a peer, and not a sub-Visser or Visser.

Jill's Yeerk made a nod back at me/Hallit. "Sorren seven-three-eight," she told me.

(Hallit? What do those numbers mean?)

(Virtually nothing, unless they're in the two hundreds or one hundreds,) she explained. (We're essentially peers.)

(Well, I guess that's easier for her than had you been a sub-Visser,) I joked, which got an internal laugh from her.

Hallit paused, and I could tell that she was accessing her own memories, probably trying to recall if she knew this Sorren. "I don't believe we've met before. Which pool were you born into?"

"Hett Simplatt. Yourself?"

"Sulp Niar, around the time of the seizure of the home world."

"Ah, then you are approximately three cycles my senior," Sorren calculated.

(Cycles?) I prodded.

(Not the feeding kind. She's not nine days younger than me. We use them the way you humans would use "year",) came Hallit's voice, a little abrupt. Then, (Sorry. It's a little difficult to keep track of two conversations at once.)

Giving her a mental nod, I said, (Got it. Mum's the word.)

"Yes, that sounds accurate," Hallit replied. "Your birth was after the Andalite massacre of the Hork-Bajir? I was not fortunate enough to receive one as a host when the planet was first discovered. I had to make due with a Gedd until I was promoted."

I was dying to ask Hallit about the massacre, but as I had just promised to keep my silence, I did. Besides, I figured that she'd fill me in on what had happened later.

"Yes, my siblings and I were born shortly after that virus infected the race." Jill-well, Sorren-made a vague motion towards me. "Is this your first human host?"

Hallit shook our head. "Third, but the first who hasn't resisted."

Sorren's face lit up a little. "Voluntary, then?"

"Yes," Hallit replied, and I could feel her pride at this.

"Mine's...cooperative," Sorren explained, choosing her words carefully. "I've allowed her the status of voluntary so that she won't be placed in the cages, and possibly injured by well meaning but vigilant guards. However, she's still not entirely..." Sorren paused before concluding, "I suppose that she needs some more time to adjust to her new life as a host."

Hallit nodded and made our face look understanding. "Well, the average adaption period for new voluntary hosts is a month, and if she hasn't tried to escape, then you were wise to allow her to be classified as voluntary. You've fed twice since having been assigned to her?"

At my mental confusion at the last part, Hallit explained, (Jill became a host a week ago, remember? So, Sorren will have fed at least twice.)

Oh.

"Three times. I was notified at the end of my second day out of the pool that I would receive a human host, and asked to feed immediately beforehand in case there were any problems with resistance. Unfortunately, that's altered my feeding schedule, and it will probably take me a month before it can be fully regulated. Still," she added, gesturing at her body, "it was probably necessary to feed beforehand."

Hallit nodded empathically. "'Do not deplete your kandrona supply before attempting new ventures,'" she said. "To quote the late Council Member Salran two-zero-three."

"Exactly." She glanced at her watch. "I need to be going. Manager meeting in fifteen minutes. I might need to stop by later, if there is news of any new shipments."

At my inner confusion, Hallit explained, (I think she means new Sharing members among the employees.)

Ah. That made sense.

Hallit nodded. "I'd better finish unpacking these boxes. Nice to see you again."

Another nod, and Sorren was off.

Once we were by ourselves, Hallit let our a short breath, but kept the conversation between us in our heads.

(That went relatively well,) she said. (Jill's nearly a voluntary host, from the sound of it, and your human boss' Yeerk is not my superior.)

(I guess. What do you think Sorren meant, though? About Jill?)

Hallit gave a mental shrug. (Depends how she became a full member, really. Sometimes, like in your case, they take a prospective voluntary host into a room and give an explanation, then allow them to ask questions. But with larger groups, there's often not enough time for that. So, they take the group to the pool, and their Yeerk has to explain everything after infesting the human.)

(That sounds awful,) I mused, and I could see why some people might be involuntary after going through that. At least, in the beginning.

(Well, it's certainly a cause of stress for both of them. It's possible that Jill fit into that category. Or, perhaps she was able to ask questions, but unlike you, realized that while there was no way out, she didn't particularly want an alien residing in her head. I didn't want to ask too many questions right away.)

(No, I agree,) I told her. I was quiet for a few minutes, thinking about Hallit and Sorren's talk while Hallit performed the unpacking and restocking. Then, I remembered what Hallit had said about the massacre of the Hork-Bajir. (Hallit...?)

(Yes, the massacre.) Hallit gave a mental sigh. (One thing that you should know is that the Andalites originally landed on our home planet and, at first, only saw the simpler forms of life. Including the Gedds. You haven't seen any, yet, because on this planet, they're kept in menial positions. The Yeerks with them are just starting out with hosts, so their tasks are lowest on the scale. Their senses are very poor-dim eyesight, for example-so they can't be given any major responsibilities. They are about as intelligent, without a Yeerk inside them, as a human monkey. Barely sentient.)

As she spoke, she sent me pictures of them. What struck me most was that their legs were of uneven lengths. They must have figured out a way to walk with this problem, because in the images, they weren't constantly stumbling over.

(The Andalites, at first, paid little attention to the Gedds, but after visiting for a few days, they noticed Yeerks leaving the ears of the Gedds and entering pools of water nearby. They also saw different Gedds in the state of what's commonly referred to as "infestation", or the Yeerks entering their ears. It should be noted, Rachel, that on the home world, my brother Yeerks did not construct cages to keep the Gedds from running away. I rather doubt that infestation was as regulated as it is now, with a Yeerk being assigned to a host. More likely, when Gedds went to drink water, a Yeerk who happened to be nearby would know, via sonar, and utilize them as a host. Back then, there are far more Yeerks than hosts, and many Yeerks went their entire life without having a host body. The older ones I have spoken to say that they lived happy enough lives, and it wasn't until after the Andalites invaded and the war began that the need for taking more powerful hosts came about. They realized that their world had changed with this invasion, and Yeerks would have to join together to fight back and reclaim the home world.)

(But you were born after the Andalites invaded?) I asked her, watching as she moved to another aisle of products, box in hand.

(Yes, immediately afterwards. I was one of the first to be born in an artificial pool, which Seerow had constructed before the invasion began. You see, Rachel, Seerow was the sole Andalite who advocated for us, saw us as an intelligent species, and wanted to give us the power of space flight. To explore other worlds with our Gedd hosts, and experience senses from other sentient creatures who were in favor of an alliance.) She laughed. (Some of my brother Yeerks claim that he even allowed a Yeerk in his own head, briefly, but that could just be legend. At any rate, after the portable pools were constructed, we suspected foul play, and a few Yeerks in their Gedd hosts attempted to defend the pools from other, less sympathetic, Andalites. They used that as an excuse to go to war with us. Some Yeerks and their Gedd hosts managed to escape on a spaceship with a portable pool, where I was later spawned with nearly a thousand other siblings. We knew that we needed to find better host bodies than the Gedds if we were going to regain our home planet.)

I could feel Hallit's anger at the Andalites, but also her admiration for Seerow. Her sorrow at her home planet-which she herself had never visited-being taken away from her race by the violent and ruthless Andalites. Yet again, I wanted to help her fight to win back what was rightfully hers. And, of course, millions' others.

(I'm so sorry, Hallit,) I told her, softly.

My hands formed fists before Hallit realized what she had done, and immediately went back to putting items on the shelves.

(Thank you, Rachel. Anyway, we encountered a few species that could be utilized as hosts, but their senses and intelligence were not much better than a Gedd's, and their numbers were small. Fewer than a hundred in all. So, when we came across the Hork-Bajir planet, we were greatly surprised to find a species that was so built for fighting. Of course, they hardly knew that their blades could be used for that purpose, since they only ate tree bark, and used the blades for that. But with our help, they could become powerful fighters against the Andalites. There were thousands of them, and as I told you before, they were hardly more intelligent than a human toddler. So, while there was a small resistance-ironically, led by Seerow's daughter Aldrea-it was easy to utilize them and form an army.)

(But the Andalites killed them all in battle?) I guessed.

She visibly shook our head before stopping. (No, what they did was base and cowardly. Instead of fighting us directly, War Prince Seerow developed a virus that would attack and kill off the entire Hork-Bajir population. He called it a Quantum Virus. Once airborne, it would infect and destroy the entire race. Leaving us without hosts. Some of the Yeerks were Hork-Bajir were on space craft when he released the virus, and a very small number of Hork-Bajir were immune, or at least, able to recover. The rest were killed. And, Rachel, it was hardly a painless death. We went from having hundreds of thousands of warrior host bodies to only a few thousand. Moreover, Hork-Bajir live very short lives-ten to fifteen years-and it's rare for a single female to be able to birth more than three offspring before they enter the equivalent of "menopause". So, our numbers remain nearly as low as they did after the virus broke.)

(So, you were a little better off than you were before, but the Andalites really set you back,) I told her. (How awful for you.)

They were hardly closer to reclaiming their home world than they had been when the invasion started.

(We came across the Taxxons several years later, and because of their extreme hunger, they were more than willing to team up with us in exchange for fresh meat. Which we have more than provided for them,) she told me. (And their instincts are excellent for piloting ships and fighting in non physical combat battles. But they don't have the physical power that Hork-Bajir bodies do, and as someone who's had a Taxxon as a host for over two years, the battle over hunger is a constant one. They don't feel it nearly as much as we do, when we're in control, and they make decent companions. Still, we now have that battle to fight, and it's nearly impossible not to let those instincts take over.)

I gave a mental shudder. (Too bad you can't "turn off" that instinct, or something.)

Hallit gave me a warm mental smile. (Some day, perhaps. After we've reclaimed our home world, and are working with the best human scientists. Maybe there's something that the Andalites can do about it-once we infest those who can help us. It will be a wonderful day when they're no longer a threat to our world and our species.)

(They sound like arrogant bullies, except maybe Seerow,) I told my Yeerk. (And the sooner they're gone, the better.)


	8. Chapter 8

We passed the rest of my shift without any other interruptions. Sorren did not return that evening, but whether that was because she was too busy with her host's managerial role or she simply had nothing to report, we didn't know. At 8:30, Hallit clocked out and gathered my belongings before placing my store uniform-which was essentially a t-shirt with the store's logo on it, as we were allowed to wear whatever we wanted from the waist down-back into my locker. Some of the staff, myself included, wore it over another shirt, since we could get hot easily, and that reduced the number of times it needed to be sent to the company's laundry facility.

(We don't need to be back until Monday,) I told Hallit, smiling inwardly at the idea of having two days off.

(Yes,) Hallit agreed, giving me her own mental smile. (But we're not entirely without obligations this weekend.)

I wasn't sure what she meant. (Just church on Sunday, and dinner with Leah and Mark on Saturday. No Sharing events, though?)

(I need to return to the Yeerk Pool on Sunday night,) she explained. (Perhaps after we eat dinner.)

I did the mental equivalent of raising my eyebrows. (I thought you only needed to feed every three days.)

(Three days is the maximum amount of time I can go before succumbing to Kandrona starvation. The hunger starts to set in around sixty hours. Sixty-five is when it becomes painful, and anything after...well, the point is, sixty hours from when I last fed would be early on Monday morning,) Hallit told me. (And, as you know, e need to be at work by 9:00, and feeding takes a few hours, so it would require visiting the pool around 4:00 in the morning,) Hallit continued. (Simpler to go the night before.)

That made sense to me, and I didn't object. Then, as I did the math in my head...

(Hallit, you went over sixty-five hours without feeding in your last cycle. Weren't you starving?)

She made a sound that resembled a grimace. (Very nearly, Rachel. But, as you had a gap in your day, and the other alternative was to have us wake up at 3:30 in the morning, I decided to risk it. Going the previous night would have been more practical, but we were working until 8:30 then, and you need your sleep.) She paused.

(Next time, go. I don't want you going through some super Yeerk feat just to give me a few extra hours of sleep,) I implored.

Hallit gave a mental nod. (I certainly won't intentionally be doing that again. It's a bit like when humans pull an all-nighter or put yourself through some intense form of physical stress. You recall having survived it, but after it's over, you forget how painful it was until you have to do it again.)

I'd never pulled an all nighter, but I could think of other unpleasant and recurring events in my life that had similar results.

(Yeah, let's not do that again, if we can help it. But really, Hallit, I can wake up super early if it means you're not going to nearly starve,) I told her.

She laughed, gently. (Thank you, Rachel.)

We had arrived at the grocery store by now, and Hallit selected a shopping cart and began filling it with the basics. It wouldn't be an extensive trip-we were too tired for that-just the necessities to get us through the next few days. Milk, bread, yogurt, and some other perishable goods.

Of course, we stopped at the frozen foods section for prepared meals-as well as ice cream. I had my favorites, which Hallit selected, but she looked around to see what else we might enjoy.

(Ooh, Mickey mouse bars!) I squealed. (I haven't had those since I was a kid. I thought they stopped making them.)

Hallit selected a box and added it to the cart. (Anything else?)

We glanced around, but either tiredness or a lack of anything that attracted us made me give a mental shake of my head.

(I think we're good, here.)

She gave a mental nod, and after adding a package of Twizzlers to the cart, we waited in line.

(Why Twizzlers?) I asked her. I'd only had them a couple of times, being more of a chocolate person.

(One of my old host's favorites. She practically lived on them. I suppose I developed a taste for them. Granted, senses can vary from host to host, but do you mind?) She said the last part a little anxiously, as though concerned I would laugh at her.

I gave a mental nod and grin at my Yeerk. (Go ahead. If it's sugar, it has to taste good,) I told her, which got a laugh.

Ice cream and candy aside, the rest of my cart contained all healthy items. Still, I felt a little nervous when the cashier rang us up, as though she might make a snippy comment about my eating choices.

It had only happened once, a year ago after I first moved out, and I wished later that I had remembered her name to file a report to customer service. I'd been working in retail long enough to know that kind of thing never flew, and enough customer complaints about an employee's attitude could-at the very least-mean a write up slip in their record.

Ironically, that woman had been at least twenty pounds heavier than me and two inches shorter. Hardly one to give diet advice.

(If we see her again, I'll know, from your memories,) Hallit told me, as the woman rang up my groceries without any inappropriate comments. (Maybe, we'll buy only candy and ice cream that day, and choose her checkout aisle, just to provoke her.)

I giggled. (Hallit, you're terrible,) I told her.

(I have my moments,) she agreed, a little too cheerfully. After a moment, she added, (But I wouldn't hurt you.)

(Oh...thank you,) I told her, touched that she noticed and bothered to reassure me.

Yeerks, I realized, were a lot different from humans in this way. Hallit's being in my head meant that she had full access to all of my thoughts and memories, of course, but she also knew me at least as well as I knew myself. And while many former involuntary hosts, after the war, would be happy to tell anyone who would listen their sob story about how their Yeerks used this knowledge to make their life a living hell, Hallit only used this to deepen our friendship and improve my quality of life.

Still, I knew that it helped her that I was voluntary-and wanted her there.

We returned home and as soon as we put away the groceries in the appropriate places, as well as fed my cat, she yawned.

(I'm exhausted. Ready for bed?)

I was, a little, but I also hoped for some control and maybe to read for a little while. On the other hand, I'd gotten a few hours of control while Hallit fed, so maybe I shouldn't push it?

(Go ahead, then,) she said, sounding a little amused, before letting go of her hold on me. (I can hear all of your thoughts, you know. Even the ones you don't direct at me.)

Redness filled my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

(No, no, I didn't mean it like that!) she murmured, giving me a mental hug (without taking control). (I only mean that you can ask me whatever you want, without worrying that I'll be angry. The worst that I may do is say no, and I won't do that without a good reason.)

I nodded, feeling a little better. (I definitely would like control now, for a little while. And, you know, maybe some every day. Like, maybe an hour or so?)

As I "spoke", I headed to my room, preparing myself for the awkwardness of undressing "in front of" my Yeerk. I knew that it would become less awkward as time passed, but after three days, it was still plenty awkward.

(That's fine with me.) At my silence-partly caused by my desire to get undressed and put on a nightgown as soon as possible-she added, (You know, Rachel, many voluntary hosts negotiate for control.) She paused. (I suppose that "negotiate" is not the most accurate term. Whatever the ideal word is aside, the point is that these hosts receive additional control from their Yeerk that involuntary hosts would never receive. It's ensures a better working relationship, and some of the sub-vissers encourage it. Indirectly, of course.)

(How do you know about this? I thought I was your first voluntary host-except for the Taxxon?) I pulled a nightgown over my head in record time. Then, belatedly, realized it was on backwards. I moved it around as I listened to Hallit's answer.

(It's a fairly common conversation topic in the Yeerk Pool among those with willing hosts, and those who are about to receive humans for the first time often have training sessions beforehand. You're far more advanced than our other hosts, and there's greater variation among you.)

(And they tell you that if your human is willing, it's okay to give them some control?)

(Not in so many words. They take the perspective that your human is more likely than not to be involuntary, but there are those who come around, or start out voluntary, and these are ways of having a good working relationship with them. Few Yeerks actually prefer involuntary hosts, but I suppose that after enough time...) Hallit gave a little shudder. (Cruelty is not limited to your race.)

I didn't want to think of a Yeerk led to torturing another human-except, perhaps, a few that I knew-so I tried to change that part of the subject.

(And after you find you have a willing host?)

Hallit shrugged. (Really, we simply attempt to do what's possible to keep them happy. Some control, a pleasant area to wait in while their Yeerk feeds, and of course, wonderful conversation with their slightly intellectually superior alien that resides in their head most of the time.)

I laughed at the last part. (You're definitely more advanced than us,) I told Hallit, brushing my teeth. (We're still wondering if there's any life out there. Of course, I guess that will be common knowledge before too long.)

(You have many scientists with great minds, even though there's no Yeerk in them,) Hallit told me. (At some point, after we have regained our home world from those vile Andalites, we can collaborate with humans in the field of science. And others, I'm sure.)

While I'd never been much for science, the idea of a Yeerk and human scientific partnership did sound pretty cool. Not to mention, we'd be doing a lot more space exploration soon.

Of course, we had to take out the Andalites, first.

Even though I was a little tired, it was still not yet 10:00, and I wasn't completely ready for bed. I guessed I also wanted to make the most of my control, even though it was hardly the last time I would be able to use my body when Hallit was still there. The question was what to do. My two main options were watch TV, which would require going to my living room and seeing if anything decent was on, or reading in bed.

Reading my thoughts, of course, she spoke up as I stared at my bed uncertainly from the bathroom door. (If you were to read, you wouldn't need to bother about getting a blanket ready, or coming back to bed afterwards.)

That was true. I never slept as well on my couch as I did on my bed.

I nodded-this time for real-and headed to my bed, where I glanced at my stack of books on the table. Since books, at least in the quantity I consumed them, could be expensive, I visited the library often. It was rare that I wasn't reading at least two at the same time. Not that I was a big expert on literature. The books I read were more geared towards teenagers, even kids. I wasn't exactly reading classics like Moby Dick or Jane Austen. But, I supposed that it was better than watching TV, and wasn't free time something that was supposed to be enjoyed?

I scanned through the pile and settled on a historical fiction diary about a young girl on the Titanic. I got settled into bed and began to read. Moments later, Susie (my cat) joined me, curling up by my side. It probably would have made a nice picture, a cat stretched out against her human, eyes closed, looking content. I took a moment to smile at her before turning back to my book. A half an hour later, I placed the book back on the table, turned out the lights, and got myself tucked in under the covers. Within moments, I was sound asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked normal enough. No one could tell that Hallit was in my head, not even another Controller. Still, I kept expecting something in my appearance to give me away.

Of course, it wouldn't be my appearance. It would be my behavior. Not in the "Rachel was very well behaved today" sense of the term, but how I acted. As in, how I acted around my sister and her husband.

Hallit and I would be heading over to her house in less than an hour, and it would be the first time I had seen either of them since I'd been infested.

After I'd moved out, Leah and I made it a priority to have dinner together at least once a week. It wasn't very hard, since she always had weekends off, and even if I had to work on a weekend, I was always finished by 5:00. Losing her companionship had been difficult for me, and she'd known it. I hadn't tried to make a fuss when she got engaged to Mark. As far as I could tell, he was a decent guy. I could tell that she was happy with him. And, at age 27, I knew that it was only a matter of time before she got married.

She wasn't like me in that way. She hadn't been hurt in that sense.

I'd told myself that she was only a few minutes away, walking distance. It wasn't like my big sister had moved across the country, or even to another town. Still, I knew, even before they got engaged, that everything would change once Mark became a permanent fixture in her life.

Which, as you know, is why I joined The Sharing. Why I agreed to become Hallit's host, when many other humans would have rebelled at the idea of giving up near permanent control of their body. It had only been a few days, but I saw Hallit as a friend. We certainly had the intimacy that friends had-and more than that, since she was living in my head.

At the same time, her existence in my head presented obstacles. Not that I was afraid that Leah would become an involuntary Controller. Or a voluntary one. I hoped that, if it came down to that, it would be the second option. But her "status" as a woman who was newly married and very likely to become pregnant at any time meant that she was-for now-not likely to be a host for a Yeerk. Which, as far as I was concerned, was best. Because even if she became voluntary at a future point, adjusting to my sister as a new wife was one thing. Adjusting to her as a possibly involuntary slave to an alien-that was something else entirely.

My anxiety came from a desire to have control when I saw Leah and Mark, as well as the fear that I might give something away. Or, at the very least, not seem like myself.

Hallit was willing to give me control for the visit. She had told me this, on a few occasions. And really, she was there, ready to take control before I could let something slip. Seem off. I hoped. Not that I would fight her, but could she really prevent split second decisions-not even decisions, really-that could make Leah and Mark wonder about me? Worry about me?

It would be easier, I knew, to just sit back in my head. Let her take over completely. Hold me in that form of control that was not loose or gentle-it wouldn't give me the ability to act on my own-but it would allow me to feel my body as much as if I was in charge. I could feel there, even if I wasn't the one speaking, the one eating my food. The one giving Leah a hug.

(If you did that now, you'd regret it later,) Hallit told me. (You would wish that you had been yourself with your sister. It's better for you to be in control. You know that I can take over before you do or say something that they would notice.)

(Are you sure?) I asked her. (Are you completely, 100% positive, Hallit?)

She sighed, then laughed a little. (More like 99.9%. I've had enough involuntary hosts who have attempted to fight me. Damage control, as you humans call it, is something that the empire instills on us as soon as we have human hosts.)

I nodded mentally. (You're right. Of course, you are. You know me completely, after all.)

I felt her give me a mental hug. (You're nervous, Rachel. It's all right. You'll be fine-and if you're not, I'm here. It will get easier, too, I imagine.)

Maybe. I wasn't entirely certain about that. The whole thing-it felt a little deceitful. I'd told Leah everything in the past. We were closer than most sisters, I knew. Probably, our shared abuse had something to do with it. We needed each other more.

Well, I needed her more.

Keeping Hallit a secret felt almost like lying. But telling Leah about her would result in her infestation. Probably Mark's, as well. And if she ended up infested at a future point, I wanted it to be because it was her decision, and not because of anything I'd done to mess things up.

I knew this, logically. Emotionally, less so. And it would make being myself around her that much more difficult.

I was so glad that I had help.

I felt Hallit "watch" me as I continued to stare in the full length mirror. I didn't get dressed up to see Leah, not like I did to go to church. But I always tried to look decent. Clean hair, clean clothes, that kind of thing. Truth was, since I wore skirts (and dresses) nearly all the time, I probably looked better when I went to Leah's than most people did going to church. Jeans and shorts and sweatpants had become the new normal. Not like when I was a kid and all girls and women wore skirts and dresses to worship. Anyway, today, I had on a long sleeved blue shirt that was a little nicer than a t-shirt but didn't quite fit the definition of "blouse", and an ankle length jean skirt that was very full. My hair was in a braid down my back, nearly reaching my waist. No makeup-I couldn't afford it-but my face didn't look bad. No zits or anything. I looked fine.

(You're very pretty, Rachel,) came Hallit's voice.

I rolled my eyes. (Thanks. But you're only saying that because you're my Yeerk.)

(Based on what I understand about human beauty, you're fairly attractive...) she began, but then stopped as the image of my uncle flashed through my head. (Oh.)

(Yeah.) I shuddered. (Okay. I think we're ready?)

(Yes, once we put on your shoes and grab your purse,) Hallit confirmed.

(Oh, that,) I said, forcing a mental smile, trying to block out the memory.

(It's not your fault,) she told me. (And if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here.)

I swallowed hard. (Maybe. But not now, okay? Definitely not now.)

She gave me another mental hug. A long one. I felt much better afterwards. (All right.)

The walk was a short one, and the temperature wasn't too bad. As you probably know from reading the Animorphs books, we live in southern California, which is pretty much warm year round. Evenings were a little on the cool side, especially at this time of the year, but compared to places like Pennsylvania and North Dakota, it's nothing. We'd pulled on a light blue button down sweater for the walk over, and that was all the warmth that I needed.

It felt a little strange to have been in control for this long, and know that another few hours awaited me. On the whole, I preferred being the one in charge of my body to Hallit, but there were also times when it was great to just sit back in my mind and let her take over. Especially at work. I hadn't quite figured out how to take a nap while she was in charge, which, as I later learned, was what a lot of human hosts did. Even the involuntary ones. But Hallit was patient, and promised to walk me through the process. Anyway, the prospect of having more than a couple of hours of control all at once felt a little strange. Almost excessive, even for a voluntary host. It increased my sense of guilt.

(I'm still here,) she reminded me, kindly. (I can still enjoy your human senses, even if I'm not the one operating your body. There's no need to feel guilty.)

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. (Okay. Thanks.)

A few weeks after they got married, Leah told me that she and Mark were moving from the apartment that we had previously shared. She'd explained that while they currently had enough space, they wanted to think long term, and a two bedroom apartment was likely to feel too small after she had a lawyer, Leah made a lot more than I did, and I could see her point. Mark worked as a developer in some computer industry, so even with the high real estate prices, I imagined they could definitely afford a decent sized house in this area.

They were still looking for the perfect home, though, and still renting the apartment that Leah and I had shared for the first two years of my adult, post abuse life. They wanted to stay in the same neighborhood area, as Leah put it, for easy access to their jobs and family.

Not just me. Neither one of us communicated with our parents any longer than absolutely necessary, but we had several cousins in the area who were decent enough, and a couple who had suffered similar treatment by my uncle. Of course, their parents didn't abuse them the way ours did. Or blame them afterwards.

The apartment we lived in had several entrances and exits, as opposed to one or two for the entire building. I still had my key to the building, though not to the apartment itself, so I was able to enter through the main door without Leah having to buzz me in. Once inside, I climbed up the stairs to the third floor-we had no elevator-and rang the doorbell.

Less than a minute later, Leah opened the door, a big smile on her face.

"Hi, honey! How are you doing?" she asked, wrapping me in a bear hug.

I found myself smiling widely, hugging her back, enjoying my sister's familiar smell and her warmth.

She always made me feel like I was at home when I was with her.

"Oh, pretty good," I said, once we had separated. "How are you doing?"

She gently guided me into the living room, and we sat down next to each other on the couch. I leaned back a little, enjoying its comfort and support.

"Everything's going well here. We've been looking at open houses in our price range at least once a week, but we haven't found a good realtor yet," she told me, still smiling. "Work okay?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, same old. Not exactly fun, but it's a job."

"They're still treating you okay? No bullies, or, well, anything like that?"

A few weeks after I'd been hired, I found out that some manager had been "let go" due to sexual harassment. I didn't know if they'd just found out about it, or if he'd been preying on women at the store. Since some of the workers were teenagers, there was the possibility of statutory rape, so management let him go immediately. I didn't know any of this firsthand, and I'd never met him. But I'd heard the details through the grapevine, even some from Jill on breaks. Afterwards, they instituted a bunch of mandatory training and a zero tolerance policy. No one else had been let go.

Leah had known all of this. Once I had a good idea about what had happened, I'd asked her if she thought I should leave. She'd said no, not if he'd been fired and he hadn't hurt me. So, I stayed, and there were no other problems.

There are probably some anti-Yeerk people reading this who would make a snarky comment that my exposure to The Sharing through my workplace was even worse than being sexually assaulted. Had I been involuntary, I might be tempted to agree. But it's not like I learned about The Sharing through a workplace program, just from talk from a fellow coworker. And if you're going to extend whatever blame there is that far, you might as well place a ban on all talk at work that has nothing to do with the job at hand.

Really, I suppose that even going so far as to ask someone how they're doing would be grounds for immediate dismissal.

I nodded. "We get along. If there's a popularity clique, I'm not a part of it, but none of my coworkers are unfriendly or rude to me."

Leah laughed a little at that. "I'm the same way in my law firm. There's definitely a clique of women there, and I'm not a part of it. They have lunches together, go to each other's homes, that kind of thing. I'd rather focus on my job."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mark enter the room. "Rachel! Great to see you," he greeted, walking towards me, smiling kindly.

I stood up and we hugged, briefly, before we all sat down in the living room. Since Leah and I had "claimed" the sofa, he took a seat in a comfortable chair across the table from us.

"How's everything going?" my brother in law asked me.

Before I could respond, Leah spoke up. "You'd know the answer if you were here when she rang the bell, honey," she said, but her smile was genuine and showed that she was just teasing him.

He raised his arms in mock surrender. "You know my Rick."

(His boss,) I told Hallit, sensing her confusion. (He's the head of the IT department.)

I made a face. "He calls you during the weekends?"

"Only if there's an emergency. Or rather, what he considers to be an emergency. I suppose that I'm lucky I'm not officially scheduled for a Saturday evening shift when he's working."

Like many department heads, at least from what Mark told me, Rick didn't know much about how to handle the job, and compensated by delegating all major assignments to the people who were his subordinates.

"It's fixed, now?" Leah asked.

"It is," he confirmed. "And, now, what have you been up to since we last saw you, Rachel?"

Given that Mark was three years older than Leah, he was ten years my senior. He never spoke down to me on purpose, I knew, but there was a gap all the same. Maybe it was a generational thing.

I shrugged. "Mostly work, but it's going okay."

"What about The Sharing group?" Leah asked me.

I had told her about that? I must have!

Fortunately, Hallit took over before I could say something stupid.

"It's good. I have a meeting tomorrow night. They're fun, but, you know, they tend to meet a lot."

(Thank you thank you thank you,) I told my Yeerk.

She gave me a mental nod. (You're welcome. Should I continue, or do you want to...?)

Hallit knew my answer, but I was glad that she took the time to ask me. (Stay in control, for now. Please.)

"Did you end up becoming a-what's it called again?-a permanent member?"

"You mean a full member?" Hallit asked. "Yeah, I did that last week. It's pretty cool."

Before I could react, Hallit took me, (I had to say the last part. Otherwise, she'd ask why you don't just leave. But don't worry. I'm not going to try to recruit her.)

(Okay.)

Even though Hallit had full control, I felt like I was going to be sick if this conversation went on for much longer.

Leah was nodding. "I have a few coworkers who are full members. They've tried to get me to join, but there's never any time. Besides, they sound a little cultish when they promote it. Like the organization is going to solve all of the world's problems."

"Most social justice groups have that idea," Mark intervened. "Is The Sharing one of those?"

Hallit shrugged. "I mean, we try to include everyone and do community service and stuff, but it's not politically affiliated or anything like that. We mostly just try to reach out to the community. Help people and all that. But it's not like we're the only ones doing that. I mean, Leah, you probably spend more time helping this county with your job than The Sharing does."

Leah's focus, at least currently, was criminal prosecution.

"I'm glad you're getting involved, Rachel. I'm happy you found this group."

"Well," Hallit joked, "don't tell your coworkers that your sister just joined. If you think they're bugging you to join now, that's nothing. You'll never hear the end of it!"

Mark chuckled. "You're sure they're not political activists? Because it sure sounds like it."

Hallit laughed. "Maybe some of the members, but not the group as a whole."

Suddenly, the oven began beeping, and Leah stood up. "That would be our dinner."

With that, we headed to the kitchen, and the topic turned to how good the food smelled.

(Hallit? I think I can handle control now. I mean, if you don't mind?)

(Not at all,) she reassured me. (But I'm here in case you need any assistance.)

Fortunately, the topic of The Sharing-and its possible connections to any cult and/or political group-seemed to have run its course. We spent a few minutes admiring Leah's cooking, and her urging me to take home any leftovers, because she was sure I was starting to lose weight. I wasn't, but Leah had always been nurturing towards me, and after I finally moved out, one of the ways she'd expressed that was with food.

I could cook okay, as long as it wasn't complicated. Leah, though, was one of those people who created an amazing meal with hardly any effort. Even on the first attempt.

Growing up, we didn't speak much at the dinner table. My mother, who also made all of our food, said that she wanted it to be as silent as possible, so we could focus on our digestion. Looking back, it was probably her way of ensuring that we didn't complain about not liking something.

It was something that changed when I went to live with Leah. Not that we were total chatterboxes and let the food get cold, but talking during our meals together was as normal as eating meals together. Well, at least our dinners together.

Mark's presence hadn't changed this. At least, not when I went to have dinner with them once a week. If they were quiet when they ate on their own, I didn't know. But we definitely had a healthy level of conversation when I was around.

Right before Leah served dessert, she and Mark exchanged a look, and then she nodded.

"Rachel?" she asked me.

"Yes?"

"You probably know that Mark and I are looking to buy a house. Something with more room for kids."

I nodded. "You haven't found anything, yet, you said."

"Not as far as houses go. But I did find out, yesterday, that I'm pregnant."

I jumped up from my chair and hugged her, then Mark. "That's great!"

She was nodding, smiling, and a little tearful all at the same time. "We'd been trying since the honeymoon, but now..."

"How far along are you?"

"Ten weeks," she told me. "And to answer your next question, we're going to find out the sex. Probably after the first trimester."

I was grinning. "Any ideas for names?"

"No ideas for boys, but for a little girl? I've always liked the name Molly. Or maybe Sally."

"Molly sounds like a sweet name," I told her. I thought that Sally sounded a little old fashioned, but I wasn't about to say that in case it ended up being what Leah chose. "Are you going to decide right after you find the sex?"

Mark shrugged. "It's a big decision. We might end up changing our mind right until the last minute. Any suggestions?"

"Not off the top of my head," I admitted.

For obvious reasons, I'd never given serious thought to what I'd name a kid.

It was funny. Before The Sharing, receiving this news would have hurt something awful. Reminded me that Leah had another life now, and even though she loved me, I was just a small part of it. But now? I had Hallit, and the news that Leah was going to give birth meant that she was even less likely to be pressured to join The Sharing. Plus, it meant I was going to be an aunt. Whatever I would have seen as negative now didn't seem nearly as bad.

Best of all, I wouldn't have to worry about my sister as an involuntary Controller. Especially if her Yeerk wasn't nearly as kind of Hallit.

(It's a good thing all around,) Hallit told me, giving me a mental smile of her own. (And I'm glad that I can be here. For you.)

(Me too,) I told her, meaning it.


	10. Chapter 10

"Rachel? I need to see you in my office when you have a minute."

"I'll be right there."

Hallit was nervous, I could tell. So was I. Being called into a manager's office was rarely a good thing. Especially so soon after we had arrived at work.

It was Monday, three weeks after our first dinner with Leah and Mark. The Sharing hadn't come up since the first night. Leah didn't look any more pregnant than she had when I had first seen her, but I wasn't sure when people really started to show. Especially people like her, who were naturally slim. Still, with each dinner, she seemed to be happier about how it was progressing. So far, she'd told me, she hadn't had any morning sickness, or any other negative side affects. Maybe, it was too early for that, or maybe she was one of the lucky ones who didn't suffer from that. In any event, she was happy, and I was, too.

Hallit and Sorren hadn't talked very much since the first meeting. Not that either of them went out of their way to avoid each other. Perhaps, Sorren was busy recruiting other hosts. Maybe, Jill's responsibilities kept her busy. Whatever the reason, we had exchanged pleasantries and the occasional work related talk, but very little regarding the Yeerk aspect of our world.

My first reaction, upon hearing Sorren's request, was fear that I-or, rather, Hallit acting as me, since she had control for most of the work day-had done something wrong. Neither of us could figure out what it was, though. We hadn't been the recipient of any customer complaints, directly or indirectly. Not that we spent a ton of time at checkout or in customer service, but we had been in each station for a couple of hours in the past week.

(It's probably nothing,) Hallit reassured me, but as she didn't sound very confident, she couldn't expect me to be.

(What if we get fired?) I asked. Well, practically wailed.

(Then, we'll get another job from The Sharing. Numerous Yeerks own businesses and can hire from their own,) she responded, immediately. (That is, of course, if we can't get another job on our own.)

(You don't want to work for Yeerks full time?) I guessed.

She gave me a mental shrug. (The pay can be better, but they tend to be higher up. More requirements, less autonomy. Not that we can be selective, if it comes down to that. Which it hasn't,) Hallit added, firmly. (It could be nothing. Or something minor. Perhaps, even, a promotion.)

I inwardly rolled my eyes at her.

(It happens,) Hallit informed me. (Granted, Jill isn't in charge of that entirely, but I would hardly be surprised to see a pay increase in your future.)

(As we work just above minimum wage, it would be difficult to make less,) I pointed out.

(True enough.)

Not that this was anything but my fault. Had I worked harder in high school, my grades might have been better. My parents might have paid for me to go to college. I still could have lived with Jill. On campus housing was pricy. And I'd be finishing my junior year instead of working retail.

(You worked as hard as you could, given the circumstances,) Hallit reminded me, gently. (Moreover, your parents outright forbidding you to work outside of school had an effect on what you were able to do when you moved out.)

(Maybe. I could have tried going around their back. Even a few hours a week,) I mused.

(Rachel. They would have caught you, taken your funds, and punished you severely.) Her voice was no less kind in tone, but the truth hurt. (You escaped as soon as you were an adult, and thankfully, you had a sister who could take you in. You did nothing wrong-in fact, you did everything right. You had to survive your childhood, and you did. You are much stronger than any other host I have had.)

(Thank you,) I said, quietly.

We stood outside of Jill's office, the door open slightly. Hallit had already dropped my purse off in my locker, and put the work shirt on over my regular one.

(Here goes nothing,) she said, knocking gently on the door.

"Come in," came Jill/Sorren.

Hallit entered the room, and saw Jill/Sorren reading over some timesheets.

"Oh, good, it's you. Close the door behind you, would you?" she said, smiling at us.

Hallit obeyed, and Sorren nodded at us. "Have a seat."

Hallit obeyed, again, and waited for Sorren to speak.

(As we're peers, it wouldn't be entirely necessary for one of us to say, "May the Kandrona shine upon you", but as this may not be related to the Yeerks, and she's certainly not my superior, I will not say anything until she speaks.)

I followed Hallit's logic, and gave a mental nod.

I noticed, now, that her hold on me was stronger than normal. Usually, while we were working, she retained complete control over my body, but allowed me to experience things as well as I would have had she not been there-or, had she been using gentle control. Gentle control, as I have said in previous chapters, is when a Yeerk is operating the body, but not asserting their will over their host's. In this case, a host is freely able to move or speak-without fighting for control-but they are not the ones doing so automatically. They intervene in order to operate their body in this "setting", but it's no hassle or burden for them. When I was not at work or at the Yeerk Pool, Hallit often held her control over me in this way.

Now, though, I realized that my senses were dimmer than usual. Not that I couldn't see or hear. Rather, that I was watching from afar, disconnected from my body. If I had been feeling hungry, for example, I would hardly have felt it, but I certainly would have been aware that Hallit felt it. The same would be true if I were eating something, or in any kind of pain. My body no longer felt like it belonged to me.

This was the way most Yeerks held onto their involuntary hosts, I imagined. To prevent them from rebelling. To reduce access to the sensations of the body, first, and so their hold on their host would feel even tighter.

But I had not rebelled, nor done anything to provoke Hallit...

(Hallit, why...?) I began.

I felt her grip on my loosen. Not to the extent that I could move on my own-it would not have been appropriate, being in the presence of another human Controller-but so that I felt that my body was mine again.

(Sorry,) she apologized, and I could feel that she meant it. (Nerves. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, Rachel.)

I laughed, mentally. (No problem.)

Sorren moved the timesheets to the side of her desk, and glanced at me/Hallit.

"I have a favor to ask of you, Hallit," she said. "I apologize for summoning you to my office like this. My host is well aware that in the culture of this company, doing so is nearly always cause for distress. If we have caused you or your host any unease, please know that it was unintentional, and we regret doing so."

Hallit nodded my head. "May I ask the need for this, then?"

Jill-well, Sorren-laughed. "It would make more sense for you to request to know the favor, Hallit."

It was Hallit's turn to laugh. "Very well. What is the favor?"

"For you to remain at work until 7:00 tonight, instead of 5:00, and to come with me to the Pool afterwards to feed. You were intending, I believe, to feed after work today?"

Hallit nodded. "Yes, that was my intent. Waiting an extra two hours would not be overly arduous, but I would like to know the reasoning for such a request."

It startled me, a little, to hear Hallit speak so bluntly to my boss. But, of course, this was not me speaking to Jill, but Hallit speaking to a fellow Yeerk, as a peer.

(Yes. A peer, Rachel,) she reminded me. (I owe her nothing. There is no reason to deny her this request, logically speaking, but it will move me from going without rays from 62.5 hours to very nearly 65. I will be more than a little hungry at this point. Not starving, of course, but if I am going to make this sacrifice, I have cause to know why. From a peer, of course. Were she a sub-Visser, she would only be asking as a formality.)

I gave a mental nod. (I take it that changing your schedule for her benefit isn't exactly a small favor, either.)

(Indeed, not. On the other hand, doing so would place her in my debt. Not a very large debt, but she will owe me. That can be beneficial to both of us.)

Sorren nodded, as though expecting this. "As you know, my host is cooperative. Voluntary, really. It took her a little while to adjust to her new reality, as she refers to it, but she has come to appreciate my presence in her mind and not mind my access to her body." Sorren paused. "However, she is a human, and humans are known to feel guilt. Both over what they have done, what they have not done, and what they may have contributed towards doing indirectly, and place the blame at them, whether this is logical or not."

"Your host blames herself for Rachel becoming involved in The Sharing, and therefore, becoming my host?" Hallit guessed.

I could detect her amusement.

Sorren cleared her throat. "She's aware that Rachel is voluntary, but wishes to speak with her directly about it. As neither of us are reckless enough to leave our host bodies in order for this to be accomplished-" and here, Hallit nodded-"the other method of accomplishing this is for us to share a feeding schedule. Or, at least, to feed at the same time at least once. In this way, she can communicate directly with your host."

(You know,) Hallit mused, (if you disliked her at all, I could respond with a snarky reply such as, "What makes you think that my host wants to spend any time with yours?")

(Aww, Hallit, that's sweet,) I said, laughing. (But it's fine. I'm willing to take with Jill. Not that there will be a lot to say, really. Just to confirm that I'm voluntary.)

(Hmm,) Hallit considered. (Perhaps. Jill may wish to befriend you.)

I gave a mental shrug. I'd spoken to some other voluntary hosts during Hallit's feedings, and they were decent enough. I didn't think any of them would become close friends, though.

Not like Hallit. Or Leah.

Hallit shrugged. "As I have said, waiting the extra couple of hours will not be tremendously painful, although it will lengthen my time without Kandrona rays from my expected 62.5 hours to closer to 65. That being said, as your host seems to be quite the persistent creature and my host is not opposed to communicating with her, I am willing to grant this request."

I noticed that Hallit had specified that it was "this request". It meant, I realized, that Hallit and Sorren would feed together once, allowing myself and Jill to talk for a couple of hours. It did not incite a promise that they would remain on the same feeding schedule for the sake of Jill.

Of course, it didn't deny the possibility, either.

Sorren smiled, and looked visibly relieved. "For the sake of my host and my sanity, I thank you. As does she. I imagine that you already know this, but she insisted that I relay this information to you."

Hallit rolled my eyes. "Yes, the message was quite clear without your host's insistence. Odd creatures, these humans."

"Well, they are the only voluntary ones that do not struggle with eternal hunger, or extreme stupidly. Without stooping to host sympathy charges, I can admit that I prefer my Jill to my previous ones. Even if she has a tendency to nag."

"Careful that you don't let her get away with it too often," Hallit cautioned. "A voluntary host is all very well, but they must remember that they do not have the final word in your decisions."

(Except,) Hallit added, rather impishly, (when it comes to dessert foods.)

Sorren nodded. "She already knows that this is a great favor to ask, both of myself, and of you. She is very grateful that we were willing to oblige her in this way, and that it will not be a recurring event."

I flinched inwardly, even though I knew that Sorren was not my Yeerk.

(Oh, don't worry,) Hallit reassured me. (Sometimes, Yeerks like her act a little callous when they acquiesce to their host. Or believe that they are doing so. I imagine that Sorren is quite the softie with Jill. Especially since, by reading between the lines, she was not entirely voluntary to start out with.)

(And you?) I asked. (Are you a "softie"?)

Hallit shrugged. (We work well enough together, and I know you well enough that you want the best for me, and I for you. We're certainly companions.)

I smiled inwardly at her. (You can say it to me, Hallit. I'm your friend. I mean, I feel the same way.)

(All right,) she allowed. (Just, don't go blurting it around the Yeerk Pool. I have responsibilities to the empire, after all.)

I understood, and extended my mind to give her a mental hug. Which she eagerly returned.


	11. Chapter 11

While Hallit worked that day, she prepared me for what I should say when I met Jill.

(I don't know what Sorren is like to Jill,) Hallit told me, (so, we need to be careful that nothing you say could be interpreted as host sympathy.)

(Host sympathy?) I echoed.

Hallit sighed, a little. (Letting our hosts control us, and not the other way around. Allowing them to manipulate us into not serving the empire.)

(Have I done any of that?) I asked, even more confused.

Hallit shook my head, then glanced around to make sure that no one had seen her. (No. We have an understanding, because you're voluntary. Cooperative.)

(Okay, but so's Jill,) I pointed out.

(As far as we know,) Hallit reminded me. (I got the distinct impression from Sorren that she was either involuntary to begin with and became voluntary later on, or at least, had mixed feelings about being a Controller. It even sounds...) Hallit paused.

I didn't say anything then, even though I certainly wanted to. But there was no point. Hallit knew that I wanted to know, and if she was going to leave her sentence unfinished, she must have a good reason for it.

To my surprise, Hallit continued. (It sounds a little like Jill is attempting to bargain with Sorren. I could be misreading the situation, but it's possible that her status as a voluntary host might be dependent upon her Yeerk allowing her to speak with you.) She gave a mental shrug. (Mere speculation on my part.)

(She's already a Controller, and Sorren seems decent. Why fight, when it's not like going without a Yeerk is an option? She'd just end up in the cages.)

Hallit laughed, a little harshly. (It does make sense to obey, doesn't it? However, not all humans are voluntary, and I speak from personal experience when I say that even treating them well is not always enough to change their mind. You humans...when you're determined to fight, there's little that can be done to deter you.)

(Sometimes, fighting gives us the strength to keep living,) I said, quietly.

She, of course, knew what I meant.

(Well, now...that's a completely different kind of fighting, Rachel,) she murmured, reaching out with her mind to mine in a hug.

I returned it, automatically, always glad for my Yeerk's comfort.

(If you were human, you'd probably be one of those people who could get away with hugging me,) I told her, smiling mentally.

Aside from Leah, I wasn't too fond of being touched. Even Mark's hugs had taken some getting used to, but both he and Leah knew this and understood. Hadn't pushed the whole idea of "family norms" over my personal comfort. And I had pushed myself to accept his affection without flinching, and we ended up meeting somewhere in the middle.

I half expected Hallit to make a joke about this, or perhaps a comment about my childhood, but she said nothing for a minute. Simply kept hugging me with her mind.

When she did speak, it was a simple, (Thank you, Rachel.)

We "broke apart" from the hug at around the same time. For awhile, we were silent, her focus now on my job. Inventory, again. Finally, after she'd turned the page and I knew she wasn't distracted by numbers, I spoke up.

(So, about Jill, and what I say to her?)

(Yes,) Hallit affirmed. She paused, before saying, (I trust your instincts, Rachel. I would just caution you to...well, to be careful. If possible, don't say too much about me before she speaks. Listen, first, to what she says, and what she wants to hear. Of course, you will need to confirm that you're voluntary and that I am decent to you, but don't do into any unnecessary details.) Hallit paused again, then added, (On the other hand, if she speaks well about Sorren, I suppose you can reciprocate.)

(I don't want to lie to her.)

For the second time, Hallit visibly shook my head.

(No, you don't want to lie to her. Simply...stick to the basics. For example, you can tell her that you were voluntary from the start, and the two human Controllers gave you opportunities to ask questions about what the process involved. This is something that they sometimes do, but not always. You might hear from Jill that they did not tell her about Yeerks, or gave her a very brief version.)

I gave a mental nod. (That makes sense. Then, what should I say about you that won't risk getting you in trouble?)

(Hmm. It's safe to say say that I'm cordial to you.) Hallit told me.

I rolled my eyes. Literally. (You're better than cordial, Hallit.)

She gave me a mental smile. (Thank you. However, I'd rather not get sentenced to Kandrona starvation for being too friendly with my host, so, out of the two options, I'd rather have Jill believe that you simply think I'm tolerable.)

(I got that,) I allowed, (but...if Jill feels guilty that she got me involved with The Sharing, and thinks I'm just trying to make the best of being the captive of a Yeerk, she's probably going to want to hear more than you're tolerable.)

Hallit sighed. (True enough. Keep in mind, though, that whatever she hears, Sorren will hear, once she's back in Jill's head. Moreover, if Jill or you ever get reassigned, your future Yeerks will know, as well.)

(Should I be worried about getting another Yeerk, Hallit?) I asked, quietly.

Meaning, of course, of being reassigned to a less caring Yeerk. Even a cruel one. I knew that it happened, even to voluntary hosts. It was rare, and often corrected by the sub-vissers. And, not only thinking of my own situation, but of Hallit, I imagined her getting accused of host sympathy, were she to be reassigned. Of my future Yeerk reporting to some higher up that Hallit had been treating me too well all this time.

(Not unless I get promoted, and as I've only had you for a few weeks, that would be the fastest promotion in Yeerk history.)

I sighed. (Okay, fine. In a year, or so. When you've outgrown me, or if the empire just wants to switch things up. What are the odds of me getting a Yeerk who's...you know.)

(We've been through this,) Hallit reminded me. (Very, very low. Granted, you might not get a Yeerk who enjoys communicating with their host to the extent that I do, but you are unlikely to receive a cruel one. That is, of course, if I get reassigned, which is unlikely.)

This made me feel a little better. Then again...

(If that's the case, why are we worried? If you end up staying with me, and Jill stays with Sorren...)

(There's always cause for concern as far as the empire is involved,) Hallit explained, patiently. (At the same there, there's no official list of what is and isn't appropriate treatment for a voluntary host, and nothing that I have done so far is even remotely wrong. I suppose someone might say that reassuring you that your sister was unlikely to be taken because she was attempting to become pregnant was toeing the line, but it was also true. We don't like to take pregnant hosts, if we can help it. Moreover, Leah is pregnant now, and has no desire to join The Sharing. Thanks, most likely, to some overenthusiastic Yeerks at her law firm. As for allowing you control, that's hardly forbidden, especially in private. No, Rachel, my actions have been entirely consistent with my role in the empire. Anyone who infests you later would see this.)

I was beginning to understand what Hallit meant. (But what I say, taken out of context...)

(Yes. It could be cause for concern, if the Yeerk hearing this is particularly diligent,) Hallit confirmed. (Most are not, because few Yeerks are entirely "innocent" of this, and bringing too much attention to other Yeerks and their hosts is a surefire way of having the higher ups examine your own behavior. Those, often, are the ones with the most to hide.)

(Very political,) I observed.

(Oh, yes. But that's how those who want it receive power, and often retain it.)

(Probably works that way for us humans, too.)

Hallit didn't disagree.

My ten hour work day didn't entitle me to an extra break, so Hallit simply waited until after 4:00 before eating my meal. Given that we normally ate around 1:00, we were practically starving by the time we sat down to eat.

(We could have split it up,) I noted, as she devoured my sandwich. (You know, like an apple and a yogurt at 1:00, and then leave the sandwich until now.)

(I considered that, but we would still be hungry afterwards. Better to "power through", to borrow a human term.)

Fair enough. (Is Yeerk hunger like that?) I asked, as she now (more slowly) ate the yogurt we had packed.

Hallit swallowed a spoonful of the blueberry yogurt, taking a moment to think about it (as well as enjoy the flavors).

(We don't have stomachs, so they don't growl, but pain sets in if we don't feed when we start to feel hungry. That's at about sixty hours. Like humans, we feel weak if we prolong the feeding. We don't usually lose consciousness, though.)

I could recall a few times when I'd passed out from hunger.

Answering my unasked question, Hallit said, (Lack of control doesn't come until the end. It's not very difficult for us to retain control of our host body, as I understand, even in the final stages of Kandrona starvation. Besides, by that point, the pain is supposed to be so great that the senses of the host body may exist as a type of distraction. Not that I know any of this firsthand.)

(You won't be anywhere near that tonight, though?)

Hallit shook my head. (Even now, I'm only just beginning to feel the beginnings of hunger, and I would be preparing to leave, and feed right afterwards, in less than an hour, had Sorren not asked me to remain. The pangs will increase at exactly sixty hours, and it will certainly be less than pleasant, but far from unbearable.)

(The first time you fed when you had me...how bad was that?)

Hallit grimmaced. (Roughly two hours before the fugue would have set in. Painful, Rachel. I wouldn't lie to you about that. Granted, I only remember it somewhat now. Our bodies do not recall pain to the extent that human ones do. It's only our memories.)

(So, you don't scar or anything?)

(Not permanently. I suppose that you could do considerable damage by exposing us to extreme heat, but the Kandrona rays are medicinal as well as food and drink. It might take longer to recuperate under dire physical conditions, I imagine, but no Yeerk who was still living and given over to a viable Yeerk Pool did not recover completely. So, no, our physical bodies do not scar physically,) Hallit explained.

This brought another question to my mind. (Are there any differences in how you guys look? I know you don't have male or female...you know...parts.)

The last part would have made me blush, had I been in control.

Hallit laughed a little at this. (We only see the faintest images of each other while in the pool, using sonar. Outside of the pool, our interaction with Yeerk bodies is fairly limited. Even those who oversee infestation don't do a side by side comparison with other Yeerks. However, I would say that we are all roughly six inches long. There is some small physical variation. Although I have never been measured with a human ruler, I would guess that I am less than six inches, because it takes me approximately twenty more seconds to infest my host completely than the average Yeerk. Fortunately for me, there is no quota for how long infestation must take.) She paused before adding, (I imagine that there may be variation on what you would call "thickness", which could also prolong or shorten the amount of time it takes a Yeerk to infest their host.)

(You don't have genders, so how do you reproduce? Is it asexually?) I asked, recalling a science class in which I had learned that some single celled organisms did just that.

(No, in three's. We join together to create a large Yeerk, and then smaller Yeerks form from this "body". Usually, at least a hundred. The original Yeerks die in the process, so the grubs-as we call newborn Yeerks-do not know their parents, but have very close relationships with their siblings.)

(Do the other Yeerks have a role in...raising them?) I queried.

Hallit nodded, mentally. (Yes, they tell the grubs about the empire and the war with the Andalites and their importance in preserving their race, and reclaiming our home planet,) she told me. (A Yeerk is able to infest their first host after reaching approximately 1.5 Earth years. In the meantime, they listen, they absorb the teachings and our mythology, and they enhance their instincts. Swimming effectively, the use of sonar, speaking our language, that sort of thing.)

(Your own language? I thought you used Galard.)

(While in our hosts, yes. Well, in some hosts. For humans, it's better to speak English,) Hallit explained. (In the pool, though, we mostly communicate by clicks and squeaks. I believe they used that on the home world with the Gedds, but Galard is much easier on our hosts' voices.)

She finished our lunch, and glanced at the clock in the break room. (Back to work.)

I always found the last hour of my shift to go the slowest, and today was no exception. At least, with Hallit, I had someone to talk to. Also, I could daydream without worrying about the quality of my work being affected. A lot of what I did was rote, not requiring much skill beyond the initial training. Still, you had to pay attention to the folding, or putting items away, or else you'd undoubtedly make a mistake and have to go back and fix it—or else, risk being reprimanded.

(Your intelligence is beyond this,) Hallit told me, (and mine certainly is.)

I smiled inwardly at the compliment, as well as the (very valid) complaint about Hallit's intelligence being underutilized.

(You could talk to Sorren about it in the Yeerk Pool. Say you want a promotion,) I suggested.

After all, Jill was my boss, but Sorren was only a peer of Hallit's.

(Perhaps,) she considered. (Of course, if Sorren were the type, she might maneuver to have me reassigned to another human. The last two before you were involuntary, and I will take a nice voluntary human over someone whose greatest desire is my evacuation from their head in pain.)

(In pain?) I echoed. (You mean, Kandrona starvation?)

Hallit laughed a little at that. (Well, I was referring to a fantasy that a female host had in which the level and pitch of her voice would spur me into leaving her mind completely, but were that to fail, my leaving her head after having succumbed to Kandrona starvation would be a pleasant alternative.)

I shuddered. (Jerk.)

She shrugged. (Until I was assigned to you, I believed that the only true voluntary hosts were Taxxons. They want us there because they don't feel the hunger as acutely, and when we're gone, they can gorge themselves on fresh meat. And my host certainly fit into that description. All the same, I don't miss the hunger.)

(You'd rather have a human who wants you dead?)

(Rachel, the hunger a Taxxon suffers can be enough for a Yeerk—that is, one who hasn't been prepared correctly—wish they were back in the Pool,) she chided. (Be very glad that any hunger you have faced, or would have faced, were you homeless after moving out of your parents' house, would seem like nothing in comparison.)

Had I been in control of my body, my face would have flushed red. It was the first time that Hallit had reprimanded me, and while I knew that she had cause, it still hurt.

(I'm sorry,) I told her.

I felt her mind reach out to mine, reassuringly. (That's all right.)

I wanted to ask more about the humans before me, but I didn't know what to say. Why would they hate having her in their heads? Was it something wrong with them, or maybe, was there something wrong with me, because I didn't mind? Because, even though I didn't love every aspect of being a host (the trips to the Yeerk Pool, for example, or the fear that Hallit would not always be my Yeerk), I certainly preferred it to my life after moving out of Leah's apartment.

Hallit, of course, knew my thoughts. Even the one I didn't direct at her.

(Humans, as I'm sure you know, are a varied species. Some, like yourself, have no complaints about a Yeerk living in their head. They choose to see the benefits that can be derived from such a situation. Others, like my two previous hosts, view it merely as an invasion. Their bodies do not belong to them exclusively, their memories can be viewed in their entirety by someone else, as well as their thoughts. While there are some Yeerks who are harsher with new humans than they need to be, and this certainly does not produce an effective partnership, some humans will remain involuntary regardless of how their Yeerk treats them,) Hallit explained. (Neither of my humans were first time hosts, and they had already made up their minds to hate me, and to fight me.)

(Were they…?)

(They weren't horribly mistreated by their previous Yeerk. Not by our standards. Their Yeerks gave them numerous opportunities to behave, even promising a reclassification to voluntary status. They didn't want it. And I certainly didn't abuse them—use their memories as punishment, for example. But they had made up their minds, and they both fought me.) She sighed. (I was glad to be reassigned to you.)

(Same here,) I told her.

I felt a little better, knowing that Hallit had been decent to her other humans, even though they clearly hadn't made life pleasant for her. And, based on what she said, it could have been a lot worse for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I had intended for Rachel and Jill to speak in person, at the Yeerk Pool, in this chapter. My characters, evidently, had other ideas. Hopefully, they will allow me to include this in the following chapter!
> 
> Please take a few minutes and submit a review.


	12. Chapter 12

Finally, it was 7:00 and time for us to leave for the Yeerk Pool. Hallit nearly raced down to the staff break room, where everyone clocked in and out. Not literally in the case of this company—we used paper timesheets, which had to be approved by a manager at the end of each pay period.

My working an extra two hours would place me as having worked above my quota, meaning I could either opt for overtime (my preference), to "bank" those hours for another pay period, or to simply work fewer hours in the next pay period. Given that I only made six dollars an hour* after two years at this job, I always opted for overtime.

Jill—well, Sorren—watched as Hallit filled out my hours and added up the total for the past pay period. Including today, we had worked ninety hours. Ten over the official full time limit, which seemed like a lot more than usual.

(That's because we took Sarah's shift last Thursday,) Hallit reminded me. (As well as the Tuesday before that.)

That was right. Sarah only worked four hours at a time, preferring to split up her days into split shifts whenever possible. She was an elderly woman, very kind to the customers and the rest of our staff, but she had a habit of needing to take off frequently. Fortunately for the managers, she never missed work if someone was unavailable to cover for her, but we could usually count on her to "give" us some of her hours.

Now that I thought about it, I was surprised that I had forgotten. We had worked twelve hours both of those days.

(I'm going to need to teach you how to sleep mentally,) she told me, now.

(You mean, without being able to sleep physically?)

(Yes. It's not very difficult, really. Many hosts are able to do it without instruction.) Hallit gave a mental shrug. (Not that it reflects on your intelligence, Rachel. You may simply need to be walked through it.)

I gave a mental nod. (I'd like that. I guess it helps you, too?)

(It does. To an extent. It means that you're not available to communicate with, as you're unconscious. But your body still works, and your brain certainly derives the benefit of sleep, so the longer days are not as taxing. It's something worth learning. Not tonight, of course, as there's no need. But perhaps tomorrow.)

I gave another mental nod, and turned my attention back to the conversation.

"Sarah had to take off again?" Sorren was saying as she signed and initialed my timesheet.

Hallit nodded. "Yes, again. Tuesday and Thursday of last week."

We grabbed our things and headed out the door. Once the store was behind us, Hallit asked the question that had been on my mind for awhile.

"Why do you allow her to miss so many hours?"

Sorren shrugged. "She's been here for over twenty years. Makes more than most of the other staff. It's actually cheaper for us to pay someone overtime when she can't make it. Besides, as I understand, her family relies on her as a babysitter."

Well, that made sense.

"My car's this way," she said, as we walked to the parking lot. It turned out to be a bright yellow van, as it was the only car remaining in the section reserved for managers.

Once we got in, Sorren dropped the "Jill" persona. I could tell, since it had happened twice before. Not that it felt like anything deadly had entered the car, no evil persona radiating through the body of my boss. It just…changed. The act being dropped, I knew that it was no longer an alien acting as Jill, but as herself. Or itself, since Yeerks don't have genders.

Sorren started the car, and was quiet until the first red light.

"I appreciate your remaining late, Hallit," she told me—Hallit. "It means a great deal to my host to be able to communicate directly with yours."

Hallit nodded, and then rolled her eyes a little. "It is, of course, entirely unnecessary. Your host will learn, upon communicating with mine, that Rachel is voluntary and quite accustomed to her new life. However, if there's one thing that I've learned from the three humans I have controlled, it is that they prefer to learn the truth on their own, rather than have it be conveyed by another being."

Sorren shrugged. "She wants this feeding time to become, if not permanent, at least a regular occurrence. I do not know how this would affect your work duties."

Hallit took a moment before relying. It was clear that she didn't necessarily want me to feel like I had to share the same schedule as Jill, or be forced to have a friendship with her out of guilt. At the same time, she liked that my rather varied schedule gave her some leeway in her own feeding schedule. Hork-Bajir and Gedds, not having roles to fill in the human world, were expected to go at least sixty hours without feeding, and sometimes sixty-five or greater. They were expected to subsist on less. Humans, like me, had more leeway.

"We should see how her work hours and family obligations evolve. I would not wish to make such a promise only to need to revoke it half the time," Hallit replied. "Does this satisfy your host?"

Sorren gave a slight smirk. "She says that she's not going to say anything until she's spoken to Rachel."

Hallit snorted. "Rather uppity, for being the recipient of a favor on the part of two Yeerks." She paused before adding, "Not that I would say that's cause for discipline. I suppose she has a point."

"Your host doesn't strike me as the type to need discipline," Sorren observed. "Jill's memories show that she's rather quiet and very obedient. Agreeable, as well. I imagine she's like that when you're there?"

I flinched—mentally, of course—more at the idea of Yeerk discipline than Sorren's accurate description of me. Hallit had never punished me, because she had no reason to do so. Still, I knew that some Yeerks used their host's memories as a way of discipline when they got out of hand, and even hearing about it as an option was enough to make me want to hide in my mind.

(Shh, Rachel, it's all right,) Hallit soothed me.

Out loud, she said, "Oh, certainly. I've had two humans before Rachel, and both were involuntary. Rachel's lifestyle, however, is the most austere I've had to live with."

Sorren turned to Hallit, briefly, before turning back to the road. "Austere?"

Hallit rolled her eyes. "Come now, Sorren. We were speaking of it in a roundabout manner in the parking lot. I refer to what Rachel earns at this job. Six dollars an hour, before the human government seizes its share, is hardly a large sum of money. Even when Rachel works overtime, that is only three additional dollars an hour."

Had I been in control of my body, I just knew my face would have gone red. Tomato red.

(Hallit!) I practically yelled.

(Rachel.) I could feel her amusement. (I'm speaking as a Yeerk to Yeerk. Not Yeerk too human.)

(Fine,) I half grumbled. (Can't imagine what Jill's thinking, though.)

Hallit sent me an eye roll. (Besides. You're far too…good…to demand more money. But I know what you do. Moreover, both of my previous hosts would have paid at least twice for someone with your abilities and work ethic. Regardless of your lack of a college degree.)

I gave a mental shrug, then grinned. (Okay, you have a point there. And it sure got the topic off of mental torture.)

(Yes, that's an added benefit.)

Sorren was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if she was conversing with Jill.

"I'll see what I can do," she said. "There may be a way to incorporate Rachel's experience with The Sharing into negotiations with my host's higher ups." She smiled. "I believe that it's very probable that you will not need to live quite so…austerely…after the next pay period."

(You see?) Hallit told me, and she didn't sound nearly as smug as she could have.

(All right, you win,) I conceded, smiling mentally at her.

(Not simply me. However, best to wait until it's official before celebrating.)

I agreed with that assessment.

The Yeerk Pool was less crowded than the other times I had been there. I guessed fewer people could make it on a Monday night. Even though it wasn't quite 7:30, it would be past 10:00 by the time Hallit had finished feeding. At least, Sorren would drive us back. Not that the walk was very far, maybe fifteen minutes, but at nighttime, my neighborhood was definitely less safe than during the day.

I was glad, both for myself, but also for Hallit. She wouldn't have to wait nearly as long in line to feed. And I wouldn't have to see as many screaming humans and Hork-Bajir before heading to the mostly soundproof voluntary area.

A quick look around told me there were no kids tonight. Not many teenagers, either. Probably a handful of people who were old enough for college, but nothing that made me sick to my stomach.

(It's really quite rare that small children, or any children, become Controllers,) Hallit reassured me, hearing my unspoken thoughts. (Even though it does, unfortunately, still happen.)

I gave a mental nod, and was glad when she directed my head towards the line. Sorren and Jill were directly in front of us, and ahead of her were at least ten other people. Not too bad, really, since the line for Yeerks leaving their hosts always went faster than the one for them coming back.

Even for voluntary hosts, the process took less time for a Yeerk to leave the brain than enter it. I wasn't sure why.

(You humans are still too new of a species for us to know everything about, as far as the intricacies of your mind,) Hallit told me. (But since this trait is universal in all species fit for infestation, I believe that it takes longer to turn something on fully then turn it off.)

(Huh?) I would have blinked in confusion, had I had control of my eyes.

(Take the computer, for instance. You've used one a few times, at school. Remember how long it took them to start up in the morning? But it hardly took any time at all for them to shut down.)

(Okay, but my brain is still there whether you're connected or not…)

(Yes, but as I'm forming the connections, it's as though I need to reconnect to you, as a computer. I need to go through the process of turning everything on. Hands, check. Eyes, check. Legs, check. Voice, check. We've evolved so that it doesn't take very much time, individually, but it can't be done all at once. I cannot simply enter your mind and take control of your entire body at one time.)

(I can't completely understand it, Hallit, but I'm just glad you know what you're doing.)

She laughed. (I do. Don't worry.)

We moved forward in line. It was Sorren's turn. Despite knowing that Jill was cooperative/voluntary, I was almost dreading seeing her face change when Sorren left. As though she'd suddenly start screaming, even attempting to fight the guards, like I had seen so often before.

Of course, it didn't happen. Once Sorren dropped into the pool, Jill calmly stood up, and looked at me (well, Hallit) for a second.

"Move!" said one of the guards, extending an arm in her direction. "You are voluntary host, yes? Move!"

Hallit spoke up, abruptly. "She's my host's friend, Bolgit Seven-Three-Five. She's simply waiting for me to leave so that can walk to the voluntary area together." She shrugged. "It's a human female activity."

"Geush nia." Probably a statement of understanding, if not agreement. Maybe something like, "Okay, hurry up."

(Essentially, yes,) Hallit told me. (All right. Enjoy your time with her, but use discretion. See you in a couple of hours.)

(I will,) I promised. (See you soon.)

I felt control come back to me as Hallit left my head, along with a little emptiness as she left. After all, Hallit knew me better than anyone, and while she might not be able to admit it to me, she was my friend.

It's just for a couple of hours, I told myself, fighting the feeling of sadness. Even loss.

I stood up, smiling at the guard. "Thank you for allowing her to wait."

He gave an abrupt nod. "You will go to the voluntary area, now?"

I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic, or just confirming.

"We'll go to the voluntary area now," I confirmed.

He nodded again, and said something in either Hork-Bajir or Galard. Hallit had told me that Hork-Bajir tended to mix languages up, and even their Yeerks had to resist the temptation to do so.

I turned to Jill, who was watching me, carefully. I gave her a tentative smile, and then we headed to the voluntary area.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes:
> 
> #1: *In the beginning of March of 1997, the California minimum wage was $5.00 an hour, but had jumped to $5.75 by the following year. Book 29 takes place around 1998, but this chapter takes place around 1996, when the minimum wage was $4.75. Good performance reviews and merit raises explain why Rachel made $6.00 an hour around this time. It may have been a full $1.25 above the state minimum wage, but it could hardly have been enough to make a decent living, even with a few overtime hours thrown in. As FFN does not allow links, a search for California minimum wage 1995 should take you to the appropriate source, should anyone be so inclined to check.
> 
> #2: I had intended this to be the chapter where Rachel and Jill talk directly. However, the chapter ended up being over 5000 words, and it's not even complete (but will be soon). So, rather than post a monster of a chapter, I'm splitting it up into two. I can PROMISE you that Jill and Rachel will communicate in the next one without their Yeerks.


	13. Chapter 13

Jill didn't say anything as we walked. Perhaps, this was because we were both walking quickly. Not too quick to be able to speak at the same time, of course, but our goal was the same. It was probably the same goal for every voluntary host. Reach the separated area where you can't hear the screams. They certainly faded as we approached the room, somewhat, but they wouldn't disappear entirely until we were safe in the voluntary area, with the door closed behind us.

I often wondered why the empire chose to have voluntary and involuntary hosts use the same route to feed. Couldn't voluntary humans just go into that area separately, and have our Yeerk leave our head, and a guard place them in the pool? Were they afraid the involuntary humans would strike out, try to kill some Yeerk as it was being transported?

Perhaps, it was to increase the friction between us. We both knew that the other group existed. We had no interaction with them in the pool area. It wasn't expressly forbidden for voluntary hosts to leave the voluntary area, but few wanted to. I could imagine what would happen were one of us to go to the cage area, and try to talk to one of the humans there. I couldn't imagine it would go well. Even with family members, there would be anger.

Cages, Hallit had told me, were a recent development in the Yeerk empire. They only began using them when humans had been discovered. The Gedds had been voluntary. Same with the Taxxons. The Hork-Bajir had mostly been limited to space ships, so any one that tried to hide would be found soon enough.

With the human invasion relying on secrecy, though, they had to be able to contain those who did not want their Yeerk returned to them.

I imagined that the ones who viewed infestation as a type of living death saw us as outright traitors. After the war, the term "collaborator" had been thrown around by some angry former involuntary humans. As though we had sought out the Yeerks, offered them our bodies and minds, thinking that they were the path to power.

The truth was, anyone who becomes a voluntary Controller is in the same initial position as those who become involuntary. They receive information about the Yeerks. It could range from barely enough to consent to, as in my case, close to the entire picture. If they said no, they would be infested, probably with a Yeerk who was used to dealing with that kind of host. If they said yes, their Yeerk would probably be one who would treat them kindly. Give them control at times, if they wanted this. Become a friend to them.

The involuntary humans may have thought that people like me were traitors to humanity, but the reality was that the end result would be the same. Body and mind takeover by the Yeerk chosen at the moment for us. Why not cooperate if there was the likelihood of better treatment? No amount of rebelling could truly result in anything less than a mind worn out more quickly, even if the host happened to gain control for a few seconds. Why not take your risk and agree, when you know that you really have no say in the matter, and the outcome will be the same?

Anyway, Jill and I arrived at the area containing our fellow voluntary hosts at around the same time, but I reached the door first and held it open for her.

"Thank you."

"No problem," I told her, closing the door behind us.

Jill let out a sigh of relief. "I don't really blame them for yelling, but it's a relief not to hear them." I couldn't think of anything else to say at the moment, so Jill continued. "Are you hungry? I thought we should stop somewhere for dinner beforehand, but Sorren said there's always food here, and that even the drive thru can take some time."

I nodded. "I'm a little hungry, even though we ate on the late side. Let's see what's on the table?"

Jill smiled at me, encouragingly. "After you."

Several other people were at the long table, as well as two Hork-Bajir, but it was far from crowded. I selected a paper plate and loaded it with fruit, some veggies, a few crackers, and what looked like a turkey sandwich. Jill stood behind me, not rushing me as I made my selections, but usually choosing from around the same area.

A few minutes later, we were sitting at one of the smaller tables, on reasonably comfortable chairs. I preferred the softer ones near the TV, but couldn't dismiss the logic of sitting at a table while eating. Besides, it presented something like privacy, or at least a definitive separation from the others. Hallit's feedings hadn't been regular enough that I always met the same people, but there were familiar faces. Ruby, as it turned out, was one of them.

Jill smiled at her own plate, now. It looked twice as full as mine.

"I didn't even realize I was hungry until I saw all of the food," she told me, laughing a little. "Sorren had me take my lunch at 2."

I laughed. "Hallit pushed herself to wait until 4. I don't think either of us could have waited any longer."

"Want to take a few minutes and just eat?" Jill asked me.

"Sure."

It also gave me time to think about what to say. Not that I had been doing much of anything else since this morning. Hallit had, of course, advised me to listen more, at least at first. See what she was telling me, and asking me. Part of me wanted to just say that I was truly voluntary and that I was on decent terms with my Yeerk. That I gave her no reason to punish me, and I liked her company. I thought that all of this would be okay in the eyes of the empire, and it certainly was truthful. But, if I said this right away, she might wonder if Hallit had told me to say it. Had even threatened me. So, even though I knew that I wasn't going to make some kind of speech, I still stressed about what I would say, and at least this would be put off for a few more minutes.

Eating helped distract me, a little.

Finally, after at least half of our food had disappeared from our plates, I put my utensils down, and Jill did the same. She looked at me, and put her hand on top of the table, as though hoping I would take it. I didn't. I kept my hands in my lap, neatly. A habit that I had never been able to break from my upbringing.

"So...are you okay?" she asked me, softly.

I nodded, hoping my expression showed that I meant it. "Yeah. It was weird, at first. It still is. But, yeah, I'm fine."

Jill made a sympathetic sound. "It's definitely scary in the beginning. Terrifying, even. I mean-" She stopped talking for a minute, almost cutting herself off. "How much information did they give you when you agreed to become a full member?"

"Oh, they pretty much everything," I told her, hoping that I sounded casual about it. "There were two girls there, and they didn't seem too impatient with me when I asked them about infestation. And boy, did I have a lot of questions." I allowed myself a smile at the memory, then took a minute to study my boss. "What about you?"

She shifted in her chair, a little. "Well, they told me everything, as well. The whole thing about how The Sharing is a front for aliens and if I wanted to become a full member, they were going to put one in my head. It didn't seem possible-I was sure they weren't serious. It seemed like a prank. Like..." She frowned, searching for the word.

"Hazing?" I guessed.

Jill laughed, sounding rather self deprecating. "Exactly. It's sort of like when you want to join this exclusive group, and they put you through all of these ridiculous things, and if you survive and don't freak out, you're a member. Not that I have much experience with that, but my roommate in college-her boyfriend was in a fraternity. He probably told her more than he was allowed to, and she told me."

I chewed on my lip, a little. "You know, it never occurred to me that they weren't telling the truth. But, I've never been to college, so I didn't really know much about fraternities or sororities." I took a minute to take this information in, and wished that Hallit were here so I could ask her about it. "I wonder if a lot of people think it's a big joke and agree, only to find out it's not."

Jill shrugged, but I could tell by the way her eyes narrowed that she was trying not to think about that part. "I've never had to sit in on an infestation, except my own. I don't know how many Yeerks are called to do that. Sorren's never done it, and I hope it stays that way when I'm her host."

I nodded. "Same here. It would be hard for me to witness an infestation. Maybe a voluntary one wouldn't be too bad, but they could turn involuntary at the last minute."

Despite my personal experience, it had the potential to give me nightmares. Maybe I was a coward, especially since I was sitting there in the voluntary area, complicit with the Yeerk invasion. Then again, what good would fighting really do? Besides, I liked Hallit, and I didn't mind the lack of control, as long as she gave me control some of the time. And, of course, as long as she controlled me in a way that I could still feel my body.

There was no reason to rebel.

"When they put Hallit in your head, were you...all right?" Jill pressed. "You weren't freaking out, or anything?"

I shook my head. "I was prepared. It was weird, especially losing control, but I was trying really hard to stay calm."

Jill laughed. "I panicked. Or, at least, I wanted to, when Sorren began to take control, but my voice was the first to go, and my face the second. Only so much you can do with the rest of your body. They didn't bother holding me down, since she was already completely in my ear by then."

"Well," I admitted, figuring this part was safe enough to say, and besides, it was certainly true, "I was worried that I wouldn't be able to breathe, because I wouldn't have control over my lungs, but my Yeerk wouldn't have reached that part of me, either. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't die in that time frame, but I hate being out of breath, so just the idea of not being able to breathe for a few minutes...anyway, it didn't happen. Fortunately. So, I just sort of sat there, in the chair and in my head, until Hallit took over and we could speak. Mind to mind."

I didn't add that I started talking to my Yeerk before she had completely connected to me. Maybe it was me being overprotective, but since Hallit believed that she couldn't take control as quickly as other Yeerks, I certainly didn't want to point out something that she perceived as a potential weakness to the host of another Yeerk.

Besides, there was no reason to say anything about that.

"Sounds like you handled it well," Jill observed. "Me...well, like I said, I outright panicked when I lost control over my voice, and my face came about a second later. Up to the point when the sub-visser started to put the Yeerk in my head, I thought it was all a joke. And Sorren...it felt like she was taking control as soon as she released the painkiller." She shuddered a little. "Now I know what to expect, it's gotten easier."

"The infestation?" I asked.

She shrugged. "All of it. Sorren's not too bad, for a Yeerk. Granted, I spent the first day and a half fighting her for control. Well, attempting to fight. Fighting would require actually gaining control, and I didn't even manage to move a finger." Her face darkened a little. "So, yeah, I was not voluntary at the beginning. When I realized that physical fighting was out of the question, and it made me exhausted, I focused my attention on screaming at her. Swearing a lot, too." Jill laughed, a little sheepish.

"You're voluntary now," I noted. "What changed?"

Maybe, Jill was expecting me to ask, because I didn't see anything like surprise on her face.

"Partly, because I realized it wasn't going to do anything, except put me in the cages. I hadn't seen them yet, or the Yeerk Pool. Infestation usually occurs in a private room, according to Sorren. Way apart from the Yeerk Pool."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"Right. Anyway, after I...Sorren showed me the Yeerk Pool after I was worn out from fighting and screaming. She explained, pretty bluntly, where I would go if I kept it up. Then, she showed me where I'd be if I became voluntary. Not that this was a huge incentive, in itself," Jill clarified. "But Sorren also told me that if I cooperated, she could treat me with a lot more...leniency...than if I rebelled. She explained that I was already classified as voluntary, and she didn't want to have to have me labeled as involuntary. That if I cooperated, she would make things as bearable as she could." She looked around a little, then added, "Then, there's my family. I know that my kids are too little to be hosts right now, but in a few years? I mean, the empire isn't exactly out to infest kids, unless it's important. Their bodies are too underdeveloped, and involuntary infestation can't..." Jill shrugged. "I realized that if I rebelled too much, Sorren or another Yeerk could just have them taken to punish me. I wanted to keep them safe as long as possible. Now, as for John-he travels way too much for work. They'd need to make him quit his job, and that would draw suspicion, because he was a founder. So, really, he was fairly safe no matter what I did."

I knew that John was one of the main founders of a now wide stream technology company. He made a lot more than Jill, too.

"Maybe I was selling out," Jill concluded, "but it got a lot easier once I agreed to stop fighting Sorren. She gives me control-sometimes-and she's decent to talk to. She's never hurt me, mentally, even during the first day. I know that a lot of Yeerks would have tried more to get me to shut up. Looking back, Sorren was remarkably patient. Besides, if it weren't for the whole invasion thing, I might even be okay with her having in my head on my own. Well, some of the time," she amended. "Anyway, she gives me control some of the time, and that keeps it from being unbearable. It's only been a few weeks, too. They say that it takes most voluntary hosts at least a month to adapt."

It was clear that Jill had been through a lot more emotional turmoil than me. As well as blackmail...well, on the part of the empire, if not her Yeerk.

"It wasn't bad for me," I told her, feeling a little guilty, even though I knew that there was no reason for this. I felt my throat tighten. I wanted to say more, something about how Hallit and I were probably as close as Leah and I had once been-as we still were-but I didn't want to say anything that would make problems for her later. Even if she could convince the empire that the emotions were one-sided on my part, and I knew that she cared about me, some things were too risky to say.

"Hallit's decent to you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, she's fine. Besides, I like having her around. She's good company, and it's nice to have someone to talk to."

Jill seemed to relax at this, even though it couldn't exactly have been news. "I was glad. I hadn't told many people about The Sharing before becoming a full member. Mostly, just you and another girl, who wasn't interested. I thought it seemed like a good thing for you, since you said you had been lonely, lately. You rarely talked about your life. I guess I figured that since you normally didn't say much, the fact that you had said something really meant it. Anyway, I felt so guilty when I heard that you were a Controller now. Even though Hallit said that you were voluntary. There's a huge difference between the voluntary humans who want a Yeerk there, and ones who know it's that or the cages, and possible torture."

I shook my head. "It was a good thing for me. I definitely want Hallit there."

"And...your sister?" Jill pressed.

I exhaled. "It's unlikely, at least right now. She just got pregnant, so the Yeerks would have their hands full with that. Anyway, she's already a little weirded out by The Sharing because some of her coworkers are full members, and she thinks they're way too into it. Unless they take her by force, I don't think I need to worry about her becoming an involuntary Controller anytime soon."

Jill snickered at that. "Yeah, being pregnant pretty much disqualifies you. I've seen a few pregnant people at Sharing meetings, and they haven't been approached about becoming full members. I heard one ask about it-she's been going for almost three months-but she's not due for another six. The Yeerks just say that full membership takes a lot of time and energy, and she should wait until after her delivery before making that kind of commitment."

"By then, she'll probably more than have her hands full with the baby," I noted. "And I can't imagine the Yeerks want to deal with that."

"Probably not," Jill agreed. "Jackie and Jimmy are past bottle feeding and potty training, but barely. I think the Yeerks prefer males, single females, or women with kids that don't need a ton of care. You're the second, and I'm on the verge of the third."

"Hallit likes that I don't have much in the way of a family to take care of," I commented. "It makes it easier for her to maintain my cover, as well as feed."

"Except for when you work those twelve hour days?"

"Well, yeah," I admitted, looking down at my food.

I hoped that Jill wouldn't bring up the topic that Hallit had broached with Sorren. Maybe she sensed it, because she let that subject drop.

"I'm glad you're all right, Rachel," Jill took me, reaching for my hand over the table.

I let her take it, and she gave it a gentle squeeze. Despite not being good with the whole affection thing, I managed what I hoped was a genuine smile. Or at least, not a flinch.

"It's working out," I told her. "I'm happier, now."

A look crossed Jill's face, like maybe she was wondering how depressed I had been if giving my life over to a (friendly) alien made me happier, but she didn't say anything to contradict me.

"I'm glad," she repeated.

It wasn't too long before we heard our names via the Yeerk speakers. We stood up, disposed of our plates-we had both devoured all of the food we had taken-and headed towards the door.

"I hate this part," I confided. "But, at least it's not too busy tonight."

Jill managed a weak smile. "Sorren tries to feed either evenings or early mornings, when it's less busy. Worst time is the afternoon and early evening. Because of when students get out of school and the adults get out from work."

"I saw a few kids my first time here. It was during the free time during my split shift."

"Not surprised. Definitely feed in the evenings or the mornings, if you can. 'Course, if you want to share my feeding schedule, Sorren can make it work with your work one..."

"I'll ask her."

We were outside of the normalcy of the voluntary area, and the screams hit me full force. I managed a few deep breaths before heading back towards the pool. It wasn't that there were so many people there-they were just really loud. I caught Jill's eye, and she looked determined as we passed the cages.

The line for reinfestation was about as long as the prior one had been. Of course, that made sense, since Yeerks all take the same amount of time to feed. Still, it would probably take twice as long to get to Hallit, because at least half of the hosts in front of me were likely to be involuntary, and even in the best of circumstances, infestation took twice as long as a Yeerk leaving your head.

Right before it was Jill's turn, she turned around. "Talk again, soon?"

I nodded, then said, "Well, hopefully."

Jill smiled at me, then knelt before the pool without any prodding from the Hork-Bajir guards, and rose a few minutes later. Obediently, I put my head down and waited for Hallit to enter my ear.

I hoped that I had done everything right. That I hadn't said anything I would later regret.


	14. Chapter 14

It seemed to take ages for Hallit to make all of the connections to my mind, but it may have been because I was nervous. I didn't think that I had done or said anything that would endanger her, or that she would punish me if she told me that I had. Still. I wanted her to see everything, quickly, so I could know what she thought.

(Hello, Rachel,) she greeted, her tone warm and kind, as usual.

(Hi,) I replied, trying not to let my own fear show.

Not that it mattered. Hallit knew the reason for my unease, and instantly, I felt her hold on my mind turn from control to a mental hug. After a minute or do, during which she moved my body into an upright position and informed the guards that she had control, she spoke again.

(Rachel, I know that whatever you said, you meant me no harm.)

I gave a mental nod, slightly more relaxed, but still worried about the potential outcome of the last two hours.

(Would you rather I get this over with, as you say, so I can see everything that happened?) she asked me.

I gave another mental nod, and felt her open my memories.

Even though Hallit had never accessed any painful memories while I was awake, I always felt a slight sense of unease within myself when she opened my memory. The feeling was quick, and always passed within a second or so. Maybe, it would go away entirely over time.

Viewing the memories of the past couple of hours was not painful. It was as vivid as it had been when I had been there, up until about ten minutes ago. More vivid, most likely, than had I recalled them myself. Yeerks have better control over their host's memory than the host does. Something to do with being able to control the brain, while humans simply use it. Their power over our minds is far from absolute, but it's more than we will ever have on our own.

The events of the past two hours went through my head-and hers-within less than a few minutes. During this time, I was aware of Hallit walking with Jill and Sorren out of the pool area, the screams lessening in volume. I heard Sorren offer Hallit a ride to my apartment, and Hallit accepting. At the same time, at least half of Hallit's focus was on my memories, and nearly all of mine was, as well.

Once the memories stopped, I spoke up, nervously.

(Did I do all right, Hallit?)

I felt her smile warmly at me. (Yes, Rachel,) she told me. (You did well. Very well.)

I returned the smile, relief flooding through me. (I didn't know what to say to everything...) I told her. (I just tried to do what you said, and just listen, when I could.)

(Yes, I saw that,) Hallit observed, laughing a little. (You were quiet at times. Not overly so, which is good. You reacted when you should, and you convinced Jill that she had not been a part of your living a nightmare, which, I suspect, was the main reason that Sorren allowed her to communicate directly with you.)

Had I had control over my face, my brows would have wrinkled in confusion. (I'm hardly living a nightmare, Hallit.)

Surely she knew that I was happier since meeting her than I had been in the months beforehand.

She laughed a little. (Oh, simply my attempt at human humor. What I mean is, for all Jill knew, you were. Or, at least, were resigned to being controlled by a Yeerk, but blaming her and cursing her for having been a part of your "membership". As we know, that's not the case. Rachel,) she added, (I know that you are happier than you were before I came to live in your head. So, you were able to reassure her that any guilt that she might have felt upon hearing you were a host was misplaced. Not just convincingly, but truthfully.)

(I'm glad you're not angry...that I did what you wanted.)

Hallit pulled me into a long mental hug. (No, Rachel. I am very pleased with you...)

I noticed that she broke off her sentence suddenly, as though there was something else she wanted to add. An endearment, perhaps? But I didn't ask, for fear of evoking something that could later provide evidence of host sympathy.

Over the months, and years, that followed, I would come to translate what Hallit said and did not say into my mind into what she meant, but could not say during the reign of the Yeerk Empire. She could not, for instance, call me her friend, even though Hallit often commented that I was her best host. She never told me that she loved me-platonically, of course-or use any names resembling endearments. Yeerk or otherwise. Perhaps, had I had a Yeerk who was less concerned about the police state of the Yeerk Empire and the very real threat of an eventual reassignment to a less decent Yeerk, I might have noticed this. Even, possibly, been hurt. Instead, I translated what Hallit said and did not say in my head. Her calling me "Rachel" was, more often than not, an endearment rather than a direct address. Her treatment of me, her concern for my physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing, was love. Even if, during the immediate years that followed, she could never verbally express it.

Of course, I knew, and she knew that I knew, and for that time, this was enough.

The four of us walked out of the Yeerk Pool complex rather more quickly than we had walked in. Despite the lack of hunger, we were all eager to be away from the screaming involuntary hosts. I noticed, though, that Sorren hadn't said anything since her initial offer of a ride home.

(Hallit, do you think she's angry at Jill?) I asked, the idea having just occurred to me. (I mean, Jill was awfully honest about everything. Not that Sorren comes off as this huge jerk or anything, but could she be accused of host sympathy?)

Hallit chewed on my lip. (I'm not sure,) she admitted. (Certainly, she was significantly more gentle on Jill than many Yeerks in her position. She did have a voluntary human before her, so she had some previous experience.) Hallit was silent for a minute. (Perhaps, her former host was what we privately refer to as a "reluctant voluntary". Our official instruction encourages us to discipline our hosts when they misbehave, and Jill's behavior during the first day and a half certainly qualifies as that. On the other hand, Sorren had full access to Jill's mind, and she may have known that Jill would wear herself out and become more reasonable. Many Yeerks in Sorren's position would have disciplined their host, and perhaps Sorren did, and Jill was leaving that part out. But, I don't think that Sorren could be accused of host sympathy. Not after so early into what became a voluntary host.)

(What if she's angry at Jill for telling me this, and you?)

Hallit sighed. (It seems unlikely, based on our experience, but I can certainly make a comment about it in favor of granting Jill leniency.)

(I'd...appreciate that, Hallit,) I told her. (If it's not...)

(No need to worry, Rachel. I will be very tactful,) she assured me.

(Hallit?) I asked, wanting to know, yet fearing the response, (if I had been...reluctant...?)

Hallit shook my head visibly. (No. I've never disciplined any of my hosts, and most of mine were involuntary. I've heard too many stories of damaged hosts that way. Besides, there are some Yeerks enjoy the discipline too much, and succumb to torture even when the host has done nothing wrong. I simply...) Hallit floundered for a minute. (I would not trust myself with wielding that type of power. Nearly all involuntary humans wear themselves out from fighting. The truly involuntary ones, I mean, not just the ones who are scared and lash out at the beginning. It's far more prudent to explain their situation, point out the benefits of cooperation, and if they will not cooperate, ignore them until they've worn themselves out. In my experience, many fight out of fear, even those who later become voluntary.)

(I was scared, at first,) I remembered.

(Which was entirely normal,) Hallit soothed. (Few Yeerks would expect any less from a first time human, and most know that, if for no other reason than to ensure cooperation, they should act understanding and provide sufficient information from the beginning.)

I felt reassured by her words, and was quiet. I noted that we had just entered the parking lot of the mall, and it would take another five minutes or so to reach Jill's car. The mall was nearly deserted, it being nearly 11:00, and most of the stores having been closed for at least an hour. It was safe to talk opening, as long as both kept their voices on the low side, and kept their eyes our for other humans.

Out loud, she said, "So, tell me, Sorren, before I die of suspense." She smiled, a little, as though making a joke. "Is your host appeased?"

Sorren turned to me-well, to Hallit-and returned the smile. "Very. She expresses her thanks that we made this possible, especially since it required you going without the nourishment of the Kandrona for longer than usual."

(I wonder,) Hallit observed, rather sardonically, (how much of that came from Sorren and how much from Jill.)

(If you allow for coaching, maybe both,) I replied, giving my Yeerk a mental eye roll and a grin.

She laughed, appreciatively.

"It was a sacrifice, to be sure, but as it did not require waiting long enough for the fugue to begin, I suppose I cannot justify complaining about it a great deal," Hallit allowed. "Moreover, my host enjoyed the talk with yours. Enough, even, to justify for us attempting to schedule regular feedings together."

Sorren's face brightened. "Jill would like that. It may not be every feeding, to be sure, but some regularity would foster their friendship, and I see no harm in this."

Hallit nodded. "I hope that you were not...alarmed by anything she told my host. Rest assured, I believe that you handled the immediate situation in which you found yourself-when you immediately received that human as you host-very well, especially considering the outcome."

Sorren looked, if anything, relieved, by Hallit's assessment, but her reply was rather defensive. "I was reluctant to use harsh disciplinary measures when I believed that doing so would prolong her current status as involuntary."

By now, we had reached the car, and Sorren held the passenger door open for Hallit.

"While there are certainly some who cling to these methods of discipline," Hallit allowed, "I have never needed to utilize them on my hosts, as they were involuntary, but not active fighters against me. Hosts like that need to be shown that the Yeerk is in charge, of course, but there is such a thing as permanent damage to their minds."

"I always aim to use such discipline only as a last resort," Sorren confided. "All of my hosts have yet to be the recipients of it, by me. I believe that the empire wishes for us to learn how to show our hosts that we are their masters without breaking them."

"Certainly," Hallit agreed. "We provide our hosts with ample benefits from our presence. Although I was not born until after the war, Yeerk history shows that we vastly improved the lives of the Gedds by infesting them. Our intelligence enabled them to live longer and healthier lives, and even their limited minds could accept this and respect us for this. They also, of course, appreciated our companionship and our intelligence."

"It's rather unfortunate, though, about the Hork-Bajir," Sorren pointed out. "I believe that conquering them was necessary, as they were too stupid to understand what we wanted from them. Most are involuntary out of habit. There are a few that are more intelligent than the others, and want us there," Sorren observed. "The Taxxon race needs us to control their eternal hunger, rather more than we need their bodies. But they are useful enough for flying spacecraft," she allowed. "And then, there are the humans. I believe that they will be the ones that will enable us to win the war against the Andalites. There are so many of them, after all."

I noted how she carefully segued from the lack of resistance of certain host bodies to the usefulness of my race in the war. Leaving out the variety of opinions my race had on infestation.

At least, the ones who knew about it.

(Yes, that was rather clever of her,) Hallit remarked. (As as well you, for picking it on it. Well done, Rachel.)

I grinned, mentally, at the compliment. Being called smart wasn't something I heard much of, especially when I was growing up.

(Well, your parents were abusive, and not overly intelligent besides, Rachel,) Hallit told me. (You're an intelligent member of your race, and anyone who failed to notice that was either ignorant or callous.)

(Thanks,) I replied, now feeling embarrassed.

"Hallit? Is this where you live?"

It sounded as though she'd been repeating the question.

Hallit blinked. "Yes, that's the correct address."

Sorren exhaled, a little sharply. "Jill says the area isn't very nice."

Hallit rolled her eyes. "As I said earlier, what does she expect, with what Rachel earns? Besides, it's safe during the day, and it's not too bad at night, as long as I'm careful. In the event I work until the evening, or feed, I usually take the bus."

(It's not like we live in the worst part of town,) I told my Yeerk, a little sullenly. (I'm only a few minutes away from Leah, and you've seen her area. It's not exactly flooding with millionaires, but it's decent.)

(That kind of talk won't get you a raise,) Hallit chided.

(Good thing I'm not the one asking for it,) I teased her.

(Touche,) Hallit laughed.

"Well, be careful. I'll stay here until I see you're inside the building," Sorren allowed. "You'll be in at 9:00 tomorrow?"

"Yes," Hallit replied, unbuckling the seat belt. "Until 5:00."

"Hallit?" Sorren asked, rather suddenly.

Hallit turned my eyes toward Sorren. "Yes, Sorren?"

"I have a meeting coming up soon with the district manager. They're the ones in charge of employees in this area. Including pay raises. If he's one of us, I could probably get you promoted without any issues. If he's not...well, it would take some more paperwork and persuasion, but even then, I imagine that I could get you a decent raise."

"I would appreciate that," Hallit said. "When's the meeting?"

Sorren wrinkled her eyebrows. "Next week, I think. I would have to check, since all of that information is on the computer, and I haven't committed it to memory."

Hallit nodded. "Would this promotion mean that Rachel would become salary, and therefore ineligible for overtime?"

"I'll need to check our manual, but before I bring anything up, I'll speak with you. It shouldn't be a linear move-and often, that's what promotions become, even if corporate makes it sound better when they tell you."

(Something that they and some Vissers have in common,) Hallit told me, privately.

"Well, thank you, Sorren. Yes, please keep me up to date. In the meantime, my host body is exhausted, and I imagine that yours must be, as well."

Sorren laughed. "Jill says that I'm lucky I hadn't infested her two years ago, when her offspring were newborns and learning how to sleep through the night. But yes, tomorrow will certainly feel like a long day."

"Indeed." Hallit paused, as an idea must have occurred to her. "Tell me. Does your host know how to sleep, mentally, when you are in charge? I plan to teach Rachel how to do this tomorrow."

Sorren shook her head. "No, not yet. We've attempted it, without much success. Jill wants to learn, but her mind is...anxious. She does not like the idea of being unconscious while her body is functioning."

"Ah. Well, good night, and thank you for the ride."

"To loosely translate from the Galard...the debt is mine to repay."

(Indeed,) she told me. (Not a very large one, but still a debt.)

"Well, giving Rachel a living wage would be a good starting point," Hallit said, laughing a little. "Good night."

With that, she opened the car door, and left.

Once inside the building, Hallit asked me, (Do you want control now?)

I paused, considering, before mentally shaking my head. (Just after we get in bed. So I can fall asleep on my own.)

(All right.) She glanced at our watch. Nearly 11:30. (If we shower and wash your hair tonight, we can avoid it tomorrow morning, as long as we wear it up. This would allow you to sleep until 8:20.)

(You're sure I won't fall asleep in the shower?) I joked. (Or get soap in my eyes, or something?)

Hallit shuddered at the image. (I'll be very cautious, Rachel.)

(Sure, then go for it,) I agreed.

I was glad I had eaten earlier, because that was another task we wouldn't have to perform before heading to bed. Although, I had kind of missed my daily dessert.

(We'll have extra ice cream tomorrow,) Hallit promised me. (And, perhaps, the remainder of the Twizzlers?)

She liked them more than I did, I knew. I didn't dislike the candy, but I was definitely more of a chocolate person. Also, mint. But eating the candy seemed to bring Hallit a lot of enjoyment, and it wasn't like the taste was bad. Just, not my favorite.

Of course, if they were the last type of candy in the world, I'd be happy to eat them.

(Sure. Maybe while watching a good movie?) I asked. (Or a TV show, if there's anything on.)

(Sounds like a good plan,) my Yeerk agreed.

We unlocked my door, and Susie practically attacked us, rubbing against my legs. Whoever said that cats were aloof had never met Susie.

"And hello to you too, you little fur ball," Hallit cooed.

It was not entirely an act on her part. I could feel her affection for my cat.

(She is cute, and affectionate,) Hallit told me, scooping her up for a hug and adding more food to her bowl. At this, Susie jumped out of my arms and attacked the kitty food with a vengeance.

I giggled inwardly at that, having been the recipient of such antics before. Shaking her head, Hallit headed to my bathroom, where she promptly undressed me and started the water for the shower. Her hold on me, as usual, was loose, and I could feel and enjoy the warm water pouring around me. Best of all, when Hallit began to wash my hair, she took her time massaging the shampoo onto my scalp. She had already kept my eyes firmly closed, and I felt myself relax further into my mind, savoring every minute of her care.

(Mmm,) I murmured, more to myself than to Hallit, even though she certainly heard me.

(It feels pleasant, doesn't it?) she asked, still working shampoo through my long hair. (I never had to bathe my non-human hosts, but it's certainly among of the aspects of having a human body I enjoy.)

She massaged it for at least a full minute before stopping, and then stood under the spray while it rinsed out.

Hallit conditioned my hair next, combing it evenly through the ends, first, then moving the comb through my scalp. While not quite as pleasant as the massage from the shampooing, it was still very relaxing, and had I been in control, it would have been a real effort not to fall asleep then and there.

After Hallit was certain that all of the conditioner was out of my hair, she did a final rinse with the warm-really, almost hot-water and then turned it off. She toweled me down, carefully, then combed out my hair again. When dry, it was wavy, but when wet, it was completely straight, and all the way to my waist. I hoped that it would be long enough to sit on in a year, maybe two. That is, if Hallit didn't decide to cut a lot of it off.

(Absolutely not,) she told me, sensing my thoughts. (Although, I might not want it to reach your ankles.)

I giggled. (Long enough to sit on is as much as I could handle. Besides, I don't even know if it would get that long.)

Hallit selected the nightgown that she had placed on my towel rack earlier that morning, and pulled it over my head. (My previous female host had hair only to her shoulders. The male, of course, had even shorter hair.)

(Yeah, a lot of women cut off most of their hair when they get older,) I observed. (Silly, really, since it's not a very attractive style, and it's not like they don't have the face or body anymore to pull it off.)

Hallit noted that I was thinking of my own mother, and laughed a little. (Well, humans rarely do what's logical.)

She began to brush my teeth for awhile, then floss them. After that, she handed me control. (Ready for bed, Rachel?)

(Definitely.)

I realized that I could barely keep my eyes open, and wondered how Hallit had managed.

(Practice, and iron will power,) she told me, responding to my unanswered question.

(I'll be lucky if I can make it to my bedroom without falling over,) I said, only half joking.

(I'm here if you start to fall,) she told me, kindly.

After a few prayers to God-I had stopped during the first week or so of my initial infestation, but Hallit quickly encouraged me to resume them, once I became more comfortable with her listening in-I crept into bed and pulled the covers over myself. Susie joined me a few minutes later, and I wrapped her in my arms. She curled up against me, purring.

(Good night, Hallit,) I told my Yeerk.

(Good night, Rachel,) she told me, warmly. (Sleep well.)

Within what seemed like less than a minute, I fell into a sound, dreamless sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

It was to no one's surprise-that is, myself and Hallit-that when I woke up the next day to the clanging of my alarm, I was still very tired and wanted little more than to throw it across the room and roll over for at least another two hours of sleep.

I couldn't because Hallit had control, but I could tell from her emotions that she was fighting the impulse to do it.

(She won't fire us if we're a few hours late,) I told my Yeerk, half kidding. (Not after she all but promised us a raise.)

(Oh, hush,) she laughed as she reached over to turn off the alarm. (Besides, as I'll be in control for the bulk of the day, I'll be experiencing most of your body's lack of sleep. Unless, you'd prefer to be in control?)

It was, I knew, a legitimate question. Hallit would be happy to hand over control to me. It had been my choice to ask her to control my body while at work-and really, for most of the time. On the other hand, this was something we had mutually agreed on within the first two weeks of my becoming her host, and now that more than a month had passed since my initial infestation-really, closer to two-was she asking me to reconsider? Recalling the memory in my head of my first trip to the Yeerk Pool, when I saw the girl who could barely stand on her own?

(Hallit, I-) I fumbled, not sure how to answer the question. Still, it was comforting that she knew my thoughts, that she knew I was happy with the current arrangement.

(You know, Rachel, that in the right settings, I would never deny you control. Or access to control. You have either access to your body or full control for approximately two hours a day. Many voluntary hosts have it for three. I'm willing to give you more, if you want. It is...) She stopped abruptly, and I wondered if she had been about to say something traitorous. Something like "It is your body, after all." But she spoke again after the brief pause, saying only, (It is your option to utilize your body for longer periods of time.)

I might have teased her about it, normally. Said something like, (How very technical of you.) But the combination of the fog my mind was in due to lack of enough sleep, combined with Hallit's sincerity, made me pause.

(Thank you,) I told her. (I'm happy with some control, and it's not like...even when you use my body, I can still experience everything. That's gentle control, right?)

(Yes,) Hallit confirmed. (As opposed to loose control, when the Yeerk is operating the body, while not preventing access to parts or all of it on the part of their host.)

I felt a little more awake now. Whether it was due to conversing with Hallit or her moving my body around and making the morning preparations (washing my face, brushing my teeth, gently brushing my hair and pulling it back into the promised ponytail), I wasn't entirely sure. I still would have chosen to go back to bed in an instant had that been a viable option for either of us, but I wasn't dead on my feet, either.

(Being a Yeerk must be complicated,) I mused. (With a host, I mean.)

Hallit shrugged, heading into my kitchen. (A great deal of it is instinct, and then, there's training. Not that they go into detail about loosening your hold on your host, but they do mention it, a little. If for no other reason than it needs to be done when you leave their head in order to feed. It's impossible to retain complete control while disengaging from their minds. Enough of us have made the attempt-and suffered considerable pain as a result. As for the full versus loose versus gentle control...it's really all very simple after the first couple of attempts. We evolved to live in the minds of our hosts, so what's practically second nature for us may seem overly complicated to a non-Yeerk, but it isn't. In fact, if a Yeerk had trouble controlling their host on a basic physical level-high emotions notwithstanding-it would be cause enough for them to be sent back to the Pool permanently.)

It was still difficult to process. (Well, I guess unless we get hold of the Andalite morphing technology and us humans can become Yeerks, it will remain a mystery to me.)

She laughed. (I imagine that many involuntary Controllers would find themselves more compliant if they were forced to morph a Yeerk for the maximum two hours.)

(Why maximum?) I asked, as Hallit filled a bowl with my favorite cereal.

(Two hours is the longest time an Andalite can remain in a morph. Any longer, and they become trapped as that creature. They call this becoming a nothlit.)

I took a minute to consider this. (But maybe it's just Andalites. And Yeerks and humans wouldn't have that limit.)

Hallit shook our head. (No, it's a technology, and I believe that the limits would be imposed on all species. Not that we have any proof of this-the Andalites are stingy creatures with their technology. No sooner did they build us portable Kandronas and pools before they were calling us vile parasites and a scourge upon the galaxy,) she told me, rather scornfully. (The likelihood of us ever receiving any of their technologies would depend on our conquering them as a race.)

(Okay, but Visser Three has an Andalite host. Can't he use his knowledge to recreate Andalite technology for Yeerks?) I pressed.

(His host was a military leader, and a disgraced one by the end of the war with the Hork-Bajir,) Hallit explained. (He had little knowledge of scientific advances.)

(Oh.)

(So, having our hosts morph Yeerks to gain empathy is quite a ways off,) Hallit concluded. (Unfortunately for us.)

I reached out with my mind to hug her, and felt her return the hug with more warmth, more protective force, than usual.

(I am glad that you are my host, Rachel,) she told me, still holding me in her mind.

(Same here, Hallit,) I replied, leaning into her warmth.

Her love.

Jill was there when we arrived, and gave us a professional smile. I knew that this was Sorren acting in the role of Jill. Hallit and I checked her face for any signs of tiredness, but she must be one of those people who could manage on less sleep. Me, I'd needed at least nine hours ever since I was a child, so even the eight that I got the night before felt like complete deprivation.

(If you're willing, I'm going to show you how to sleep in your mind today,) Hallit told me, as we signed our timesheet. (It's time you learned, and you'll feel much better after you wake up.)

(Will it help you, too?) I asked her.

(Bodily, no. At least, minimally. Your bodies didn't evolve with Yeerks the way the Gedd race did, so sleeping in your mind while another species is operating your body will not have the same restorative powers as traditional sleeping would. But, it does help the host mind.)

I gave a mental sigh. (I don't think I'll be very good at it.)

I was basing this on the one time-about three weeks into my having met Hallit-that we attempted to have her control my body while I fell asleep at night. She had always allowed me to control my body fully so I could fall asleep on my own, even though many Yeerks utilized this function. Especially those with involuntary hosts.

It had been somewhat of a disaster. A few minutes into my waiting for sleep, and feeling completely powerless, I nearly panicked, then began begging Hallit for control.

She gave it to me immediately, of course, and sleep came a few minutes later. But I had felt so trapped in that time before, much more than during the day when she had control over my body, that Hallit didn't suggest trying again.

(It's not like that, Rachel,) she told me, reading my thoughts as I recalled the failed experiment. (It's much more simple, when it's only your mind that rests.)

I sighed. (How do you do it?)

Hallit considered this. (Typically, with my previous human hosts, they were already mentally tired. I couldn't give them control, you realize, because they would inevitably use it to thwart me. To fight against the Yeerks. So, they were either tired from fighting and failing, or they were simply using it as a way to "pass the time", to use a human expression. Your mind is still tired, although, you're awake enough to converse with me.) Hallit went quiet for a minute. (I suppose the best way to get you to sleep, mentally, is to walk you through it.)

(Like, imagining that I'm in bed?) I asked her.

She chewed on the inside of my lip. (Perhaps, if I sent you some memories of being in bed, of the time right before falling asleep, it might have that affect.) She sighed. (The problem with this is that I'm afraid you'll rely on this in order to be able to sleep mentally.)

(And if you're in a meeting or something, you wouldn't be able to?)

(No, this requires little focus on my end,) Hallit corrected me. (It's more that if your mind associates something I do with your ability to do it, you might not think that you can do it on your own.)

(Could we try it that way this time, and maybe I can figure it out on my own, once I've done it?) I suggested.

All this talk of sleeping would have made me yawn, had I been able to.

(Yes, I suppose so. All right. Ready?)

I gave a mental nod.

She sent me recent memories of being in bed. Of my cat curled up against me. Of her presence there, not controlling my body, but still a gentle awareness in my mind. I noticed Hallit focused on the sensory aspects of this memory. The feel of the bed beneath me. The softness of my sheets and my blankets. Even the warmth of my cat pressed against my right shoulder, and the noise of her loud purring.

It made me even more drowsy.

(Relax,) Hallit told me, as the memory continued to play. (Lean into it.)

I did. I tried to focus on it, and then, not focus. Let myself fall into the memory, embrace it. Block out anything from the outside. It was just me, Hallit, my bed, and my cat. The softness of the bed felt more tangible, the purring so loud, I could swear it was real. The memory couldn't have been very long-Hallit must have been replaying the moments before I fell asleep over an over. But I didn't try to think too much about that. Just the sensations.

I wasn't aware of having lost consciousness in my mind, only coming back to it. I felt more awake than I had before, and I felt myself reach out for Hallit, even though I knew that she could sense my awareness without me having to do so.

(You slept well,) she told me, sounding pleased. (And you were out for over two hours, so your mind was able to get a lot of rest.)

(I feel more alert,) I said, feeling the urge to yawn in my mind. (That...memory thing you did...it worked really well.)

(Replaying the same memory over and over,) Hallit explained. (It's different than when I replay your memories from the voluntary area when I feed.)

(Yeah. It felt...more intense, too. You were focused on some things more than others. Like my cat. I-I figure I probably was only somewhat aware of them at the time,) I told her. (Can you do that with all memories?)

(Anything that your brain has a memory of in its long term memory. Nothing that's been entirely forgotten,) Hallit explained. (But if you were half listening to something a person was saying at the time, maybe two weeks before I had infested you, I could likely bring up that event with more precision that you would be able to.)

(It's kind of scary,) I admitted. (You wouldn't...)

There were lots of things I didn't want to have any memory of, let alone an enhanced memory. And if Hallit judged me to be disobedient, it would be of no difficulty for her to do this.

Suddenly, I felt scared of my Yeerk.

(Rachel,) she murmured, her voice as gentle as I'd ever heard it. (I wouldn't do something like that. Never.)

(You promise?) I asked, knowing she could hear the hesitation in my voice. That it wasn't that I didn't believe her, but how could someone hold such power and never want to use it?

(Yes.)

I let my uneasiness melt away. Hallit had never hurt me, had she? Never made me do anything that I hadn't wanted to? Well, all right, I'd been hesitant to let her see my memories of that first time in the voluntary area, and she'd been insistent on seeing them, but even then, she'd told me beforehand how she'd limit the memory search. And really, once I'd known what was coming and had experienced it, it had not been painful. She'd kept her word to me. Not only that, Hallit hadn't promoted The Sharing to Leah or Mark, even before learning that my sister was pregnant. Okay, so Hallit had enormous power over my memory. Yes, she had complete power over my body. She could do anything she wanted with either.

But she hadn't. And she promised that she wouldn't.

That, and her treatment of her, spoke volumes. I could hardly be afraid of her for something that she might never do to me.

After all, I'd been treated worse by my own biological family.

Then, I felt guilty. Because, of course, Hallit had yet to hurt me, and the power had been hers all along. She'd treated me with nothing but kindness. Even showing me the vivid memory had been an act of that, a way to help me get more rest. I'd been ungrateful to assume the worst in her.

(I'm sorry,) I said, quietly.

Her surprise showed. (Don't be, Rachel. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's only natural, not only for you in particular, but for your entire kind, to view the type of power we Yeerks can yield over you with fear. It's a completely, well, human response. Even the Hork-Bajir are aware of this, although to a very limited extent. Your uneasiness is entirely natural, and completely understandable. I would never hold that against you. In fact, few Yeerks would. If anything, they would judge your response to be-) She paused, evidently searching for the right word. (-I suppose that "wise" would be the closest to the term we use.)

(What's that?) I asked her, curiosity replacing fear.

(Shalkat. The awareness the host has of their Yeerk's power over it.) Hallit made a face. (I never liked the term...it has negative connotations. A Yeerk saying it about their host usually means it as...to use a human term..."knowing their place". It's used as a noun, so a Yeerk with an involuntary host might say that their host need to learn to become shalkat. Not simply obedient to their Yeerk as far as not rebelling openly, but to cease fighting overall. Almost, although not entirely, to become broken.) Hallit sighed. (And while I certainly prefer voluntary hosts to involuntary ones, I cannot imagine any instance in which I would resort to breaking down my host's mind-and, Rachel, my two humans and Hork-Bajir were mighty fighters against my control. So, you understand my hesitation towards that word. But it's the closest thing we have to a host being fully aware of the power that their Yeerk has over them. Not,) she added, firmly, (that I would ever do anything to hurt you intentionally. Not with your body, and certainly not with your mind. Are you reassured?)

I was, considerably, and gave a mental nod. Hallit gave me another mental smile, as well as another one of her long hugs.

(I'm glad,) she told me. (Now, as it's almost time for lunch, I should finish refolding these shirts. We can still talk, though, if you'd like.)

(There was one thing I was wondering about,) I told her. (It just occurred to me earlier.)

It was further proof of Hallit's patience that, since she knew everything that went on in my mind, she didn't just provide an answer before I had a chance to ask my question.

(Mmm?) She was folding a dark blue shirt as she "spoke" to me, and I could tell the motion was automatic. But flawless.

(I don't remember ever having said anything to Leah about The Sharing. Neither do you. But when it came up, a few weeks ago, she remembered me telling her about it. I thought...did we both forget?)

Hallit chuckled a little. (I had been puzzled about that, as well. There are a few explanations. First, the human memory is far from perfect, so you might have told her, and forgot. As this did not enter into your long term memory, I would not remember it, either. The other option is that she misremembered. Keep in mind that her coworkers belong to the group, so she might have thought you told her about it, but it wasn't really you. Or, perhaps, one of her coworkers saw you at a meeting, and mentioned it to your sister, and that's how she knew. I think that the last option is the most likely.)

(Then, Leah got the information about me from someone else, but since we talk about a lot, she thought that she got it from me?)

(Or that when she heard it from someone else, she misremembered and thought that she heard it from you, as well.) Hallit shrugged. (There are various possibilities, and without being in her head, there's no way to determine which is the correct one. As there's misremembering going on by someone at some point, I doubt that even being in her head would give us the right answer. Does it bother you?)

(Confused me, I guess,) I responded. (Because, up until that point, I could have sworn that I had said nothing to her. I don't know why, but I wanted to keep that part of my life just for me. Maybe, I was worried that if she and Mark got involved, I would be more interested in seeing them, or more upset by what I had lost when they got married. It's easier now, though. Because you're there.)

(I'm glad you enjoy my company, Rachel,) Hallit said, softly. She finished folding the last shirt, and then headed in the direction of the break room, where we ate my lunch in companionable silence.


	16. Chapter 16

Hallit and I spent the afternoon at checkout, which was easily my least favorite part of the job. Most of the people were decent enough, but there were some who-as my Yeerk put it-should be handed over immediately as hosts to Yeerks as difficult as they were.

(It would teach them some manners,) she grumbled, after spending fifteen minutes explaining to a woman why a sweater she purchased from a rival company could not-in fact-be returned here, five years AFTER she purchased it. Nor could we give her store credit. Nor could we replace it for something thirty dollars more expensive than she had already paid for it. Oh, and it was stained, which was also our fault.

After calling us some terms that I'm not going to repeat, she demanded to speak with our manager. Jill-well, Sorren, most likely-repeated the same things as Hallit, and the woman stormed off in a huff, declaring that she was never going to shop here again.

"It's not like she ever shopped here to begin with," Sorren said in a low voice, once she was out of the building and no one was in my line. "Given that the sweater was from our competitor."

She said "competitor" the same way she might have said "Andalite", which made me wonder if it was Sorren speaking, or, perhaps, it had been Jill all along. Certainly, Sorren could act the same way that her host did, but the emotions behind it...

(We're good at impersonating our hosts, Rachel,) Hallit reminded me, with a chuckle. (Whether or not we believe what they would say.)

This was true enough. Still. (But she's talking to you, really. Not me. Do Yeerks really care about such mundane things as we do?)

Hallit gave a mental shrug. (It's difficult, sometimes, to remain impartial when our host cares greatly about something. For instance, my love of Twizzlers clearly came from my previous host and remains, even though you prefer other types of treats.)

(Yeah, I guess. You'd know more than I would about this.)

While I certainly didn't mind being a host, at least to Hallit, I wished I could see things the way she did. Become a Yeerk, if only for an hour or so. Of course, the Andalites had to be defeated before this could happen, and I suspected that would be an uphill battle. But after we won, everyone would probably be given morphing technology, and maybe I could become a Yeerk and experience life the way Hallit did.

Just for a little.

This would, of course, mean having a host. A voluntary one, naturally, because I would never infest someone against their will. And I would be lonely, doing it on my own. Maybe Hallit and I could morph Yeerk together, and find someone willing, and she could show me what she experienced in my head on a daily basis.

(I'd like that,) she told me, hearing my thoughts. (I'd like you to see everything that I do.)

(We wouldn't take anyone against their will, though, right?)

(No, we wouldn't,) she agreed.

It was a fantasy, probably. Even if we defeated the Andalites within my lifetime, morphing might not be made available to all Yeerks. Still, that didn't mean it couldn't happen.

I was aware that the subject had changed, between Hallit and Sorren, and they were now discussing some new inventory and where to place it. Hearing this, I gave a mental start, since this kind of thing was way above my pay grade. I obeyed orders given by the managers-which is what they were, no matter how nicely you put them-not gave them. Or, at least, participated in giving them. But the way the Hallit and Sorren were speaking, this seemed to be a decision made mutually between them. Could it be that this was Sorren's way of trying to get me a promotion before the fact?

I had assumed that Sorren would use my experience in The Sharing as a way of leveraging for my deserving higher pay. Something about community outreach, maybe. This was something else.

(Sounds like she's hoping to make you an assistant manager,) Hallit told me, after Sorren had left. (Based on what she said and what you know about it, anyway. I couldn't exactly ask her right there. Not enough privacy.)

There were cameras all over the store, and while we had been told that sound wasn't recorded, no one really believed that. Even if the higher ups in the company were all Controllers-which was unlikely-there were enough in the middle that we needed the appearance of normalcy.

(That would justify a pay increase,) I noted.

(Yes, and given that you've been here for two and a half years, it wouldn't be entirely unwarranted,) Hallit added, smiling. (It's all speculation, until we find out for certain. Her meeting is likely to occur within the next week.)

I made a mental sound of agreement that would probably have sounded like "Mmm" had it been spoken.

Another customer came by, followed by several more, so we had to stop the mental conversation. I passed the time simply observing, glad that Hallit was there to do my job for me. It was pleasant not to have to worry about making small talk, dealing with complaints, and the overall monotony of the customer service job. Some people, I knew, loved the work. The social butterflies. They didn't even mind the complaints, much, because they just saw it as a way to solve a problem. Me, I'd rather be back doing anything but that. Even if someone was completely pleasant at first, I knew from experience that they could turn around in an instant and become nasty.

At least I didn't have to spend too much time there, and when I did, it was Hallit's job.

(Yes, my price to pay for access to your body and your senses,) she remarked, hearing my thoughts.

I couldn't tell if she was joking or not.

(Both,) she said, in response to my unspoken question. (It's certainly tiring work, more so than ordinary interactions with humans. Many customers treat people like you as little more than robots, even if they would see you in church a few days later and be perfectly friendly then. Then, of course, there's the legitimate threat that anything you say that they don't like could be taken to the higher ups, and you could be disciplined or lose your job for something that is not your fault in the least. I don't like the idea of having to search for a new job. Still, I prefer this to life in the pool, and I especially appreciate that you're not screaming in my head while I perform this job.)

The last part, I knew, was a combination of joke and sincere compliment, but I always became a little uneasy-for Hallit-when she spoke about her previous human hosts that way. While I could understand a reluctance to give over your body to an alien, couldn't they see that Hallit was decent? At worse, realize that if they didn't cooperate, there was a high likelihood that they would end up host to a Yeerk who wasn't kind to their host? Besides, Hallit hardly deserved such abuse from her host.

(I'm with you, now,) she told me, responding again to my unspoken thoughts. (Besides, it was probably worse for them than it was for me, to be entirely honest.)

She started as soon as she had said this, then sent me an image of a human putting her hand over her mouth. (Stupid of me,) she muttered. Then, (I mean...)

She trailed off.

I tried to help her, because I knew that what my Yeerk had said could be construed as host sympathy. (Because they were acting up, being over emotional?) I asked. (Making it worse for themselves than it had to be? Is that what you mean, Hallit?)

She gave a mental nod. (I've never mistreated my hosts, even though it's certainly my right-when they misbehave. Which you never do,) she added, rather fiercely, probably thinking of our earlier exchange. (But yes, humans have a tendency to make infestation worse on themselves than it needs to be. Fighting, screaming, falling into despair. They can gain more than they lose, from their Yeerk, but they would rather fight. They try to torture their Yeerk by fighting, but instead, they only make it worse for themselves.)

I gave a mental nod. (Exactly.)

I knew this exchange was a cover up for Hallit's earlier statement. She probably did feel a little sorry for her hosts who rebelled, but to say so would border on host sympathy. So, we had to pretend that she meant something different than what she said. We probably both knew that the exchange wasn't true, but if I was infested by another Yeerk, that Yeerk might see that I believed the exchange to be fake, but they would only see my side of it. Not knowing Hallit's thoughts, only her emotions, would make it entirely plausible that she believed what she said and I was just reading into it what I wanted.

Of course, I never ended up receiving another Yeerk (minus Cassie in Yeerk form) during my years of a Controller. Had we known, we could have been a lot more relaxed with each other. Not that it hurt our relationship much during this time-she knew my thoughts and I knew from her emotions what she wanted to say but couldn't-but it certainly would have made things less complicated after Cassie infested me.

The benefit of hindsight.

(Anyway, I have myself a nice little voluntary host now, so I only have to concentrate on the pleasing customers aspect of the job,) Hallit told me, after a minute. (Which is more than enough of a task in and of itself.)

I giggled appreciatively.

It wasn't long until we were allowed to leave for the day. We were both glad, but I suspected that Hallit was even more relieved than I was. After a late night the previous day, she was fully aware of the lack of sleep on my body.

(You'll be in control after we arrive at your apartment, but I hope you'll consider eating some of that delicious soup your sister made for dinner, and then relaxing in front of the TV with ice cream and Twizzlers,) she told me, as we walked to the bus stop.

(You have it well thought out,) I teased her. (How long have you been thinking about this?)

(The last hour, at least,) she told me, taking a seat on the bus. (Ahh. I don't think we sat down once this afternoon.)

The relief on our feet from sitting down was tangible. Hallit's hold on me hadn't been as loose today as it was normally, because she hadn't wanted me to experience the discomfort she felt, but it was loose enough that I felt some of it. I never wore high heeled shoes, but even the sensible ones I did wear could only do so much after standing up for four hours at a time.

(We didn't,) I recalled. (I'm sorry.)

Hallit waved off my apology. (For what? You did nothing wrong.)

(If I didn't have this job...)

(Rachel, we've been through this,) she told me, patiently. (You have nothing to be ashamed of. Neither what you do to survive, nor the circumstances that led you up to this. Now, if you weren't such a forgiving person, I would take hold the heads of those two fools who "raised" you and personally infest them with the cruelest Yeerks I knew. Unfortunately, this would neither react well on me, and I know that it would give you nightmares. However, when I saw how they treated you, know that anything I could do to them would be a far gentler punishment than they deserve.)

(I don't know whether to be touched at your protective nature or horrified, Hallit,) I told her, honestly.

She shrugged. (Yeerks are protective by nature. It stems from instinct...Oh, it's our stop!)

Hallit stood up abruptly, and raced to the front of the bus before the doors could close. "Thank you! Sorry! I'm so sorry about that!" she said, speaking to the bus driver.

He just waved us on. "Lost in your thoughts? Yeah, I know how it is. Have a good night!" he said.

She nodded, and practically raced down the steps.

(Nice guy,) I commented. (I know others who would have been...less so.)

Hallit laughed. (He's one of us, and he might recognize you from The Sharing. Then again, perhaps his host is a decent person, and he's playing that role.)

We walked the extra block to my apartment. (Hallit? What did you mean about Yeerks being protective by instinct?)

(Hmm? Oh,) she said, recalling her words-or my memory of her words, perhaps-from several minutes earlier. (It's...not quite folklore, but rather, history from what I heard in the pool. I never lived on the home planet, but I was spawned in the Sulp Niar pool, which was the first generation to be born outside of our home world. There were many Yeerks born on the home world who were on the ship's pool at the time of the Andalite attack, and they told us our history when we were still grubs. Others claim that some of what we learned was mythology, but, to me, it doesn't have that same ring as our creation stories do. I believe them to be accurate completely. Do you want to hear it?)

She asked the last part rather playfully, because my growing interest was a clear indication that she should continue.

(Of course,) I said, as we unlocked my door.

We were momentarily interrupted by Susie coming up to greet us, and Hallit picked her up to give her a hug. After we changed her litter and fed her, Hallit cleaned my hands in the kitchen sink.

(You should shower,) Hallit told me, glancing at my clothes. (It was rather hot in the back this morning. Do you want control for that, or should I remain?)

(You can stay in control. Are you going to wash my hair again?) I asked, rather hopefully.

(Too soon-your hair will get oily if we do that too much,) she reminded me. (Tomorrow morning, though.)

I gave a mental nod, and she headed towards the bathroom.

It was easy to tell that she felt more awake afterwards, as she hung up the towel and put me into a nightgown. (My previous hosts never wore nightgowns. Well, the female, anyway. She slept in what she referred to as "sweats". But your nightgowns are far more comfortable, and certainly easier to move around in.)

(Skirts are the same way,) I told her. (At least, I've always thought that. Long and full ones, at any rate.)

Which were the kind that I wore.

(Yes,) she agreed.

We headed back into the kitchen, where Susie was still working on her dinner. She ate the dry food in slow, delicate bites, which-when I first got her-gave me the impression that she ate a lot more than she did.

Hallit reheated some of the soup that Leah had given us the last time we were over. She always insisted on us taking home the leftovers, and they usually lasted a few meals, but ever since she had gotten pregnant, there were at least twice as many as before. Probably because she was now eating for two, and incorrectly assumed that everyone else was. Or, maybe, she was concerned that I wasn't making enough to buy enough food to feed myself. Truth be told, I probably saved at least ten dollars each week on my grocery bill because of her, but even without the extra food, I would hardly be starving.

(It's how she shows you that she loves you,) Hallit told me. (One of the ways, anyway.)

(I've always seen her as more of a mom than an older sister. Since mine was so awful,) I answered. (She was the only one I could depend on when I was growing up.)

And since Leah turned 18 when I was 11 and moved out to go to college, I was on my own for the last seven years of my childhood. If you could call it that.

Not that it was her fault. I couldn't have expected her to stay home when she had a chance to escape. Nor could I expect my parents to let her adopt me. As for becoming an emancipated minor before 18? That would have been laughed right out of court. My parents were respected members of our community. The last people who would abuse their children.

Leah had tried to help me. Send money, at first. But even bank accounts for minors could be accessed by certain adults, and cash could disappear, no matter how well I hid it. So, she visited when she could, and was there for me when she could be. And I tried to hide the pain and the abuse, lest I become a burden to her.

(She never saw you as a burden, Rachel,) Hallit told me. (She still doesn't. You're her baby sister, even if you're twenty years old. She wants to take care of you in any way she knows how.)

(I know.)

The microwave beeped, and Hallit removed the food. (Want control now?)

(Sure.)

We took the soup over to the sofa, but I didn't turn on the TV just yet. (Tell me about Yeerks on the home world? Please?)

Hallit gave a mental nod. I pulled a blanket around my shoulders, wrapping the other one around my waist and legs. I tasted the vegetable soup. It was, as always, thick and delicious.

(Our home planet was-is-not nearly as diverse in life forms as yours is. Altogether, there are maybe a hundred types of life. The most physically advanced species, as you know, are the Gedds. Their intelligence is about the same as an ape on your planet. Somewhat sentient, but not very intelligent. We Yeerks, on the other hand, evolved to be very intelligent, even though our bodies resemble your Earth creatures which are-well, not. At any rate, the Gedds numbered only a couple of thousand in number before we learned how to use them as host bodies. My fellow Yeerks believed that they dunked their entire head into the water to drink, or perhaps to bathe themselves, and the first Yeerks learned that when the head of a Gedd was under water, so was their ear. We knew, instinctively, that we should enter the ear, and the first who did discovered that this was the passage to the brain. This meant that we could utilize the body of the Gedd.)

I gave an involuntary shudder, imagining the poor Gedd suddenly finding themselves immobilized, stuck in their own head. Then, I felt guilty, because Hallit was seeing my reaction.

(It wasn't like that, at first,) she told me. (The first Yeerks accessed the brain without controlling the body. The way I do, now. Because, they saw the fear and confusion from the Gedd, and they immediately backed off, allowing themselves access to the senses while allowing the Gedd to use their body. Or, they might take control gradually, only over certain parts, and only after the Gedd trusted them. Gedds had limited language, even less so than the Hork-Bajir, so the early Yeerks relied on emotion and gradually gained their trust.)

(Why?) I asked, surprising myself.

Hallit laughed a little. (Why did we not become body controlling parasites overnight, as soon as we found that we could? I suppose there were several reasons behind that. First, we were used to life in the pool. Many, in fact most, Yeerks did not initially want to have a host. The new sensations, even that of sight, were too great a contrast for the life they had known. Some became ill afterwards. Not physically-Yeerks don't throw up or anything like that. But we do experience nausea, and even now, there are Yeerks who cannot infest without suffering considerable physical distress.)

(I can understand this. If it's completely different from anything you've ever known, what might seem amazing later would probably only seem terrifying at first.)

(Exactly. It's part of the reason Yeerks receive training hosts for short periods of time before being allowed to infest a Gedd officially. For longer periods of time, until they advance to a higher host.)

(What are other reasons?)

(We weren't a forceful species, as a whole. Before the Andalites came and attacked our home world, most of us were peaceful. Intelligent. Helping the Gedds to cultivate themselves and the population as a whole. We were the ones who introduced farming to them, for instance...but more about that later. We didn't want our host bodies, or their minds, to suffer unnecessarily. Which leads to the third reason,) she added. (Even the Andalites will admit that there was no evidence of cages or confinement on the home world, although we certainly had the tools to do so. This shows that Gedds were voluntary hosts. We knew that if we mistreated them, they would find ways to hide from us. Find ways to drink and bathe without exposing their heads to the water. And the Gedd eyes and bodies were weak enough that it would be incredibly difficult to use force...if two Gedds were infested with Yeerks, that is, it would be very hard to force a third, uninfested, Gedd into the water for enough time for a Yeerk to crawl inside. Their legs are of uneven lengths, and their hands are not built for that. Later, the more aggressive Yeerks learned how to carry weapons, but holding onto the body of a struggling Gedd...) Hallit mentally shook her head. (So, you see, we had a positive relationship with our hosts, back then. Before the Andalites. Besides, they soon realized that their lives were better off when we were inside their heads.)

(They enjoyed your company?) I asked.

(That was part of it, even though they couldn't express this. No, Rachel, as I've said, they didn't have very much in the way of intelligence. And their bodies were not very good. Their poor eyesight...uneven limbs...even without any predators, many died before the age of fifteen. We helped them. With our intelligence, we remembered where the ponds were with the largest fish. Where the safe food was. Moreover, we introduced the idea of planting the seeds of fruit, instead of digesting the entire piece whole. That, as you can imagine, greatly multiplied their food supply. We even obtained other sources of meat for them-mostly insects that they wouldn't have thought to try to trap and eat on their own. The Gedds grew much stronger, healthier, under our care. We also made use of their reproductive cycle so that they would reproduce when they were more fertile.) Here, Hallit blushed a little. (The next generation after we came into contact with them was more numerous, and far healthier. There was little competition for food, because, as I said, we utilized farming and other methods of catching food.)

(I imagine they lived a lot longer, too,) I said, as I ate my soup. (Even if they didn't know that you were directly involved with that.)

(Not directly, but they could make basic connections. A Gedd with a Yeerk did better than a Gedd without one. And, we didn't take control all of the time, nor did we hurt them. Mostly, we existed alongside them, intervening when we could, to make their lives better. Most Yeerks didn't have Gedds as hosts because we still greatly outnumbered them, but most Yeerks didn't exactly want a host, or a permanent host. It was quite common for a Gedd to receive a different Yeerk every three days, but I don't think many of them noticed the difference. The way humans do,) she added, giving me a mental smile. (Naturally, we became very protective of them. Those who had Gedds as hosts enjoyed the senses, I would assume, but they also felt affection for them. That was before the empire was formed and there was the need...when we had to fight the Andalites and many of our host bodies did not want us there. I imagine that some Yeerks want to believe that we were always conquerers and our hosts were always our slaves, but our history shows that this was not the case. Host sympathy is, of course, very detrimental to the empire-but the empire did not always exist.)

I could practically hear the unspoken part of her sentence (and I hope it does not remain forever).

(So,) Hallit concluded, (we protected the Gedds, and they grew from our guidance, and the instinct to protect our host-even the involuntary ones who wish us dead-remains in most of us. Especially those fortunate enough to have voluntary hosts. Like me with you, Rachel.)


	17. Chapter 17

Hallit's story about the Gedds and the way the Yeerks helped them echoes through my mind during the evening. Or, if not the exact words, I certainly spent a lot of time thinking about it. More than the TV show that we watched, or the ice cream and Twizzlers that I've eaten. I wished that the Yeerks could have helped the Hork-Bajir in the same way, before the Andalites killed most of them off. True, I've heard that their senses are much better than the Gedds, and their job on their home world was to cultivate the trees, which was their sole source of food. So, maybe, they wouldn't have needed the Yeerks as much in that sense.

(We came to their planet as warriors,) Hallit told me, as I sat on the couch, the empty bowl of ice cream and empty bag of candy still on my lap. (Seerow's daughter actually led an army against us, and later trapped herself as a Hork-Bajir to mate with one of them. We might have made more progress cultivating them had there not been an internal war at hand. Unlike with the Gedds, we never had a chance to prove to the Hork-Bajir that we could help them, and by the time War Prince Alloran unleashed the Quantum Virus, most of them believed that both races were out to destroy them.)

(There are voluntary Hork-Bajir, though,) I noted, having seen some in the voluntary area, but not having been brave enough to approach them. Gentle as they might be, I was less than eager to get close to any creature covered in blades.

(Yes,) Hallit allowed, (but they're in the minority. Less than 3% of the population, according to official records.)

I yawned, then glanced at the clock on the wall. (Hallit, I know it's not even 7:30, but I'm exhausted. Can we turn in early?)

(Of course, Rachel,) Hallit told me. (I'll get you ready for bed.)

(Actually...do you mind if I did it?) I asked, quickly, before she could take control.

I held my breath, half expecting Hallit to rebuke me. Instead, she simply chuckled.

(Certainly, if that's what you'd prefer,) she replied, gently.

I straightened up, disposed of the empty candy bag, and put the bowl in the sink alongside the soup bowl from earlier. I was too tired to wash them, but I did pour water into both of them to lessen the amount of food clumps that would stick.

Glad that I was already in my nightgown, I headed to the bathroom and washed my face and brushed, then flossed, my teeth. A glance in the mirror exposed my exhaustion, and I was glad that I didn't force myself to stay up late and make things worse for myself the next day. When I entered my bed, it was nearly 8:00. I set my alarm for 7:00 the next morning, and then turned off the lamp. I wouldn't read tonight-just curl up into the covers and wait for sleep to take hold of me.

(Good night, Hallit,) I told my Yeerk, yawning again.

(Sweet dreams, Rachel,) she replied, speaking softly.

My dreams were far from that.

During my childhood, I rarely had nightmares. Maybe, it was because my subconscious knew that if I woke up my parents with my screaming, my father would be there in a minute-not to comfort me, but to beat me. To discipline me for interrupting his sleep. So, for the most part, I didn't wake up from bad dreams. In the rare event that I did, I knew, somehow, to cover my face with a pillow to mute any sounds that I made.

My parents disciplined me a lot while I was a child, but I can't recall them hurting me for the crime of having a bad dream.

As soon as I escaped-having turned eighteen the August after I finished high school-they began. Regularly. It seemed as though at least twice a week, I was waking Leah up with my screaming.

The nightmare was usually very similar, focusing on trying to lock the doors of a large house before my uncle and my father could get in to hurt me. Except, the basement didn't have a lock, not even a latch, and I could hear their laughter as I knew that they would get inside. I always woke up just before seeing their faces, but I knew that if they got to me, standing immobile a few feet from the door, they would hurt me.

Leah, my always loving sister, would hear me screaming and be by my side before I had fully waken up. She never reprimanded me, let alone yelled at me, for possibly waking up the neighbors in the surrounding apartments. Instead, she'd just take me in her arms, hold me close to her, and tell me that everything was all right. That I was safe.

It never seemed to matter to her that at eighteen, I was much too old to be having nightmares, let alone need her to comfort me. She'd stay there with me, rubbing my back, holding me, and even make me hot chocolate as soon as I calmed down enough to be able to drink it. Leah knew it was the one drink that could make everything all right. I'd follow her into the kitchen while she made it, always heating up enough for two mugs, and drinking it along with me. Afterwards, she'd hold me as she led me back to bed, as though I was eight instead of eighteen. She would tuck us into bed-she always stayed with me for the rest of the night, even though half the time, the sheets were drenched with my sweet-and I would wake up with her next to me.

If I apologized the next day, saying something like I was too old to be having nightmares, or even just that I was sorry that I woke her up in the middle of the night, she'd shrug it off. The third time it happened, though, Leah just sighed and took me to the living room, where she had me sit down on the couch. I remembered how she sat down next to me, wrapping an arm around me. I remembered exactly what she said about our parents and our uncle. How I should never feel ashamed of what they had done to me, that nothing about it was my fault. That, if the world was fair, they would all be in solitary confinement-not just prison, but solitary confinement-for the rest of their lives. Living solely off of moldy bread-because regular bread was too good for them-and stale water with bugs in it. Leah told me that she would always protect me, and I should never be afraid that she would be ashamed of me or angry at me for having nightmares.

In time, they grew less frequent, but never stopped entirely.

And in the few weeks since I'd met Hallit, I hadn't had any.

That night was the first.

Looking back, she must have expected it to happen at some point-after all, she had seen everything in my memories. She must have believed that it was only a matter of time before I woke up screaming.

I was the one who hoped that they would go away entirely with her in my head. That maybe, she could prevent them, even though I knew that Hallit couldn't control my dreams.

That night, it was the same nightmare as before. My father and uncle trying to get into the house. Me knowing that if they got in, they would hurt me. My father would beat me with his belt, and my uncle would hurt me-in another way entirely. I ran around like a crazy person in my dream, trying to lock all of the doors. Seeing their faces in front of each. And finally, not being able to lock the basement door-because there was no lock on it.

I woke up screaming.

"DON'T LET THEM GET ME! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" I yelled.

Then, I felt Hallit's presence in my head. I flinched, physically, because in my half awake state, I was sure that she was not only going to take control, but help them find me.

She didn't do either.

(Rachel, Rachel, it's all right!) she told me, hugging me in her mind. (You're safe. It's only a dream!)

I could feel her move my body, but in a way that I had control as well. The term for this was lost on me just then. She just rocked me, held me. It was impossible to describe how she did this, because Hallit was inside of my head, but the way she moved me, it felt almost as though it did when Leah was there and holding me. I felt myself calm down, gradually, and was aware of Hallit having me take deep, calming breaths. Once I felt calm enough to care about my surrounding, I found myself looking outside. By the moon light shining through my window, I saw that Susie, who had been sleeping on my chest, had jumped off the bed, but remained in the room. She began meowing loudly, even hissing, as though wanting to protect me from this creature that she couldn't see.

The image made me laugh, a little, and I looked down and saw that, yet again, my nightgown and sheets were soaked with sweat. I gave a little groan at that. I had just washed them two days ago.

(Don't worry about that,) Hallit soothed. She had control, still, but so did I. She continued to hold me, but let me remain still. (Are you feeling better now, Rachel?)

I nodded, physically. I realized that I was still exhausted, and only partly because of the nightmare. (It was just a dream,) I said, repeating to myself (and my Yeerk) what Leah had said so many times before.

(A very bad dream,) Hallit agreed.

I took another deep breath, and then glanced at the clock on my bedside table. Not even 2 in the morning. Would I be able to fall asleep again, despite my exhaustion? What if the dream came back?

I knew, intellectually, that this was unlikely. Past experience had taught me that whenever I had a nightmare, it only happened once per night. Then again, I recalled that until now, Leah had always there with me. Of course, I reminded myself that now, Hallit was.

I made myself lay back on my bed, and pulled the covers over me. (I'm still scared,) I told my Yeerk.

Of the dream returning. Of what had happened in it happening to me-however unlikely that was.

(Do you want to talk about it?) she asked me. (I'm here, if you do.)

I shook my head. (Not now. Please, not now,) I said. Well, whimpered. Begged.

(All right, all right. I won't make you do anything you don't want to do,) Hallit soothed. (I promise. You're safe, Rachel.)

I knew this. But the fear didn't leave me entirely.

(We could make some hot chocolate?) Hallit offered.

I sighed. (I'm really tired. Maybe, if I'm still awake in a half hour, you could make it then?)

(Okay,) she replied, speaking even more gently than usual.

I pulled the covers up to my chin, and closed my eyes.

(Hallit?) I asked, after a minute.

(Yes, Rachel?) she asked me, even though she had to know what I was going to ask.

(Did-did any of your other hosts have nightmares?) I asked her.

Hallit made a sound between a laugh and a sigh. (My female did, yes. I tried to comfort her afterwards, but she only allowed me to once. The first time,) Hallit recalled. (The other times, she took it out on me, verbally, so...I stopped trying to help after awhile.)

(Please...don't stop with me, okay? Because, well, you know. I don't get them much, anymore anyways, but I still get them,) I told her, as though she didn't already know this. (And they're always awful.)

Hallit gave a sad laugh. (They wouldn't be called nightmares if they were pleasant, now would they, Rachel? But yes, of course. I'll be there to-to comfort you, when you wake up. I promise.)

(Thank you, Hallit.)

I rolled over on my side. By now, I was so tired, so exhausted that, in spite of my fear that the nightmare would be back, I thought I could let myself fall back to sleep.

Fortunately, I passed the rest of the night in a restful, and dreamless, sleep.

When I look back on that night, after Cassie infested me, I can't help but be that glad my nightmares continued. Because they prepared me-and Hallit-for the ones that would happen in the weeks, and even months, after Cassie infested me.

The next time I woke up, it was to the clanging of my alarm. Hallit rose while I attempted to rouse myself mentally.

(Good morning, Rachel,) she told me.

(Morning,) I replied.

I half expected, half feared, that she would attempt to get me to talk about my dream. Well, nightmare.

(I won't,) she told me, hearing my thoughts. (As always, if you want to talk, we can talk. If you don't-that's your choice, as well. Part of my job, Rachel, is to help you. Mentally, as well as physically. And based on what I've seen in your mind, and what you've said, you're not ready, yet. That's fine. I just want you to...to trust me...before anything else.)

I gave a mental nod, relieved.

Hallit changed the subject. (We'll need to discuss feeding options with Sorren today. If she's serious about a regular feeding schedule, the only viable option is tomorrow afternoon. As you recall, you work from 4AM until noon tomorrow. Which means that feeding tonight, even directly after work, will mean that you're not back until nearly 9:00, and we will spend another night with insufficient sleep. It would be better for us to go directly after work tomorrow. If she wishes to accompany us, she can either do so by working a split day, working from 4AM until noon herself, or taking a longer lunch break and making up the hours later.)

(Or use some of her personal time,) I added. (But I don't think she'd want to use that on something like this.)

Hallit shrugged. (She has various options if she wishes to feed when we-when I-do,) she told me. (Now, let's get you into the shower.)

I nearly fell asleep, at least in my mind, when Hallit massaged the shampoo into my hair. This was longer than her previous one, and more thorough. I remembered that, last time, we had both been near sleep. This time, we both felt more awake, and the difference was evident. I felt, like I had the previous night after my nightmare, like a small child again. Before the abuse had really started-or, as far as I could remember. When I trusted my mother, instinctively, for basic care like this. Then again, maybe it had been Leah who I remembered.

(Yeerks are responsible for caring for their hosts,) Hallit told me, as she dried me off. (At the very least, even with involuntary hosts, caring for their bodily needs. It stems from our relationship with the Gedds, perhaps, but even now, there are only so many host bodies. We can't afford to physically mistreat them and expect to be handed another.)

(It's easier to care for a voluntary host like me, isn't it?) I asked her, a little playfully.

Hallit laughed. (Well, yes. You appreciate it more, for one thing. After the initial awkwardness goes away.)

The remark didn't exactly sting, but it put me on the defense. Well, a defense for me, which was not very much.

(You have to have known from your previous hosts that it's an adjustment for an alien to see you completely naked, Hallit,) I told her, as she dressed me.

(Yes, from my previous hosts,) she agreed. (The first time, going from a Taxxon to a human, I could not understand why humans insisted on covering themselves up, and why my host made such a fuss at me seeing him uncovered. The first day, I hadn't had time to search his mind fully, and he tried to rebel, to prevent me from removing his clothing!)

Hallit, suddenly realizing the implications of her words, sent me an image of a human covering her mouth. (I'm sorry...I didn't realize...)

I tried to ignore the feeling of sickness creeping up inside me. (It's my fault. I asked.)

(Oh, Rachel.)

Ignoring the fact that I was only half dressed, she stopped what she was doing, and gave me another long, mental hug.

(It's...it's not like that when you do it. Even at the beginning, I thought it was awkward, but not like rape or anything,) I told her, hugging her back, fiercely. Not wanting her to let go. (I mean, I don't know what it was like for the other humans, but I didn't feel violated.)

(I know...I'm glad,) she told me.

We stayed in a hug for several more minutes, before we knew that we would be late if we didn't get a move on. I pulled apart from the hug first, and Hallit resumed her preparations for the morning.

I had to admit that I worried, a little, that Hallit would attempt to make me talk to her about my childhood. Especially the sexual abuse. Because, it seemed to be coming up more often. First my dream, and then this morning. She had promised not to, and I believed her, but at the same time, I was a little more afraid of her than I had been before yesterday.

Because, now, I knew firsthand what kind of power she had over me. It was absolute. She could play any of my memories for me at will. As many times as she wanted. She could torture me and I could do nothing about it. The only small respite I had was two hours every two and a half days while she fed at the Yeerk Pool.

Yet, I reminded myself, Hallit hadn't tortured me. Hadn't mistreated me.

(You're scared of me,) she said, rather bluntly, as we waited for the bus.

(Do you blame me?) I asked her.

She shook our head-which may have looked odd if anyone was there, but no one was. (Your fear is-not unfounded. No, that's a poor choice of words. It's not incorrect. It's certainly true, Rachel, that due to the way I evolved, I have almost absolute power over your mind. With limitations, but your fears about what I can do-they're true.)

(That's not very comforting,) I grumbled.

(No,) Hallit allowed. (But, consider this. You are capable of immense damage in your own body. You could hurt someone. You can say hateful, unforgivable things. You could even purchase a gun and commit mass murder. But you don't. Why is that?)

(I'd be arrested if I killed anyone. Possibly executed. Definitely imprisoned,) I told Hallit, more than a little shocked. (As for hurting someone with what I said...there are few people I would want to hurt. That I could hurt, without worrying about the consequences,) I added, a little more truthfully.

Because, even though I worked every day at forgiving my family, it was something that I had to do every day. I believed, because I was a Christian, that forgiveness was required. That I couldn't ask God to forgive me without being willing to forgive others. The pastor at my church had once given a sermon about that. How forgiveness was a lifetime journey, and we needed God's help through it all. How it was hardly a one time decision.

It had been one of the best sermons I had ever heard, in that I could personally relate to it.

It was also why I didn't want Hallit to just infest my parents with cruel Yeerks. Because that would be revenge on my part.

(But, Rachel, you are capable of these things. As is everyone you know. Don't you see? We don't live in fear of others simply because they are capable of hurting others-on a small scale and on a massive scale. You evaluate people based on your limited knowledge of them, and decide how much trust you want to place in them. You protect yourself as well as you can.)

I took a few minutes to let that sink in. (I guess you're right,) I admitted.

(So, yes, I am capable of hurting you. And even though I have assured you that I would not mistreat you, and you have experienced decent treatment from me, you are still afraid because of what I could do.) She paused. (Do you think that's entirely fair?)

(I...I guess not,) I allowed. (And...it probably hurts you to see that I am having trouble trusting you.)

She laughed, a little, at this. Kindly. (One of the advantages of being in your head is seeing all of your thoughts, and the reasons behind them. I am not offended that you now realized the extent of my power, and your reaction is fear. I suppose...I am simply asking you to go by your experience with me, and how I treat you on a daily basis, before suddenly deciding that I may torture you to the ends of the earth without cause, or for the slightest one.) She paused. (Can you try to do that? Trust me, again?)

I gave my Yeerk a mental nod. (It's harder, now, with what I know. But yeah, I'll try. And what you said about me...it makes sense. Yeah, okay, Hallit.) I laughed, a little. (I'm repeating myself.)

(You're allowed, Rachel,) Hallit told me, gently. Then, (I'm glad that we can be this open with each other. It's...rather refreshing. Gedds and Taxxons are not especially communicative creatures, you realize.)

(This isn't host sympathy, is it?) I wondered.

Mentally-since we were on the bus-she shook her head. (It's more...well, I don't know what the term is,) Hallit admitted. (Perhaps, we don't have a word for it, yet.)

(Is that a bad thing?)

(I don't believe so. Our interaction with humanity is still so new, and I truly believe that when it's complete, it will consist of far more voluntary hosts than there will be Yeerks to house them. The completion of this could certainly take years, but I believe that it will end with an alliance with humanity, rather than a direct takeover. It is what Visser One wants-for humans to be voluntary hosts. Visser Three, from what I've heard, can be more militant in his methods. Not that he will be able to act this way directly, with the Council sponsoring Visser One's method. I believe that we will see peace with humans, and a takeover of the vile Andalite race, within a decade, at the latest.)

She ended up being correct on about half of these guesses.


	18. Chapter 18

A couple of weeks passed without much worth putting to paper for posterity. I supposed, after all, that this is what my story was meant for. Few Controllers or former Controllers made their stories known. Not after the popularity of the Animorphs memoirs, as they called them. After all, the Animorphs had written their versions of what had happened during the war, and then short pieces about their life afterwards, and after learning the story from them, who really cares about any lesser people? Still. As many readers of the series know, the official ending was rather ominous, with Jake and his three fighters deciding to charge into the opposing space craft. Cassie, of course, was not part of this mission. As to whether or not they achieved their end goal remains, up to this day, unknown. Perhaps, they returned to Earth and lived in anonymity. Maybe, they died in battle. Or, even, they were successful in that particular battle and remain fighting to this day. I don't know-and I don't believe that any civilian does. Nor, to be honest, are we likely to find out. It's been seven years since the war ended, and two since they disappeared after the final book was published. Life, as the saying goes, moves on. And now, our voices, once dismissed or belittled, have a way of making themselves heard.

Anyway, just because some people may want to know who I am beyond Cassie's temporary host does not mean that they wish to read every mundane detail of my life up to and surrounding my capture. At the same time, if you are reading this, you must have some interest in me as a person. It is a challenge, to be sure, to maintain a happy medium. Fortunately, Sorren, Hallit, and Jill have all helped me in writing this. They read my work, point out areas that I might not have remembered correctly, and otherwise give helpful feedback. Hallit, having lived with me for nearly a decade, has an advantage over the other two. But none of us have perfect recall, and I can be rather stubborn with telling my story the way I want to tell it.

It is, after all, my story to tell.

At any rate, over two weeks passed without much news from Jill or Hallit concerning a potential promotion, but she had said that she would know by Monday. Maybe we would have heard officially had we been able to stay at work for the full day, but Hallit and I had to leave early for her to feed. Even though we had, mostly, coordinated our schedules so that Sorren and Hallit fed together about half of the time, my sister had called earlier and asked me to come over for dinner on Friday night-instead of our usual Saturday-but to come over on Saturday afternoon.

(Think it's got something to do with her ultrasound?) I asked Hallit, once I had hung up the phone.

She gave me a mental shrug. (Or their house search.)

(You're right. I had completely forgotten about that,) I admitted.

(Which is why I reminded you,) Hallit told me, sending me a mental smile. (Granted, they could continue living in their apartment for the time being, as it has two bedrooms, but I suppose they feel the need to buy with a baby on the way.)

(They can afford it, with what they make,) I noted.

Not that I knew either of their precise salaries, but I had a pretty good idea of Leah's from when we lived together, and since her husband worked in IT, it had to be at least that.

Even if I got a raise at my job, I knew I wouldn't be making anything close to my sister or brother in law. Maybe, I wouldn't be struggling to pay my bills and save, but I certainly wouldn't be able to buy my own house. Not in this area's real estate market.

The thought that my parents would eventually pass, and Leah and I would probably inherit a lot of their money, came into my head. But in addition to not wanting to wish ill on anyone, they were also not even fifty years old. Most likely, they'd be around for some time.

Anyway, the change in plans meant that I would leave two hours early that day, and make it up the following week. It also meant that, for the first time in three feedings, I would not see Jill in the voluntary area.

To be honest, I felt a little relieved about this. I enjoyed seeing and talking to Jill on my own, but I often felt like there was some invisible barrier during these meetings. Fellow Controller or not, she was still my boss. Unless either of us changed jobs, which was highly unlikely, I didn't think I could speak freely around her. Not completely.

Not that I had made many other friends in the voluntary area. It wasn't so much that they were unfriendly, but there was a level of reserve with the majority of us. Even those who spoke openly with other humans seemed to know that whatever they spoke about would be viewed later by their Yeerk. And, of course, whatever Yeerk would be assigned to them should their current one be promoted. Something innocent sounding could later be cause for treason on their Yeerk's account. So, the human hosts tended to keep the other humans at an arm's length. Conversation topics, then, were fairly limited.

Many of us just read, watched TV, or even took naps while our Yeerks fed.

We arrived at the pool a little before 3:30, which was a slower feeding time for Yeerks with humans. Hallit and I didn't say very much while we waited. She wasn't as hungry as she would have been had we arrived two hours later, but as it was over 60 hours since her last time in the Yeerk Pool, she was hardly as comfortable as she had been earlier that day. The line moved quickly, and before long, my Yeerk had bid me goodbye and left my ear for the pool.

I stood up, carefully, and walked past the cages towards the voluntary area. At least half of them were empty, so the noise level was merely unpleasant instead of headache inducing.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a young girl following me. I remembered Hallit telling me, back on my first trip to the pool, that kids were used by the Yeerk empire as hosts, but it was uncommon. Naturally, they were far more likely to be involuntary, but it would also be more difficult to visit the Yeerk Pool and attend the now regular Sharing meetings. I didn't want to attract attention by slowing my pace, so I simply held the door open for her once I arrived, and closed it behind her. She just stood there, inches from the door, looking bewildered.

This girl looked like to be around seven or eight. She was very pretty, but then, most kids were. It wasn't until our teenage years that most of us suffered through zits and braces. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a loose braid that reached past her waist, and her eyes were also light brown, nearly the same color as her hair. Her skin was tan-which made sense, since it was the middle of summer, and most kids her age were probably spending a lot of time outdoors. I observed, though, that unlike a lot of kids her age (at least, I imagined), she was wearing what I had grown up calling a "jumper"-a sleeveless dress with a low enough neckline that most kids wore another shirt underneath. Hers was pale blue, and her shirt underneath was white.

"Hi, there," I said, smiling at her. "First time here?"

She nodded, looking around the room, as though taking everything in. "I'm Mindy," she said, in a near whisper.

"I'm Rachel," I told her. "You want me to show you around?"

She nodded, again, but then her face got red. "I-I need to go to the bathroom."

Instinctively, I reached out for her hand, and she took it, eagerly. "Me too," I responded-realizing, as I had said it, that it was true. "C'mon, I'll show you where it is."

The walk was short, just a few feet into the hallway out of the voluntary area. There was one marked in Galard for "Hork-Bajir", and another one in English that said "humans". I pointed to the door marked "humans", and she giggled.

Beyond the door marked "humans" was, of course, the customary two door division between males and females. Most of the Yeerks who had designed the voluntary area had human hosts, after all, and knew that we preferred not to have to use the same place as the opposite sex for our most basic bodily functions.

I had no idea if the Hork-Bajir bathroom had the same distinction, and while I probably could have found out with only mild confusion from them, I didn't care enough to risk it.

We entered two open stalls, and a few minutes, were face to face again at the sinks.

"Thank you," Mindy told me, her voice a little louder.

"You're welcome, Mindy."

Once were were back in the voluntary area, she looked at me expectantly. "Is there more than this?"

"Yeah. Do you want to see the rest?"

She nodded, looking at the floor.

"There's one place that you shouldn't go," I cautioned her, as we headed out of a side door. "You know those aliens that look like giant centipedes?"

Mindy nodded, eyes widening. "Millie says they're Taxxons."

"Millie?" I asked her.

Probably her Yeerk, but the name sounded very human.

"Well, her real name is Milnis, but she says that I can call her Millie if I want. She's my alien friend...my Yeerk," Mindy explained. "My real name is Melinda, but most people call me Mindy. So, Mindy and Millie. It goes together."

It did. It was sweet, too. The kind of thing a kid would come up with.

"Yes, it does," I agreed.

I wanted to ask her more, but it seemed kind of early to do that. Besides, like I said said earlier, we voluntary hosts tried to avoid giving away too much information about our Yeerks.

"What's your alien friend's name?" Mindy asked me.

"Hallit," I told her.

She chewed on her lip. "Hallit and Rachel don't really make matching nicknames."

Mindy said this like she felt sorry for me, and it was all I could do not to laugh.

"Well, we can't all be as lucky as you and Millie," I told her, grinning. I pointed out the door to the Taxxon feeding area. "That's where the Taxxons feed, so you don't want to go down there."

"Have you ever?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "No."

"Has anyone?"

I paused, considering. "Maybe some of the Hork-Bajir with Yeerks. To deliver their food."

"Yes," Mindy agreed, shuddering a little. "Because of their blades."

"Yeah, but don't worry, Mindy. They won't hurt us."

This was, strictly speaking, true. We were voluntary, so they would not physically injure us. I had seen some guards use force with resistant humans, and even more force with Hork-Bajir. Not enough to cause any permanent damage, but they did have blades and access to weapons. Their job was to make sure that no one left the Yeerk Pool without their assigned Yeerk.

"Millie told me that," Mindy agreed. "She said that she would tell them I was voluntary, and I should follow the other voluntaries into the room. To wait until they called my name, and then get back in line and she would enter my head, by my ear."

"Yeah, that's how it works for us." I pointed out the exercise room, and the quiet room. "You'll probably like the main area the most, Mindy, but if you ever do use these other rooms, you can use the doors that are on the far right to go to the bathrooms. They're the same ones we used earlier."

She nodded, seemingly having seen enough of these rooms, and we started to head back. "Have you had a Yeerk friend for a long time?"

"Over a month," I told her. "It's-a little strange in the beginning."

"Yeah, but I like Millie," Mindy told me. "She's really nice, and funny. And, at night, we talk a lot before I go to sleep. It's like having a slumber party every night!"

I laughed, and ruffled the hair on the top of her head. "Well, I hope you still get plenty of sleep!"

I'd only been to a couple of sleepovers as a kid, but I remembered that no one ended up getting much sleep. Of course, Mindy's Yeerk would probably make sure that she didn't stay up too late...

"Oh, I do," she told me. "Sometimes, she'll say, 'Now, Mindy, it's past your bedtime. We can talk more tomorrow!' And we'll go to bed, and she's there the next morning."

She made her voice higher as she imitated her Yeerk's voice, which made me laugh. "Sounds like she cares a lot about you."

"Don't they all?" Mindy's face showed genuine confusion.

I had to be careful about what I said. I wished Hallit were here. She'd be able to explain everything in a way that a kid like Mindy could understand. I knew this.

"Some people don't want an alien living in their head," I responded, carefully. 

Mindy nodded. "Millie told me about them. Before we left for the pool. She said that there are a lot of xenophobic people who hate Yeerks. But if they let them go, they will go to the police and the news, and all of the Yeerks will be killed. So, they have to put up with living with people who hate them until the world sees that they just want to be our friends."

It was my turn to nod. Clearly, Millie hadn't told Mindy everything--like the part about them being under attack by the Andalites--but it was enough for a kid to understand. They were here to help us, and if we saw people who hated them, it was because they hated aliens.

It wasn't, I realized, too far off from what I believed. That the Yeerks were fighting a defensive war against another group of aliens who had--in essence--invaded their planet. The Yeerks hadn't done anything to the Andalites before they had landed. They were just minding their own business, helping the Gedds to survive and thrive, and suddenly there were these massive aliens with tail blades (I had caught several glimpses of Visser Three since my initial infestation, and wanted to see as little of him as possible). Claiming to want peace, but ultimately holding the planet hostage. Who could blame the Yeerks for wanting other host bodies in order to reclaim their planet? Especially if they could form an alliance with those species.

It worked well enough for the Taxxons. Maybe not the Hork-Bajir, but the temptation to take a physically imposing species had to be massive. Besides, Visser Three's own host had acted no better, creating a virus to wipe them out.

It could work with us.

"Rachel?"

I blinked, and realized we were just standing there, in the hallway. How long had we been there?

I managed a laugh. "Sorry, Mindy. I was lost in thought." I glanced around. "The only other place you might need to know about is the Sub-Visser's office. She sometimes checks in on us to make sure how we're doing." I shrugged. "I've had Hallit for over a month and never spoke to her, so she might not do it for everyone. But her office is back there"--I pointed at a door on the far left--"and if she needs you, she'll either come out or have someone get you."

"Is she their boss?" Mindy asked, as we headed back to the main area.

"One of them. Visser Three is in charge of the planet, but he has a lot of Sub-Vissers who report to him. Millie will probably report to one of them, unless she's a Sub-Visser?"

Mindy shook her head. "No, she's not."

I couldn't say I was surprised. Then again, I knew that there were a lot of high up Yeerks who got along with their hosts. They probably selected voluntary humans on purpose. It would make it a lot harder to do your job with your host making a commotion all the time.

We sat down on one of the couches, and Mindy continued to talk to me. I felt a little flattered, but there weren't any other kids her age there. Her dad worked for NASA, and her mom stayed at home. She didn't have any brothers or sisters, but she always wanted a big sister. She loved science, especially astronomy.

"I was sooo happy when I met Millie," she told me, grinning. "She tells me all about the other aliens and life on their planets. Some of them are scary, like the Taxxons, but I still want to know everything."

"A kid who loves astronomy is happy to have an alien friend who tells her about life on other words?" I teased, giving her a shoulder nudge. "I can't imagine that!"

She giggled. "Oh, it's the best!"

Before long, our names were called, with several others, and we stood up and left the voluntary area. Mindy shuddered, a little, as she heard the screams.

"I forgot how loud they were," she told me, in a low voice.

I put an arm around her. "In a few minutes, you'll be back with Millie, and you can leave."

Well, for a couple of days.

She nodded, staring resolutely at the pool and not at the cages. Neither site was especially reassuring, but I guessed seeing the place where her friend was swimming painted a more positive picture in Mindy's mind than seeing the screaming involuntary humans--and Hork-Bajir.

"Will I see you again?" she asked me. "You're fun to talk to."

I managed a smile. "Probably. Maybe not every feeding cycle, but I'm pretty sure we'll get to talk again, soon. Anyway," I added, "you'll probably make friends your own age."

"I hope so, but you're nice," Mindy told me, taking my hand.

When it was my turn, I knelt before the Yeerk Pool and felt Hallit's body touch my ear. The still uncomfortable experience of slowly losing control of my body, and then the more pleasant one of her making contact with my mind.

(Hi, Hallit,) I said, even happier to see her than I expected. Mindy's remarks still with me about her alien friend, and how her life had become so much more interesting, like a non-ending sleepover.

I felt her smile warmly. Hold my mind in hers, hugging me. 

(Hello, Rachel. I can see that you had an interesting experience this time...)

I gave a mental nod. (I'd like to know what you think, afterwards.)

(Of course,) Hallit reassured me. (Immediately, or after the impromtu dinner with your family?)

I'd completely forgotten about that. (Right after you've seen my memories. It won't take too long.)

(Not long at all.)

We walked away from the pool, and I felt myself relive the events of the last couple of hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. As it turns out, this chapter wasn't anything like I had first planned, but the length got away with me, and I decided to let it "stand on its own" as it were. Mindy probably won't play a major role in the rest of this story, if she comes up again, but if all goes well, she will be the main character in another story I want to write. Because I clearly don't have enough on my plate!


	19. Chapter 19

Normally, after a typical trip to the Yeerk Pool, Hallit and I would walk home-unless Jill drove us home. The main location of The Sharing was a few few streets away from my apartment, and I couldn't currently afford a car, much less gas or car insurance. Its location was part of the reason it was easy for me to attend meetings, first as an associate member, and then with Hallit. 

Walking to my sister's apartment was another topic entirely. She only lived a few miles away, but that walk would take at least an hour. Of course, we could get there in less than ten minutes by a car, and fifteen by bus. Usually, I just took a bus to visit Leah, but occasionally, she or Mark would pick me up and drop me off. I preferred the bus, though. They wouldn't see, then, that the area of town I could afford was only barely safe at night, and my apartment was--to their standards--tiny. Leah had already done so much for me, and I didn't want her to feel like she had to give me money or--worse--insist that I move back in with her. That would have been awkward enough with just her and Mark, but with a baby?

(You're safe enough, especially with me,) Hallit reassured me. (I expect to be issued a dracon beam any day now. Besides, if the promotion pans out, we'll be moving shortly to a safer, larger apartment. Closer to your sister's, too.)

Her words helped me, and wordlessly, I thanked her. 

We waited for the next bus, and I felt Hallit search through my memory of the last few hours. Of course, I relived the events as they played out. I had long since gotten used to Hallit's viewing my memories after our trips to the Yeerk Pool, even enjoyed them. It was like living them out again, in clear detail, but much faster than they had actually occurred. Also, I had stopped worrying about my having said or done anything that she would punish me for. This was, in part because I now truly believed that Hallit would never hurt me, but also because she saw that my motivations in these conditions were never less than well intended. After my nightmare and our talk about trust, I felt that I could truly let down my guard, my defenses, around my Yeerk.

It was a turning point in our relationship.

(Well, now. That's interesting,) she mused, after viewing my time with Mindy.

(Yeah?) I asked, waiting for her to explain.

(As you know, it's rare for us to use human children as hosts. From a purely practical standpoint, they're-not fully developed. Their bodies, but also their minds. It's why we have official ages for our other hosts. The earliest time that they can be utilized for the empire, but without their young bodies being more of a hassle than an asset. Our time on Earth is still so young, and even though we want to apply the same principles, I suppose we're finding it's not always practical.) Hallit paused. (When you first saw the human children and were so...)

(Outraged?) I asked, remembering clearly, and still feeling residue of those feelings.

She gave a mental nod, and I felt her calm my breathing. (Yes. I mean, Rachel, I'm no expert in the statistics of our work. I couldn't tell you if there were ten thousand humans that were hosts to Yeerks or a hundred thousand. I'm inclined to think it's far closer to the former, though. But, I would venture to say that fewer than ten percent, even five percent, of those humans are children. And, of those children, I very much doubt that the standard fifty percent are voluntary.)

(Mindy's a rarity, then?) I guessed.

Hallit paused before replying. (In some ways. Eight isn't as young as five or six, but she's certainly what you humans would consider to be a child.)

(Definitely,) I agreed.

(So, those few years certainly gave her more time to develop than had she become a host earlier,) Hallit explained. (While, at the same time, I can see that she's very intelligent, and very imaginative.)

(Mindy's awe of outer space,) I recalled. (Which she probably got from her dad.)

(Yes, and it made her very receptive to encountering alien life firsthand. Even having one live inside her head,) Hallit observed, laughing a little.

(She compared it to a sleepover,) I noted. Which wasn't completely unlike how I saw Hallit. Maybe not as excited as Mindy had been, but I certainly viewed Hallit as a companion. (She has a lot of optimism about being a Controller.)

(Indeed,) Hallit laughed. (Her Yeerk was fortunate to obtain such a host. Especially in a child. Based on your experience, I expect that Mindy will probably pester her Yeerk nonstop with questions, at least in the beginning. Once she knows everything her Yeerk does, she may calm down.)

(But not become involuntary, I hope,) I noted, giving a mental shudder. I hated to see Mindy locked in a cage, her sweet face contorted into screaming or crying.

(Highly unlikely,) Hallit reassured me, reaching out with her mind to hug me. (Involuntary hosts become voluntary far more often than voluntary hosts. And if a voluntary host, especially a human, changes their mind, it's often looked into. Usually, the Yeerk will be demoted, if found at fault. We value the voluntary status too much.)

Another thought occurred to me as the bus arrived. (I wonder how Mindy manages, with her Yeerk controlling her body most of the time.)

Hallit laughed. (Oh, I would bet that Milnis, or Millie, gives Mindy control most of the time.)

(That's allowed?) I asked, surprised. (Even for voluntary hosts?)

Hallit sent me an image of a slug with giant eyeballs rolling them, which caused me to laugh. (Remember what I said about the voluntary status?) she reminded me, which elicited a mental nod. (Besides, it's ultimately between the Yeerk and their host who controls the body when. I mean, I certainly wouldn't tell your Sub-Visser that your host is using the body more than you are, or have them use the body in that particular setting. But as long as the Yeerk doesn't commit treason or leave the empire vulnerable? It's entirely up to them. At any rate, I would venture that any rules regarding host sympathy are relaxed when it comes to children. Especially voluntary ones.)

As the doors to the bus opened, Hallit walked inside, and searched the aisles for an open seat. After finding one close to the door, without being in the front row, she sat down.

(And when Mindy gets older?) I pressed.

Hallit shrugged. (They'll adapt. She will adjust. Perhaps, like you, she'll find that she doesn't mind if her alien best friend uses her body much as time, as long as she can still experience her senses properly.)

I laughed. (Think we'll see her again?)

(Most likely. At some point.) Hallit paused. (It's interesting, isn't it? How interested she is in outer space, and how well she's adjusting to being a host? Perhaps, The Sharing should have some sort of outreach for human Astronomy clubs.)

(That would be effective, but wouldn't it seem a little suspicious? For the sake of your cover, you'd have to include other clubs, as well,) I noted.

(Yes, you're right,) Hallit acknowledged. (And, of course, they may already be doing that. I will need to look into it...and perhaps, specify an appropriate age range. Currently, you need to be at least eight to join The Sharing, at least officially. Some adult hosts who don't have available care for their child will take them to meetings. The non-full member ones, naturally.)

(Eight is still pretty young to be a host,) I observed, sighing. (Mindy's happy, but I've seen the kids in the cages, Hallit. And she's probably the first one I saw in the voluntary area in the time I've been there.)

There wasn't much that Hallit could do about this, of course. I just just voicing my concerns to my Yeerk, who was kind enough to remind me that neither of us had any real power in deciding the optimal host age for humans.

(Yes, she's probably an exception.) Hallit sighed. (I'd set the limit to sixteen, personally. But that's not likely to happen anytime soon.)

Something else was tugging at my mind. (Think it's because she likes aliens that she likes Millie? Or, Millie's extra kind to her because she's so inquisitive and young?)

(Both, I imagine. Your guess is as good as mine, but I imagine her enthusiasm towards aliens would warm most Yeerks,) Hallit laughed. (Even those with involuntary hosts enjoy providing information, if they ask, and often, even if they don't. A captive audience who wants you there...you'd have to be pretty worn out by previous involuntary hosts not to enjoy Mindy's childlike curiosity.)

(Did you notice that she gave her Yeerk a nickname?) I asked, giggling a little. (And what she thought when our names didn't match up?)

(Indeed,) Hallit laughed. (Very endearing. And our names are usually short enough not to require nicknames, unlike some of your human names. And Andalite names are especially long,) she added, with a mental shudder. (They certainly require shortening.)

(Do you know any?) I queried.

(Only two. Elfangor, who Visser Three just killed. And Alloran, who's Visser Three's host. Well,) she added, (there are two more. Seerow, of course, and his daughter, Aldrea. Of all those names, Seerow is the only one you can say without nearly running out of breath.)

(Think Visser Three calls Alloran something like Al for short?)

Another mental shrug, but I noticed a slight shudder. (I wouldn't dare to ask him, personally.)

(Me neither. Wouldn't want to get beheaded by that tail blade.)

(Likewise. I plan on keeping us as far away from him as possible, whenever possible.)

(Good plan,) I agreed. Seeing Rachel's street from the bus, I added, (Oh, we're nearly there.)

Hallit chuckled, and I suppose a less sympathetic Yeerk would have said something like, (I am perfectly well aware of that from your memories, human.)

She, of course, made no such remark. Simply handed control over to me, as she always did before we visited my sister. I didn't even have to ask-Hallit just knew.

(You're sure?) I asked, tentatively. (I mean, since we were at the Yeerk Pool...)

(Yes, Rachel,) she told me, gently.

We--well, I--walked the remaining block to Leah's home. Barely five seconds passed between my ringing the door and Leah opening it, smiling.

"Welcome, honey!" she said, wrapping me in a warm hug. "How are you?"

"Pretty good," I said, wrapping my arms around her.

We stayed like that for a few seconds before I broke off. Smiling warmly at me, Leah ushered me inside and closed the door behind me.

I took a minute to study my sister. Thirteen weeks along, she was definitely starting to show, if you knew that she was pregnant. Her cheeks were slightly fuller, and inching out of her non-maternity dress was a small belly bump.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her, as we walked the few feet to the living area.

"A little sick in the mornings, fine the rest of the day," she told me. "I haven't told anyone I work with, but the flu's been going around, so if I have to rush to the bathroom, they think I've got that. I'm going to make it official next month. After my evaluation. Of course, Sue can't fire me for getting pregnant, and she's not the type, anyway. Still, I want to make sure all of my i's are dotted and t's are crossed."

I nodded. "At fifteen weeks, then?"

"Closer to sixteen, actually," Leah corrected, smiling. 

Mark entered the room, then, and I saw him carrying some papers. I stood up, and he placed them face down on the table next to the couch before giving me a hug.

(Is that unusual?) Hallit asked.

(I don't think so. His work is pretty private,) I replied.

(Hmm,) she responded, and I could tell she was not entirely convinced.

"Rachel, thanks for coming tonight," Mark told me, as he sat across from me and Leah. "Something came up tomorrow evening, last minute, and we couldn't really say no to it."

"His boss insisted on taking us out to dinner, but it's more of a work meal," Leah explained, rolling her eyes a little. "His wife will be there, too."

"Have you met her before?" I asked Leah.

She rolled her eyes again. "She looks and acts like our mother when we were young and she hosted those charity functions."

I squeezed my sister's hand. "I'm sorry."

Mark, who had never met our parents but had heard the stories, gave Leah an apologetic glance. "I tried to spare you, honey, but..."

"Oh, it's not your fault," she said, managing a laugh. "Anyway, it's just an evening. It's just too bad I can't settle my nerves with a glass or two of alcohol, but..." She shrugged. "Anyway, Rachel, that's why we needed to ask you to come over tonight, instead."

I smiled at them. It sounded like what they would be experiencing would be far worse than my having to change my work schedule. "Don't worry about it. I'm just sorry you have to deal with them."

"Her, mostly," Mark intervened. "My boss has his foibles, but he's mostly decent. Not worth quitting my job over, anyway. Especially," he added, tone brightening, "with this baby on the way!"

"Which," Leah added, "is why we wanted you to come over tomorrow, as well. Our real estate agent told us about this house that just came on the market. She thinks it has everything that we have been looking for. The open house is tomorrow, at 1."

"You're looking for a third opinion?" I guessed, laughing a little. "You know I have no experience with house hunting, but sure. I can come over as another set of eyes."

Hallit laughed appreciatively at my joke, and sent me an image of two floating eyes. Bouncing.

"That would be great, Rachel. I'll pick you up around 12, then? After you get back from church?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday, honey," Mark reminded Leah.

She rolled her eyes. "Sorry! Is it too early to say mommy brain?"

"Let's say it's due to pre trauma of dinner tomorrow night," I suggested.

"That works," Leah agreed. "So, noon, tomorrow?"

I nodded, a little reluctantly. I'd rather take the bus, but it wasn't like Leah had never seen where I lived. "Sure, that works."

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this far and enjoyed the chapter, please consider taking a moment to leave kudos and/or a comment.


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